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Original poster

Overriding next of kin rule

59 replies

AnotherAdventurePassed · 28/09/2024 16:29

Hi, I'm not sure if this is in the right place but any advice is welcome.

Context: My DB is 24, an addict and is in and out of prison. We are both very LC with our mother, however his unfortunately isn't by choice and still IMO craves a relationship with her regardless of how that affects him. Mother is in the process of obtaining a restraining order against DB.
DB is currently in what I believe to be a hostel/supported living accommodation though I have not had the specifics confirmed. This was arranged upon release from his last prison stint. The worker for this place has been trying to contact my mother for the past couple of days, so they can arrange a meeting to discuss his needs and to put a care plan in place i assume.

Mother has basically avoided the calls until today when she begrudgingly returned the call and was quite rude to the worker saying she didn't want to play any part in this meeting and won't risk her position in life or chance of getting this RO by entertaining anything to do with him. As far as she is concerned she will pass her details on but she wants nothing to do with him.

I, personally, think this is disgusting and yet another show of how self absorbed she is. To be frank, she is the reason he has ultimately ended up down this path in the first place. As she is next of kin the accommodation won't entertain discussing DB with any other family member therefore I'm really worried he won't be able to have someone to advocate in getting him the support he needs (in reality he's needed something like this since he was a child).

My question is, is there a way to override this NOK requirement at all? If so how? Im worried that if it isn't possible for another family member to step in to help with this, our mother is basically going to screw him out of this support that may or may not be his only chance to get on the path to finally having an opportunity at a "normal" life.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnotherAdventurePassed · 28/09/2024 16:45

We aren't allowed to have direct contact with him until the meeting and care plan has been completed and right now they will only contact and specifically discuss his needs with my mother only. I'm unsure what will happen if she continues to refuse any involvement or contact to do with this.

It was like drawing blood from a stone when they called to get in touch with my mother these past few days to the point where myself and my grandmother had to verify and seek approval just for them to pass a message through us to my mother. They refused to provide any other details or answer questions as they specifically stated they could only speak with his next of kin, I.e my mother.

It's likely if they asked my DB if there was another person who could advocate for him that he would name myself or my DGP's but he would not voluntarily specify us unless they pushed.

OP posts:
KatieB55 · 28/09/2024 16:45

Maybe try to speak to his support worker, just to let them know you are there and want to help.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 28/09/2024 16:40

Pterodacty1 · 28/09/2024 16:34

I don't belive next of kin is a legal status, more a nominated role. Your BD has put your mum as NOK, he could just as easily put you as his sister. Advise him to change it on the forms. He's got to choose tho.

I'm not sure about this situation but as far as the NHS are concerned this man's mother would be the legal next of kin and even if he stated his brother, they'd not override what they rightly or wrongly view as the legal nok.
It's a really difficult situation and if the authorities working with your brother don't view him as having capacity for some reason, they're going to expect to have your mother making decisions for him. I hope it gets resolved for all your sakes.

AutumnalPuffin · 28/09/2024 16:39

Next of Kin actually has no legal status so if your brother wants you to be involved in his care / support then he simply needs to nominate you when asked for his Next of Kin rather than putting your mother’s details down. The only exception to this may be if he were to be detained under the Mental Health Act where your mother would be considered his ‘Nearest Relative’.

If it’s likely that your brother may face a further term of imprisonment or might be in a situation where he comes into contact with services and would benefit from you advocating for him it might be worth thinking about Lasting Power of Attorney. Whilst you cannot use your powers for Health and Welfare unless your brother lost capacity it makes clear in law that you are an important person in your brothers life and should be considered when these meetings take place.

olderbutwiser · 28/09/2024 16:36

He can nominate who he likes, NOK has no legal status.

Pterodacty1 · 28/09/2024 16:35

You can't nominate yourself as NOK for him. (That could open up vulnerable people to a lot of risk). Contact him and talk to him about it. Who his NOK is comes from your brother.

Pterodacty1 · 28/09/2024 16:34

I don't belive next of kin is a legal status, more a nominated role. Your BD has put your mum as NOK, he could just as easily put you as his sister. Advise him to change it on the forms. He's got to choose tho.

Original poster
AnotherAdventurePassed · 28/09/2024 16:32

I probably should of added that due to the neglect in our childhood, I don't believe that DB actually has the ability to advocate for himself. Whilst he has some diagnosed MH issues, he has had underlying learning difficulties since a very young age that were ignored by mother to the point that now he is just being labelled as thick, dumb and stupid.

OP posts:
titchy · 28/09/2024 16:32

Your DB just needs to tells them that they should regard you as his nok rather than your mother. That's all. There's no rule that says it has to be her. It's up to your brother to tell them to contact you though. And he may well not do so.