To tell him I was disappointing not to hear from him

he’s played a blinder OP
He would be smirking to himself if he read this thread
because that would mean he achieved what he wanted
You thinking about him rather than your family

It’s concerning that he has established this so early on, he will use it in every situation he can going forward. He’ll say: I told you from the start that I don’t like it when I don’t know where you are all the time.

Women who gets into controlling relationships aren’t meek or foolish, it can happen to anyone. It’s a slow process and their controlling behaviour starts off being explainable and they usually explain it’s because of previous experiences.

Be careful with this one. He’s most likely not a good or healthy partner.

Don't message him. Never double text. Just wait and let him message you - see what he has to say for himself. And then end it.

Personally I wouldn't text him. You don't want the headache of some kind of text argument while you are dealing with a family emergency.

He is not a child. Leave him to his sulk or whatever is going on and get on with what you need to do.

As others have said after 10 dates I'd be seriously considering some of these red flags.

just to add, I bet if you message him with a “thanks but no thanks, I don’t appreciate you ignoring me as a punishment” then he’ll come back with an entirely plausible reason he couldn’t contact you and you’ll be wrong footed. For that reason, I’d leave it til he contacts you and see what he says; rather than giving him something to react to.

the thing that bothers me is that tit-for-tat thing when he deliberately took ages to reply after you’d been late responding when you were out with your friend.

@terryclothmum .
Agree with run,don't look back.ok he didn't "forbid" you .BUT.. is his issue,not yours. If causes him high anxiety is f your drop of radar the very least you ought to expect is two way street.

You are now on punishment duty.

Zero consideration but YOU being disappointed, worse still,zero regard or concern not even checkt in you are doing ok? /Fam emergency.

He is Someone who uses silence in that manner knows exactly the impact it has,tbh the fact he specified to avoid doing it is awful.. It's a very basic and effective form of abuse .

You be swinging between worried, concerned, confused, hurt,upset, he knows this.

children on either side?

As others have said, he is moulding you to behave exactly as he wants you to down the line. Disarming, disengaging so that you don't prioritise others over him in future. Playing the victim.
You are now stuck in the cycle of second guessing, analysing and trying to work him out.
Best get out before you get in. I say this from a very similar experience.

I don’t disagree he has red flags but please don’t construe me as some poor, downtrodden woman as that couldn’t be further from the case.

you’re with your family following what was presumably a concerning situation
and yet your thinking and wondering about him

He has achieved precisely what he set out to do

Oh my goodness.

He's not happy you have prioritised family needing you above him.

Have you really had to account to your whereabouts and be in touch with him every FEW HOURS since meeting him? I thought you were going to say that you need to be in touch every few days! How absolutely draining and ridiculously needy and controlling.

I'm sorry OP but I'd recommend backing out of this relationship now. He'll have you doubting yourself and walking on eggshells as soon as he can. That's not a healthy relationship.

You've had to rush away to a family emergency. A decent boyfriend would be, as a minimum, messaging you to check all is OK. A very decent boyfriend would have offered to go with you to help.

He's done neither of these things and has now gone silent on you. That's really not good enough.

Emotionally abusing me? No. I barely know the guy. I have no emotions towards him except disappointment.

but here you are OP. At your parents following a family emergency starting a thread wondering about him and what he’s playing at and feeling “disappointed” that he hasn’t messaged because that would have been the kind thing to have done

that kind of is emotional abuse

I was about to say I thought it depended on the emergency as to whether you were being unreasonable. A real emergency fair enough to cancel plans. But it does nark me when people cancel last minute and it’s really just an excuse.

I also thought people were being unreasonable to say he’s wrong to ask to know if you’re going to be out of touch. I hate people blowing hot and cold. But then you said he also was arsey about you having plans last week and is basically punishing you by withholding communications. Fuck that. Red flag flying 🚩

So it would make him anxious if you were out of touch with him for a while? And now he is out of touch with you for a while?

Maybe he wants you to feel anxious? Or maybe he doesn't have much empathy.

They don't usually. Typical behaviour is to go cold and thaw slowly when they think the other person has done enough apologising and learned their lesson. Often these types don't have relationship options growing on every tree given the number of women who run a mile from them, so they tend to try to shape the existing one to their requirements. I agree the OP shouldn't message him though. It's always interesting to see what they do if you ignore it.

how old are you both op?
has he been married in the past?

Emotional abuse is insidious. It can happen to anyone.

He sounds shit.

Throw him back.

I can feel the emotional abuse from here.

Christ. He really is controlling. He literally punishes you every time you have a life away from him

He seems to have a "tit for tat" mentality that I would find immature and unattractive.

Not only do you need to dump this man immediately, you need to read/speak to friends/get counselling to ascertain why him asking you to let him know what you were doing at all times, didn't immediately result in you blocking him. He might as well have had 'I'm controlling' stamped on his forehead.