To not be home?

ignore this posters advice re “first refusal”
and saying to ex that will only handover to him or people op agrees with

all nonsense

Is he even allowed to send someone else to collect DC? Isn't that a safeguarding issue? Specially if you've had issues with a specific person in the past when DC was a baby?! I'd definitely mention that to your solicitor and whatever arrangements you demand, you make sure that no one else but the dad is allowed to do pick up, drop off AND looking after DC! Or, demand that he only has supervised visits!

You asked what it meant. I told you what it meant.

Are you a solicitor? Not a soldier, it's a solicitor. No, didn't think so.

My friend had exactly this condition placed on her fickle ex who kept messing around her daughter, she no longer sees her father at all because he couldn't be bothered to stick to the EOW and kept sending his mum. Don't attack people for posting when you have no experience and are just plain rude and uninformed.

You need to start keeping a diary of the plan, what actually happens and what was said. Keep screenshots of messages. If it does go to court you will need this.

the OP is
not “in the wrong” at all

but if she really doesn’t want to inflame the situation, then she needs to stop this kind of drama and engage with professionals in order to formalise the arrangements

He is talking rubbish. You don’t need to hand over your child to anyone . He bullying you @moo899
He has no rights and can’t call the police .

As said above send something written . That moving forward if you agree to a weekend change to suit him then you will be busy on the weekend you have your Dd and he can’t get both especially just to hand your Dd to a family member while he isn’t around.

Sounds like you should move the emails or the family app I’ve seen mentioned on here.
Also put in writing you do not agree or authorise anyone else to be at your property or collecting your child.

Time to stand up to this bully of a man .

For what it’s worth I’d have went out too I’d also have said “don't bother sending people to my home” .

@13Ghosts

solicitor said I could either send a letter and start the process myself (mediation first then to family court if that failed), or I could leave the ball in his court and see if he does that himself.

and you interpreted this as the solicitor saying that the op had “first refusal”

as i say op, ignore this poster

She didn't agree AT ALL. How is she in the wrong for him to send relatives on a 4 hour trip? This is entirely on him. She had plans for her weekend (the weekend between is two weekends that she kindly allowed him to change) with her child and she was out, after saying no to him.

Court and Child Arrangement Order. Otherwise you're giving into his power and control.
No way would I be happy giving over my small child to some random person your ex had elected. UNLESS I was confident that my child had a good relationship with them.

A friend's young child was dumped by the father with random relatives over Christmas who he didn't know, as he elected to work at last minute (lots of money for him). Poor kid had no presents and a miserable time.

I don't believe his work is so difficult... Am sure he's just saying this to excuse his future behavior.

This prince amongst men didn't want to even be named on birth certificate....

Why are you pandering to him??

What sort of relationship does he have with your child.?? Does kid look forward to seeing his dad??

Ring doorbell is your friend here

My ex tells everyone I salivate over him and try desperately to get him into bed I point out everything is recorded and we don't even "speak" as the kids are old enough just to say bye mom and walk out the door!

Seeing the update that they live two hours away, I think you were in the wrong there. I'd be pretty damn annoyed doing a four hour round trip. Although I do take the point that he's the one that's changed the dates around and you can't always accommodate him.

The wisest thing to have done in this situation is to say to him, okay, as contact is still going ahead on your scheduled weekend, we'll revert to the schedule and I'll have DC next weekend, and then we fall nicely back into our cycle.

That OP has the right to be the one to look after her child when the father will be outsourcing his childcare on his time to someone else. The obligation is for him to have contact with his child. The agreement has been made to EOW, if he can't have his child on his weekend then he must give OP the opportunity to before any other childcare arrangements in his absence.

I'm this instance here, she already said no he couldn't have DC this weekend anyway and he sent someone else to take the child. Even if she had agreed to him having DC she didn't agree to someone else having custody of her child.

Stop accommodating his request to swap. Send an email of the dates your dc will be made available for contact for the rest of the year. And stick to that schedule.. That's more than legally /morally he's entitled to as he has no PR or court order... Remember if he collects and refuses to bring dc back police are on your side as he isn't on the bc.. Get a payg phone for him to contact you on. Block him on your proper phone. Keep all abusive messages.. Build a case basically incase he turns into a bigger twat..

Waste thei time again

Yanbu. 'We agreed in writing to swap weekends. Therefore this is my weekend and we had plans ao won't be in. You wouldn't accept me withholding child on the weekend that was originally mine that we swapped. Please tell relarive not to

Court...

@moo899 you worded it like you'd just gone out today. What was his response? And yes the travelling relative is on him, but that doesn't mean people won't be annoyed at you or that it will make your life easier.

what is “right for first refusal” mean?