To tell him I was disappointing not to hear from him

It does come across like he's sulking.

But you will know better than our guesses - whatever your gut is saying, listen to it!

Usually a good guy doesn't give cause for you questioning things/yourself like this.

Who cares? The kind of person who suspects ulterior motives all the time when you’re dealing with hard family shit is not a keeper.

Oh, again, classic. He’s adding a nice triangulation dimension here. The purpose of this silence/sulk is to make you do the pick me dance. Google it. It normally happens after the affair he instigated: this one is starting early.

But I don’t think it is reasonable to say, I need advance warning if you will not be available to chat to me as it makes me anxious when it happens without my not knowing why. A functional adult understands they need to manage their own anxiety, not decide it’s somebody else’s responsibility never to trigger it.

Being the devils advocate....does he think you've faked the family emergency?

You had an emergency and he hasn't checked In With you?
He hasn't been in touch in over a day which is the opposite to how you normally communicate

He is either punishing you for changing plans
With someone else
Had an emergency

If it's not the latter then you sound da like you know what to do x

People who are controlling are by their very nature anxious. That’s why they do it.

There is not the distinction people seem to think / hope there is between emotionally vulnerable anxious people who just need you to be on hand for them constantly and always tell them where you are and what you’re doing because of their anxiety and insecurities, and monsters who want to control you just because.

Too much hard work after 10 dates… it should all be fun!

“please don’t construe me as some poor, downtrodden woman”

😕

This. So much this!

Sounds like he's annoyed at you and trying to punish you for leaving

I know a lot of people are saying the initial request of letting each other know when you can't respond is a red flag but I disagree like you do.
I think this is quite a healthy communication of needs/wants/desires that builds a better foundation of relationships. It is far better to discuss the expectations and needs openly like this than just get annoyed when someone doesn't follow your expectations you didn't communicate. People aren't mind readers.
BUT to then disregard that and not discuss their feelings or needs after the fact and use it as a "sulk" is the red flag behaviour.
I would normally go down the "We said that we prefer to let each other know when we can't respond for a while. That seems to not be happening right now. Why?" As it gives them the opportunity to see that you noticed but without the emotion and blame that they might take wrongly from the message.
The answer will probably show you what you need to know.

Get rid. Fast xx

You mostly seem upset that he hasn’t lived up to your agreed communication pattern but I’m more shocked that you wanted this pattern or agreed to it (and seemed to like the idea when he was following the agreement).

Is messages every 30m to an hour normal? I would have thought that you would have inevitably disappeared for hours every day because you’d be travelling to work, at work and travelling home. Outside of a quick lunch break, when would you have the chance to message him?

I would assume (hope) that what he wanted was a very unusual communication style. I would certainly find it very odd, controlling and not achievable even if I did want it. If so then throw this one back. If you wanted this as well then maybe pause to think about what you want in a relationship and (I mean this nicely so I’m so sorry if it comes across harshly), if you’re needy. I think it’s quite unusual (or it’s just me and this is normal).

Ugh no. Who wants to be some inadequate-feeling guy’s support human?

Oh oh. That’s classic headfuckery territory.
He’s transactional. Aside from anything else that’s a really, really bad sign. He isn’t motivated by care, interest and mutual support. He is keeping an internal emotional balance sheet.

Go really silent. Like, forever.

You’ve got bad vibes. Trust ‘em :)

don't you dare message him.

OP all of your updates/responses suggest that you are falling into the exact trap of what he wants, including believing he won’t be able to emotionally abuse you….

as much as he’s pissed me off, he did NOT ask me keep in touch with him all the time:
but he did. He said more than a few hours of no contact needs an explanation. And he punishes you if you dont comply.

Oh my God, run for the hills OP, run!!!

You're starting to see his actions in a new light and I think the new light is the right interpretation - he's a controller, a sulker, and definitely not someone you should waste any more time on. Lucky escape.

Does he have friends to hang out with when you’re not available? He might be insecure as you are out doing things with friends last weekend. And when you asked him if he had fun plans this weekend, he felt embarrassed as he has nothing planned but doesn’t want to admit it. He might have gone quiet as he’s depressed. Also a red flag but just putting another possibility out there.

This is meant to be the ‘honeymoon period’ of a relationship and already you’re second guessing what you should do / say.

He’s abusive - sulking and punishing you for cancelling arrangements. Last week was bad enough but this is worse as you have a family emergency. He’s showing you who he is and I really worry from your responses that you sort of feel it’s ok / are ignoring it.

He is an avoidant. Bin him he wont change. Sulking is very unattractive to begin with but it is support you need if you have an emergency not for him to be a child about a cancelled plan.

That's exactly what you're supposed to think. Oh no, if I cancel a date with him, he had other options! Best make sure I always put him first in future. Don't fall for it. If he was with someone else you'd have either heard nothing at all or it would have been messaging as normal so you didn't suspect. He's playing you.

A normal reaction to anyone having to go home for a family emergency would be to check in that they arrived safely and that everything is OK.

Silence is not normal. And very far from OK.