To not be home?

ok so lots of back and forth

but what are you going to do OP?

Respond to his claim that your solicitor says you have the right of first refusal, if he isn't collecting and caring for your child on his time then you won't be handing DC over to anyone else. DC can spend time with these relatives but father must be present.

OP if I'd driven 2 hours to collect the toddler I'd wait for you to come home too. Did you let them no you wouldn't be home? How long are you staying out for?

Go to court

That would be an interesting convo...

Hello 999...please send a squad car to my ex... She refuses to be oppressed by me... I want everything my own way... 😁😁

I would be going to family court in your shoes OP...

Courts often view shit like this badly...

bloody hell
poor child

come on op. you need to formalise this

by going out rather than addressing the situation meant the relative had a four hour round trip. That isn’t going to help relations going forward.

You. red mediation at the very least. and YOU are going to he to progress it op

I think it’s time to get a Child Arrangement Order and do no more swaps.

Even if he went for 50/50, you can insist on both of you having alternate weekends so the child can see extended family on both sides/chill with both parents.

Not going to court will result in him abusing you like this for years. It’s not fair on the kids either - they need the option to plan stuff at weekends eg party attendance and will want to spend time with you too.

Ex having moved is something to ask your solicitor about, if you haven’t already. Judges generally don’t penalise the other parent’s time with DC when one parent moves. (If this is a military assignment or similar it might be different.)

Maybe focus on what you want and what is best for DC. Who cares how ex feels about it?

YANBU in not being in. You have your life, he is OOO and you don't need to accommodate his every whim.

Go to court, his inability to provide consistency will go against him. He will raise this example of you being unreasonable, so make sure you have full details of what you'd arranged because he asked for a rearrangement and why you then couldn't accommodate a last minute change - visit to family, play area, meal booked etc. The court will understand this.

So many of us have kids with men who don't deserve to be parents, it's sad :(

Hope you and your DC are OK x

do you drive?

how far does he live from you OP?

he’s correct about that

send him a message

“We need to formalise arrangements. We can either sit down together and work this out and agree to stick with it. Or we can go down the mediation route. Please let me know by the end of the day, otherwise i will presume mediation and progress”

Parent up OP

It’a already a stressful situation for you, OP. How will court make it worse?

As PP says, the only opinion that mayters is your solicitor’s. FWIW I think a judge would share out the quality time - weekends - and I very much doubt that your ex will actually bother going to court anyway.

Just keep to the schedule, keep excellent records of relevant communications, and check out the situation with a solicitor. Best wishes

In your shoes I would be quite happy for him to take this to court. It would be your chance to explain the problems he is causing and how this is harming your child, and to ask for an arrangement which sets out clearly that he has to stick to it or forego contact - he can't expect you to change the arrangements on demand.

Honestly, I'd have thought that texting prior and saving the family member a trip would have been a better way to behave, ie telling ex that I'm not presided to hand dc over to family member, the whole point of you seeing your child is to actually be there to see him, so if you're not I'm not handing my child to random family members in your absence because you can't manage your own schedule.

I would defo show the police the threatening text. He's angry and embarrassed now in front of his family member. Who knows what he could do to save face. Prick.

You've tried it the nice way.
He's being a prick.
Time to try it a different way.

Do everything through official channels. Seems fairly obvious that he wouldn't be able to take dc for 50/50 custody when he can't even manage two of his weekends in a row let alone half the working week too.

And this crap about he's working, is it shift working or overtime? He needs to get his priorities in order. His child should come first. He can't just chop and change. Prob thinks he'll have to pay less if he sees dc more. But he has to put the child's well-being first.

forgetting “everyone”

what did the solicitor say?

OP, have you decided what you’re going to do? Because what you outline in your OP is unfair on your child and as he becomes increasingly aware of the situation… this will become stressful for him

It was your weekend with your child. Why would you be home.

as others have suggested formally write to him stating EOW and that missed weekends will not be re-arranged to suit him. He needs to make himself available for his weekend.

keep a list of his written threats (involve the police, inform them of his latest threat) and go to court if he doesn’t stick to the arrangement.