Am I being selfish?

I just told my children what he has done, how he screamed at me hen I took an overdose how he showed me no compassion. How he told me to write my will. Now they are hurting and shocked and it's all my fault

Thank you @pinkyredrose

He isn't staying with us, coming from Australia. It is just the shutting down. I'm in shock actually, can't believe they all turned on me

Just having dinner, Husband announced that his brother is coming over.
His brother is a wife beating abusive wanker. DD said "I won't be having anything to do with him"
H said "don't let others people sway your opinion".
i replied that he was a disgusting person and why should DD need to be quite?
Dd DA and H turned on me, this isn't the place, we are having a family dinner, why are you causing an arguement?

Please tell me I'm not wrong? Please?

Had a huge row last night, he went out to meet some old "friends".

I say that because when I was ill I found out they were not my friends. The woman has been particularly two faced and nasty about me.
How he can socialise with people that have really hurt me is hurtful. It's like I'm the enemy in every situation.

I have woken up this morning shaking with anxiety, I had to take a tablet to calm my nerves.
I have booked an appointment with my therapist for next week, I'm scared that I'm losing my mind again.

Sorry have nobody to vent to, I have to be careful around my family as they are so worried about me.

Thank you @TooManyNiblings

Yes you're right he would be ill and I would definitely be the bad guy!

I think I would feel too guilty. Also if I booked something he would schedule the treatment to start that day.

Thank you @TooManyNiblings can I please ask you a question?

He is due to start 4 rounds of chemo. Day 1 an infusion, then 2 weeks of tablets then a week off.

I know everyone responds differently but my sister wants me to go away for a little break. Even though I know I will get backlash from him and his family would be be too ill to leave for a week?

Hey all thought I would pop into this thread as I'm having a pretty bad time of it.

H started his treatment after trying to put it off and curing himself with alternative medicine (long story).

We have had lots of arguments about this and one of the medicines he was given actually caused (repairable) damage.

I have been accused of being stupid about chemo, told that I need to educate myself.

Every book I've bought him, any suggestion I've given him has been thrown back in my face.

He has continued to drink alcohol, which I have not nagged him about. I understand that in his position he sometimes needs a release but has been drinking to excess on many occasions.
I bought him some non alcoholic CBD types of drinks and he wouldn't even try them. Just said they were crap and to return them!

Im really trying to detach and grey rock him but the silent treatment is awful.

Im dreading him starting chemo and how ill he may be. It's due to start soon (if he agrees) and I just want to run away.

The house is so miserable and I feel like the children blame me as he is the one with cancer.

He is making it so hard for me. Im really struggling with it all. Not sure what im looking for but I want to keep a record of things.

Thank you @Hoppinggreen

I think I will have to go, H is going early and said I can go when daughter finishes work. I would hate to upset my DD :(

FIL significant birthday tomorrow. I've been told we are going over to see him.
He is a horrible bully too (Apple doesn't fall....)
BIL will be there too.

Im so pissed off with them all, would it be bad if I don't go? Trying not to drink but I always want to drink in their company.

Will be bad mouthed but I'm at the point where I don't care!

@toucheee
Thank you, he plays with my head so much that I sometimes think it's me.

He has stage 3, treatment hasn't started yet as they couldn't get a positive biopsy.
They got one last week. The plan is radiotherapy/ chemo and then an operation.

Dr seems positive that it can be beaten but the operation will be life changing.

I am determined now that he isn't going to "break me".
I do need to use this time to get my ducks in a row and sort myself out. I look and feel awful.

My DM has said that he is crafty, sneaky and what a liar he is. Even after everything I tried to see the food in him and just thought he was a product of his upbringing.

Maybe hoping he would change, I'm so stupid.

Sorry need to vent again and putting this here so I can read back on this thread to gather strength.

I don't have a very good relationship with in-laws. They have been very critical of me over the years. H never stands up to them.
My BIL is particularly horrible, could write a whole thread on just him!

When H got his cancer diagnosis he managed to make it about him, how upset he was etc.
Never once asked how I was coping. I have been on every appointment/ scan with H and as I said at the beginning H seemed grateful.

2 weeks ago H said that BIL partner had found a lump, was being investigated but no diagnosis yet.

SIL had MRI and message put on group chat that Stage 2 cancer been confirmed but no spread.
I messaged back how sorry I was and had been hoping for good news.
Bil replied "well it was confirmed 2 weeks ago!"
I said I didn't know that and he replied "very very strange ...."

I said to H I think I may have upset them and that he had told me that it hadn't been confirmed. He started shouting at me saying he has so much stuff on he was confused?

He also said you know what Bil is like and that he was driving him crazy.

I then heard H on the phone to his mum saying how he thinks Bil is getting stressed and he was going to call him.

He was on speaker to BIL and SIL discussing the research BIL had been doing regarding diet and vitamins to fight cancer.
H replying how great all the info was ( but privately to me he had said how he was driving him mad with all the info).

I then heard SIL ask how my MRI went as I've been having pain after an accident I had last year. I could here BIL in background saying "Well has she been exercising?"
H then took phone of speaker and went into another room to finish conversation.

Probably doesn't sound too bad, but at that moment I realised how two faced H really is and also what a gaslighter.

He has been really horrible the last few days and I've been finding solace in wine.

Im determined to stop drinking today and find some inner strength to get through all this

Sorry for the ramble, I'm using this thread as a journal to get me through

No he definitely has it, I have been to all the hospital appointments.

@SensibleSigma
THANK YOU just what I needed to hear x

Thank you Thank you @SensibleSigma

After Covid I really got my act together, was exercising, got some Botox, new job , was really looking great!
He agreed that he was emotionally abusive and would change. When I got ill and reminded him what he had said. He replied that he only agreed with me because he thought I was going to leave!

Im now stuck in a rut of being overweight, drinking far too much and letting myself go. I'm sorry I sound like such a pity party but I don't know how to pull myself out of this .