To not be home?

You need to simplify this for yourself. Be more black and white.

Your ex has EOW. He misses his weekend you don't rearrange.

You only hand child over to him. Doesn't matter if he's sending someone else. Only him.

You don't answer calls from him. Communication only through WhatsApp and email.

If he threatens court, he threatens court. I doubt he'll be bothered to actually do anything. If you do go to court you will have all communication written down. Evidence of him missing weekends and sending others to pick up his kids (which isn't on btw - you're not expected to just trust any random relative that turns up) and the threats.

Set all this in an email/WhatsApp and stick to it. Let him rage.

Stop accomodating his shitty parenting, and stop letting him mess you and his son around. Stop tying yourself in knots with all the maybes. It's not going to happen and it's not worth your time.

Is your child happy to spend time with him OP?

when you say a couple of months…. how many times has he rescheduled?

ah got it.

Well the casual informality of it all for once swings in your favour.

@moo899 honestly, take this to court. Have copies of all communications between you where he has asked for swaps to be made and where he expected to have 3 weekends in a row with your child.

He might wish to have 50/50 but it doesn't mean he will automatically get it.

You will be seen as favourable by the courts by allowing him to have the child eow without it being court enforced as well as you being flexible to his demands for changes to be made.
No judge would think you unreasonable for not responding to demands via text to hand over your child to a 3rd party, at short notice, when no arrangements had been made.

Does this man pay anything towards his child?

surely you just said

”that weekend is out as i’ve already booked a holiday for us”

i’m confused

so he knows you have a holiday booked

and the current arrangement is that he will be having his son on the weekend that you will be on holiday

when you say “arrangement”… do you mean you agreed or he told you?

correct?

but when you were agreeing the arrangement… why didn’t you mention the holiday you’d already booked rather than agree to him having the weekend when you knew you had a holiday planned?

re holding back because of your holiday

presumably you had childcare arrangements in place anyway if you booked before he was involved?

how long has he been seeing his child?

Such as stressful situation for you OP. I don't think you are being unreasonable at ll - you've accommodated a change in routine at his request and you can't be expected to change it yet again at short notice. He isn't even available to pick up your DC either.

I just wanted to say make a paper trail for everything. I would use email instead of text/whatsapp (and screenshot everything up to now) for communicating with him.

If he felt that strongly about it he should have worn a condom!

I can see that it might be considered unreasonable to stick to a rigid EOW pattern if he works irregular shifts. But does he know in advance which days he'll be working? If so, you could agree on a schedule say every 6 months. If that worked out at 26 weekends then the total over that period needs to be 13 each.

With regard to DC being with other family members for full days when he's working, that sounds ridiculous to me, but you would need a solicitor to tell you the legal position. Do make sure you keep not just all messages but also notes of all contact dates, who picked up / returned DC etc.

That is not true at all! Your child was born hardwired to look for you. He knew your heartbeat, smell and voice. It does not matter if your son is in nursery, you are still his primary attachment figure. He understands nothing of biology if he suggests it is the same!
Also there is no such thing as both of you being the primary attachment figure - it cannot be equal. A baby needs their primary attachment figure - period.

The point of creation, was when the pair of you had sex.....he shouldn't have done it if he didn't want to face the potential outcome! Its not your responsibility alone to face, you are jointly responsible but it was your body - tell him to grow up!

Just don't be at home. Take DC out for the day. And cut contact until he can agree to a schedule. Let him take you to court.

Keep all texts, if they are Whatsapp'ed, download and keep them so he does not delete them.

Send him a letter by recorded delivery and keep a copy and download a copy of the post office POD.

In the letter, tell him you want to get things back on an equal footing for your child.

Explain that when you were pregnant, he told people the child was not his.

You both work fulltime, the child is in nursery during the week so you can work and you live some 2hrs apart. You remain where you have always lived.

Wanting the best for your child, it was reasonably agreed between you that he would see his child every other weekend.

He keeps wanting to change his weekends and on the whole you have been very accommodating (site various examples). However what he cannot do is contact you and demand the child on a weekend, that in effect means he has had the child three weekends in a row. It is not fair, its not what was agreed but most importantly it is unsettling for the child. Tell him you also have arrangements/commitments/activities planned for quality time together for you and your child on a weekend.

When he told you he wanted the child for the third weekend in a row, you firmly said no and he still had a family member turn up to collect the child and the confrontation is not acceptable for you or your child and as such, you ensured you were out. You were clear that the child was staying with you that weekend and if he still chose to send someone to collect the child, that was on him. Him threatening to call the Police because of his unreasonable demands is just aggravating the situation.

In essence, as a parent you want the best for your child, and you appreciate that on occasion there maybe special events where weekends need to be swopped by reasonable prior and MUTUAL arrangement but the share of time needs to be equitable and fair. Demanding the child for three weekends in a row is not fair or equitable.

In future, any amendments to the arrangements must be reasonably in advance and by mutual agreement but more than anything FAIR.

I want you to have a relationship with your child and this is why I have offered the arrangement. Whilst we don't have to get on, we do need to maintain a reasonable relationship when it comes to the well being of our child.

So I propose we re-set the relationship and start over. I re-iterate our previous agreement that you have our child every other weekend, I will only hand them over to you or a close family member and I am always willing to consider swopping weekends in expectational circumstances with reasonable prior notice and prior agreement.

Send this letter and then get yourself a zoom doorbell (do not point it out to them but don't hide it either) and record any exchanges on the doorstep and keep them, even if you don't think there is anything of note. You have already said that when you have been fine, he claimed you have been nasty, so learn the lesson.

Keep all text messages.

Then see how he reacts, this letter is very reasonable, yu are fair, yet stating the issues you are having. Good Luck

I am going to be honest. I feel he is only looking for every weekend do cma is reduced the more “over nights “ the less money he can and or he’s abusive .

Any decent parent who knows your doing all the week care juggling everything would be reasonable and wouldn’t what you not to see your son so he was with a random or would understand the child need time to chill and be with mum .

I don’t think he is soemone who would take you to court. Does he have the fees to do so ?