To not be home?

Yep OP that's absolutely the way to go.

Nope.
Don't feed into it with a reaction, particularly one that scorns his involvement. The premise is that he WANTS to be involved more. That's what he's pushing for. A reply like this would just fire him up.

The best response is none. At a push, "I'll wait to hear from your lawyer then."

Actually, might be best just to ignore him and not get yourself stressed.

Just message back and that you already spend xx hours a fortnight driving DC to nursery & toddler groups compared to the 4 hours ex does a fortnight. And your lawyer feels that this, together with the fact that it is ex that moved away, means you shouldn’t share in his travel time.

no i know someone who moved away from thheir dc an court sai they had to do all the driving as they chose to move away

a soliitor an say anything (theyre not even called lawyers) its not legally enforable

It's unlikely he even has a lawyer. And no actual lawyer/solicitor would tell him such nonsense. This is a tactic to scare you into 'behaving'

Stay strong op.

He can’t just move 2 hours away, then expect you to deliver DC to him. He’s bluffing you—trying to get you to agree to his terms, to make you believe that if he ends up taking you to court, it will be way more difficult for you, so you’d better do as he says/wishes.

I agree. He has reared up from nowhere and thinks he's going to call the shots.
Nah.

This. All of this.

And you're not being petty.

how old is your baby op?

have you received anything actually in writing from this lawyer?

but yes, sharing transportation is often seen is reasonable by the family courts

I'd do as the poster upthread said, tell him to tell his lawyer to put it all in writing and then you will pass it on to your lawyer (doesn't matter if you don't even have one!) and then it can be taken from there. He sounds all bluster and big man talk and he's hoping to bully you. Don't let him.

I am glad you went out.
You do not have to be exposed to an abusive person at your door.
Please understand you have to put your child & yourself first.
If the Dad is unavailable then perhaps he misses that weekend and can not change it to land on your weekend.
A court order is not to be looked at as a a bad option more a set stable arrangement.
If you work and habe mesdages, lunatics arriving you surely need a set arrangement or start to say No.
Can you have someone with you at hand over times?
Send the text messgages to email and keep them to show what is going on , then visit a lawyer.
Op, put a tresspass order on the person who abused you.
Push back, Stand up for yourself and for goodness sake do not feel bad to have gone out.
I think many fear court yet it empowers you to put some structure, fairness and less nonsense in place to move on.
Some Dads thrive on demands, so why let him. Turn off your phone!.

Op you have given him way too much power.. Holiday with your dc guilt free. Claim cms guilt free.. Block the fucking idiot guilt free.
Remember solicitor will write whatever shit they are paid to send...
You are tying yourself in knots for a very recent and part time knob who is inserting himself in your lives to cause trouble not be a decent df... What decent df begrudge paying cms or letting dc have a holiday?.
Unelss a judge orders something he needs accept whatever times you offer that suit you and your dc..

Message him and say you'll wait for the lawyers letter and then your lawyer can see it, until then it's staying as is.

Gosh, I really feel for you, he sounds like a real piece of work! You’ve absolutely done the right thing to go out, why should you feel anxious and threatened because he’s sending someone round who intimidates you? Moving forward, I would just tell him that no longer will you accommodate any changes. If he can’t have his child on his weekend then he misses out completely and has to wait until the next weekend is due. Also let him know that you will not be handing over your child to anyone but him. You need to let him know that your child needs stability and this is not it. I wish you all the best.

Hi op,

it is a tough one.
if you want the arrangement to remain loose and flexible. You can say that you will not have three week ends in a row without child. If he disagrees, let him do the court order.

he knows when his week ends are his apparently so let him organise himself and keep the boundaries firm for the sake of your kiddo.

Get yourself a Ring doorbell so you can see who has come to collect and only answer the door to him. Plus it shows when he picked up and dropped off.
If he's getting very arsey, I'd keep all his messages and emails and I'd stop contact and let him take you to court.
He can't stop your holiday he's not on the BC and doesn't have PR.
watch he doesn't try to mess with the holiday in other ways, Would he keep the child and not give her back if you give him the weekend before the holiday?

Firstly, imagine that every communication you send is going to be read out in court. I doubt he will bother, but it’s a good habit to get in to.

I would send an email along the following lines:

Dear x
You have asked to rearrange 3 of your 7 weekends since you began to see xx in July. I have been flexible in the arrangements, but going forward I think it would be helpful to both of us to plan your contact weekends in 3 month blocks. This way we can ensure that we have an equal number of weekends with xx, whilst accommodating your work schedule.

[Then put in a table of the weekends already assigned including your holiday.]

Please let me know by the end of the week any days that you are unavailable and I will see if I am able to accommodate your changes.

Please note that contact weekends are for xx to spend time with you. If you are unexpectedly unavailable, I will keep xx with me. Due to the abuse that I have previously received from XX, they are not welcome at any handovers and I will only be allowing xx to leave with yourself.

Best wishes etc

I agree that you should avoid reminding him that he has no parental responsibility until absolutely necessary. Don’t give him a chance to make any emergency court applications before your holiday. Also make sure you take a copy of the birth certificate with you.

Good luck!

You have every right to do this, just tell him, again in writing and keep a copy and proof of postage and tell him by text, that you had already booked a holiday for you and your child for a full week, prior to him starting to see his child and as such he will not be able to see his XXX that weekend but he can have baby the weekend after?

Just know that you are the legal parent, you have parental rights, he currently has no rights whatsoever and you are being fair allowing him access - I get you don't want to push this though. Nonetheless, allowing him access in these difficult circumstances proves you have your childs best interests at heart. And just to confirm that above and beyond your legal status as parent, you look after your child 12 days out of 14, so by an definition you are the primary care giver.