Would you "settle" when it comes to a partner

Yes plenty of people settle, especially if they want children and feel time is not on their side.

Some of my better more settled relationships have been with men I didn't have a massive passion for but I liked them.

Liking someone's company can make a happier relationship than a grand passion where expectations on both sides run too high. Don't knock it, sometimes it's best to have a friend you have fun with and whose company you value.

My boyfriend and I love each other deeply. We have an amazing time together, in and out of the bedroom. We have the same life goals, the same values and enjoy similar things. We are very happy together. But I initially settled for him.

We're both late 30s and both want a family. We've known each other for a long time and were good friends for quite a while before getting together. He had feelings for me before I had feelings for him.

I am happy I settled. We're having an amazing time together and doing lots of activities which are much easier enjoyed as a couple. We're both very, very happy. I could imagine spending the rest of my life with him and I can see him as the father of my future children, something I have never seen a man as before. And I do love him in a romantic sense now.

Yes it’s very common. I do believe it can work out if both parties are respectful and have a genuine affection for each other even if it’s not head over heels romance.

However as we see in these threads sometimes it leads to what is clearly abusive situations. eg. You get so many women on here saying their 55+ year old new boyfriend is trying to muscle their way into their home and assets and getting them to remortgage or something crazy.

And then they tell us a backstory which shows it’s clear the man (or woman) clearly just got with them for financial security/domestic help etc

This is an extreme situation but there was a children’s author who was killed about 8 years ago. She was very well off newly widowed women who sadly got with an evil twisted guy who didn’t care about her at all, but had his eyes on her money and later killed her.

I watched a true crime about it and what struck me was when he made the call to the police to report her as missing was he couldn’t answer many questions about her eye colour, height, DOB etc. he literally just saw her as an ATM the whole time.

Of course most partners will not kill you in these situations, but they may show the same lack of regard for getting to know and love you for who you are if they’re purely focused on the practical benefits of being with you.

There seems to be much more of a risk of this happening where it’s the man who has “settled”

I bet those colleagues were female!

Could have written this myself. It can be a very positive experience, being independent and self sufficient. And holidays for solo travellers are great

I settled for someone who seemed nice and who my parents approved of. It was the most boring few years I've ever had. Mainly because he refused to fly or go abroad, and expected me to give up my job when we got married (shame we didn't talk about it before planning a big day). I vowed I'd never settle again, and I didn't.
I was able to go on holiday and do all the things I'd wanted to do, on my own. I don't think the lack of a partner should stop you from doing the things you want to do. If the chemistry is so mismatched as you seem to suggest, you won't be happy with him.

Nope. Would much rather be alone and very happy to go on solo adventures and live my best life than be with someone who wasn’t going to add anything to my life apart from a roommate

Interesting I had 2 colleagues discussing this yesterday. Both divorced.
They are literally lookin for partners for financial security.
I was rather horrified to be honest as both admit they like being alone but just want an easier time.
( they are in professional jobs btw so not exactly uneducated or low earners).

What does she mean by 'settling'? There are plenty of people who would love a companion, someone to travel with, go on dates, share their day. There's a lot of loneliness out there.

It depends what you mean by settling, and what you’re looking for in a relationship, to be honest. Personally I value friendship, kindness and a common outlook and interests over shooting stars, butterflies in my stomach and a belief in soul mates. but others will disagree. You do have to at least fancy them a bit though, I think.

Yes many settle for people who they don’t have a spark with and sometimes it turns out well especially where both of them feel they are “settling” and are aware their partner is too so it’s quite “equal” in that sense.

Even people in their mid 30s, and much younger do this. I’m just slightly older than you Op, and it’s definitely a thing among many people I know.

Based on the kind of person I am, I couldn’t “settle” for someone I didn’t really click with and someone who I didn’t feel emotionally connected to in a romantic sense, so it’s a no for me.

But each to their own. Tbh I’m low key jealous of people who can do that as it must make finding a partner so much easier lol

I just couldn’t bring myself to do it though.