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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell him I was disappointing not to hear from him

113 replies

terryclothmum · 28/09/2024 17:21

I have been dating a guy for about 10 dates. Early on in dating he said it was important to
him that the person he was dating didn’t disappear for hours without explanation. It made him feel anxious and he preferred someone to give a heads up if they were likely to go quiet for a while. I totally agreed with this and his open communication is something I’ve really liked about him. We’ve both stuck to this throughout and it’s nice.

We were supposed to go out last night and then I was going to stay at his house and we had brunch plans today. It had been a long anticipated date as he was on a work trip the week before.

Unfortunately I had a family emergency at the last minute and had to drive down to my parents urgently yesterday and will be here for the weekend.

He was nice enough when I first told him, but he went out elsewhere last night and the last I heard of him was one word, at 5pm yesterday, and nothing since. This is really REALLY unusual for him and really at odds with what he always says about keeping in touch. I know everyone has different texting patterns/boundaries, but this is very unusual in our dynamic.

AIBU to text him and tell him I was disappointed in this? I don’t want to stop
seeing him or anything, but it felt really disrespectful.

OP posts:
chestnutroast · 28/09/2024 17:37

it doesn’t have legs op

Cosyblankets · 28/09/2024 17:36

For a start he's controlling.
Are you more bothered that he's gone out or whatever or that he's not bothered asking how things are?
Throw this one back

Skyrainlight · 28/09/2024 17:35

"Early on in dating he said it was important to
him that the person he was dating didn’t disappear for hours without explanation." Huge red flag!!!!!

Doltontweedle · 28/09/2024 17:32

arethereanyleftatall · 28/09/2024 17:24

You really really should want to stop seeing him op. You should have ran for the hills the first time he forbade you from not telling him what you are doing if you go for a few hours. That is controlling, and a mahousive red flag.

This. Sounds like he’s already trying to lay the groundwork for full control of the op in the future. I thought it was going to read she had to warm him if she was going off grid for a few days, not a few hours ffs. And it’s clearly ok for him to do it..

batsandeggs · 28/09/2024 17:30

terryclothmum · 28/09/2024 17:29

I feel like it’s somewhat this. Not that he doesn’t think my excuse is good enough, or genuine. More that he’s just like “oh well, she missed her chance”.

I actually don’t think he’s ghosting. I have no doubt he’ll reappear. I think he’s just being downright rude.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree with you thinking, and if you communicate your thoughts now (ie disappointed not to hear from him) his response to that should give you a good indication of who he really is.

Original poster
terryclothmum · 28/09/2024 17:29

batsandeggs · 28/09/2024 17:26

Sounds like he’s throwing a strop because you couldn’t meet and that’s a huge red flag. Bet he has a shitty response to your communication.

I feel like it’s somewhat this. Not that he doesn’t think my excuse is good enough, or genuine. More that he’s just like “oh well, she missed her chance”.

I actually don’t think he’s ghosting. I have no doubt he’ll reappear. I think he’s just being downright rude.

OP posts:
Thfrog · 28/09/2024 17:29

he said it was important to
him that the person he was dating didn’t disappear for hours without explanation.

Don't sign up for this!

AgreeableDragon · 28/09/2024 17:26

arethereanyleftatall · 28/09/2024 17:24

You really really should want to stop seeing him op. You should have ran for the hills the first time he forbade you from not telling him what you are doing if you go for a few hours. That is controlling, and a mahousive red flag.

This!

batsandeggs · 28/09/2024 17:26

Sounds like he’s throwing a strop because you couldn’t meet and that’s a huge red flag. Bet he has a shitty response to your communication.

Original poster
terryclothmum · 28/09/2024 17:26

arethereanyleftatall · 28/09/2024 17:24

You really really should want to stop seeing him op. You should have ran for the hills the first time he forbade you from not telling him what you are doing if you go for a few hours. That is controlling, and a mahousive red flag.

He definitely didn’t forbid me at all! He just said it was something he found hard, when we were talking about what we struggle with in dating. He said he preferred it to just get a heads-up of someone is going to go quiet. It came up in the context of that conversation.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/09/2024 17:26

Also, he has quite possibly ghosted you so it's irrelevant what emotion you detail to him in a text.
He might have a 'one chance to not obey me and gone' mantra.

Messen · 28/09/2024 17:25

Mmm. Providing nothing nasty has befallen him or his phone, I’d be suspecting his ‘anxiety’ at not hearing from women might actually not be anxiety but an indication of controlling tendencies. And that this is your punishment (silent treatment) Is he long-term single or has he said he has been with difficult or ‘crazy’ people in the past?

arethereanyleftatall · 28/09/2024 17:24

You really really should want to stop seeing him op. You should have ran for the hills the first time he forbade you from not telling him what you are doing if you go for a few hours. That is controlling, and a mahousive red flag.