To not be home?

I feel for you OP, this is absolutely grim and it's hard not to wonder if your ex is partly doing it to wind you up. You're doing a great job hanging on in there and making sure DC see Dad without driving you completely up the wall. I hope you can agree something more satisfactory longer term.

Good. He will have to learn that he cannot just make things up as he goes along. Stay strong!

That's not what I said at all. Stop responding to my posts to attack me when you are misrepresentating what I have said.

Contact www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

they have a free advice line staffed by practising solicitors and barristers. They are fantastic.

and also it might help to compile every bit of written communication about these contact arrangements, especially including those messages where he is heavy handed or threatening, and also the historic messages showing the way things have gone between you.

good luck. You are in the right here and protecting your child- that is the priority.

My ex was like this. Everything his way, expectation of flexibility,never reciprocated. The only way to handle it is to stop doubting yourself - you are not standing in the way of your son having a relationship with his dad.

Stop the flexibility - it's not ideal but it means everyone knows where they stand.

Don't fear mediation and court. You are not in the wrong.

Open a Word document and write down everything that happens with a time and date. Keep all messages. Record handovers with your phone - just voice, have it in your pocket. This is your evidence for court.

It is hard to see the wood for the trees but it will get easier.

I think that Grumpygrape's suggestion of a co- parenting app is really sound. Remember that you are the person with PR. You can do what is best for your child which is to have them available for contact with their father. If their father is unavailable for that contact, it is in your child's best interests to stay with you. Until contact is court ordered, you hold all the cards. Set up a EOW schedule (with your pre- contact holiday being scheduled in as already booked) and have your child available to their FATHER at these times. If he sends someone else, that's where a Ring doorbell is your friend. You can check who's turned up and you can refuse to hand over if it's not your child's father. You have the control. Show that you are being reasonable about contact and that you are doing everything in your child's best interests.

This is a shit situation and he's being a complete power hungry arsehole. You really need to get a formalised plan in place with the courts, or your boundaries will never be met and there'll be no legal recourse for that.

He's said some stupid things via text so make sure you save those, like you'll regret it etc, make sure all communication with him is via text from hereon. A 2 hour journey in a car is quite a way for an under 2, not to mention their life and nursery is near you so 50/50, is highly highly unlikely anyway and the jdea of him just getting long weekends isn't the case, it's usually a fair split or more like he'll get EOW but court ordered if he tried to go for 50/50. Denying the child, being g chased my cms and this behaviour he's not exhibiting will all count against him, and I know its scary to go down the court route but if you want protection from him changing things up or trying to intimidate or control you, then it has to be court ordered. Especially as he's threatening to call the police (as if he would).
Please make sure everything is documented, even if its its verbal at the doorstep, get it written down after, it all adds up if you end up in court.

A friend of mines husband tried to theaten her with 50/50 after their acrimonious divorce, told the judge all sorts but when asked how he'd look after children on his 50% as he has a busy job, he said he'd get a nanny. Court ruled for mother to be primary carer and have the kids the most. He got EOW and ended up not even seeing them that often. If your ex is handing the toddler over to extended family during his visitation for the majority of the visit then that won't be ideal either.

As others have said, no more swaps. Let him know that your child will be available EOW and one night during the week (if he picks up from nursery), and that handover will only be to him personally. And stick to it. Court will see that as you being reasonable, and if he chooses not to take up the time offered they are not going to be inclined to give him even more. And that’s if he can even be bothered to go to court, most of these men are all threats and bluster and no action.

If you haven't already done so I think you need to send this to him. It gives a clear explanation as to why you told him no. Having written evidence makes it harder for him to use this incident against you in any future nonsense he comes up with.

It would be easy for him to get PR in court and the court is unlikely to have a positive reaction to OP blocking contact because he hasn't got PR when she knows full well he's the father. Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean it's a good idea to do it. You can ask a lawyers advice on this OP, but tread lightly, it could backfire badly.

You need very firm boundaries here OP. I would say something in writing like "As I agreed to you wanting to swap weekends to accommodate your working schedule this was no longer your weekend and I won't be handing child over to someone else on my weekend now or in the future. If you aren't willing to stick to the agreements made I will no longer be able to be flexible to accommodate your needs. I am trying to support you having a relationship with child, but if you're going to then demand your weekend when I kindly changed things around for you we will have to stick strictly to the schedule. Unless you can assure me this will never happen again we are going to stick to the schedule going forward which means your next times with child are x and y date, then every fortnight after that." I would be writing down every interaction from now on, every time he doesn't have his child, the times he's nasty and so. Plan like you're going to court in case you need to. On handing over to someone he sends I'd be asking a lawyer about this. I wouldn't be happy if my XH did this, especially a stranger driving my child, I wonder if they even had an appropriate car seat, you could certainly not send DC in that situation. But safety aside I'd be getting legal advice on this one.

The right to first refusal on childcare a PP mentioned is a condition that can be added to a parenting plan or child arrangements order either by agreement or through the court. It's not an automatic thing and is often worded mutually so he might have the same right.

Why not? Well too bad for the sake of your child the arrangements need to be set out in court.

You Need to go back to a solicitor and get proper legal advice about all these issues.

OP you have to remember “he has no rights” you can do as you please he has to suck it up or go to court .
I am not saying be unreasonable and you have been more than accommodating but do remember it only falls on “his weekend “ if you allow it .

This holiday has been booked when he was around he does not get to dictate. .please stand strong .
Don’t live in fear of courts and threats.
Live your life with your Dd .

If you're child is under 3, they are still building attachment. It is CRUCIAL that they spend enough time with their primary attachment figure - which is you.
He already barely sees you during the week. If there is a secondary attachment figure - fair. But a young child cannot go to a random family member willy nilly. It is really not good for your son. Think about how you would feel? Never knowing f you are coming or going. If you are leaving mom, you don't even know where you're going. Could be dad or could be anyone from his family. This is damaging. I'm not saying it to make you feel bad, but to make you more determined to stand up for yourself and your son. You can never get the early attachment forming years back.

It was booked before the arrangement was in place though so just say that. It's not a democracy, you are the child's main caregiver and the only one with PR, you are in charge. Remind yourself of that.

She did accommodate him. She swapped the days as he requested. Therefore, what was previously his day to have the DC was now her day. She told him not to send the relative to collect the DC but he did it anyway.

He is just trying to intimidate her.

Well, that's not true as you don't have a court ordered arrangement for you to break.

You have been flexible but he is just taking advantage. He doesn't get to swap the days so he sees DC on your time but then expects to still see DC on his time.

He is just trying to scare you by saying that you would be obliged to hand dc over to whoever he sends to collect on 'his time'. It wasn't even 'his time' because he had swapped the days.

Also “you will regret this” is ominous and honestly I would call the police to log it / get advice.