To have unfriended this person?

YABU and cruel

This is a reverse.

Your sister is correct. Grief carries you wherever you are, she hasn't forgotten the pain she's feeling just because she's in another country. What will likely make her feel worse is so called friends disappearing without explanation leaving her with more hurt.

The kindest interpretation that I can give to your reaction, is that you are struggling with unresolved grief over your own mum and that this therefore triggered you.

But YABU. Maybe her mother's last wish had been that she should continue as usual and not cancel her holiday; I'm assuming it was pre-booked. Maybe she and/or her children desperately need to spend a little time away from the funereal atmosphere (which for some can enhance grief rather than being a support) and start getting back to some sort of normality. Maybe her mum had been already essentially lost to dementia for some time, and your friend has already done her grieving. Maybe she chooses not to use social media to express grief, and only posts the, possibly quite few, happier occasions.

If you had been still close, I would have said that it was quite cruel of you to dump her just because she doesn't show grief in the same way as you do. Since you weren't much in touch with her anyway, I doubt that it will have much if any impact on her, especially at a time when she and her family doubtless have more important concerns. So, if her posts cause you distress, it may indeed be best to unfriend her; but don't rush to judgement,

Wow, OP.

You are being incredibly judgmental here. You literally suggested she isn't a good person for going on holiday after a family death and daring to smile?!

For all you know, that could have been exactly what her Mum requested - that the family don't sit around crying but go away together and celebrate the life of a loved one. It's more common than you think.

People do not have to look at things the way you do, OP.

When I lost a parent I still did my best to do normal things which included going on a prebooked holiday. What I didn’t post to the world was me sitting on the balcony crying every evening.

You can grieve while still living. Especially if you have a family, you can’t always just stop.

This is terrible advice. Whatever your views on the holiday, this woman is dealing with the death of a parent. Even if she couldn’t stand her mother, it will still have brought back any bad memories. OP is someone she hasn’t seen in years who has already decided to make her “friend’s” mother’s death about her. The last thing she needs is a whiny “Me, me, me” apology. She probably hasn’t even noticed the deletion yet - and it will be a very, very long way down her priority list at the moment.

Oooh look another little goady bitch plop and run OP
Lot of them around here recently

Exactly this.
Sorry OP, but you sound very young or very immature and your sister's "each to their own" attitude is spot on. There is NO "correct" way to behave in grief. Everyone is different. Hopefully the results of this thread will teach you this and you will become more tolerant of attitudes and behaviours which don't align with your world-view.

Everyone grieves differently.

I'm very much of the 'death is part of life' and 'life goes on' school of thought.

Both of my parents have died. My dad died suddenly and relatively young at 56 and that really distressed me but 3 weeks later I was out for St Patrick's night. My parents were Irish and while I was out the band played Black Velvet Band a traditional Irish song that my dad would sing (when he'd had a couple of pints!). That choked me but also made me feel close to him.

My mum died after a long battle with cancer and while I was sad and still miss her 15 years on it was absolutely a relief for her and for us. Watching your beloved Mum die is horrible.

I think you're being harsh on your friend.

Wow so judgemental.

i went abroad three days after my mums passing. The holiday was planned, her passing away three days before wasn’t. I had the decision to stay home or try and go and give my children a nice holiday. For me personally, being abroad ended up being an escape from the hell and reality at home and was probably the best thing I could have done. I posted pictures on that holiday because I wanted the memories of the holiday with my children. I probably had people judge me too.

Who are you to judge? There can be moments of joy within grief - all the better for them.

In all likelihood I be celebrating when my (diagnosed) narcissist of a mother dies. Just because you were devastated at your loss doesn’t mean others will be.

My youngest died as a baby. After grieving for a couple of months I went manic. Literally it was like life was wonderful. I lost weight, made plans, spent far too much, seemed happy to everyone who met me. It must have looked as if I'd got over it really well...I didn't. I still have that grief now. The pain was so unbearable, that I think my brain couldn't cope, so (I do have bipolar), my mind decided that everything was great. 13 years later and the pain is still in my stomach and overwhelms me if it catches me off guard.

I lost my baby brother suddenly a few years ago. I wasn't prepared for it, so it knocked me sideways. We had a holiday just after the funeral. There are photos of me smiling, though I was dying inside. I don't want DD to look back on holiday photos of me looking morose and her smiling. I carried him with me, going on holiday did not make the distance between my grief any less that at home.

My dad was different. He'd had cancer for a few years, I'd dreaded him dying and had since I was young. I still haven't grieved for him. I've been abroad a several times in the three years since he died. I still shut my mind off so I won't feel the loss, I've managed to avoid the grief by not allowing my mind to wander there. It doesn't mean I don't care or am over it, in fact I haven't allowed myself to go there as it scares me.

You really can't judge people on how you reacted. Other people are not you

WTF is wrong with you? You unfriended someone who is currently grieving because you didnt approve of a photo they posted of their family online?

I am glad you did that actually- this person is better off without you in their life. You are a nasty piece of work.

Just after my mother died, I went to a house party at a good friend's house.

I got really drunk. I danced and I'm sure at many points I smiled and laughed. I also remember sitting around a table with close friends talking and crying.

Grief was a journey, ride, a sometimes surprising experience and one I'm still on several years later. I'm a huge advocate for it being healthy to fully feel one's feelings.

The aspect of grief that most surprised me was that for months I became extremely impulsive and found myself doing things out of character. I don't think there can necessarily be a "correct" way to behave after deep loss. It's not as if a year later the loss is no longer and everything is back to normal. It never goes away, you just learn to live alongside it.

YABVU

And so judgemental!

Why do you think people should react the way you have?

You are being judgemental end of

She’s not you and her reactions may be different to yours. You’re very judgmental. Whilst I won’t be cheering when my mum dies, I won’t really care, she was a neglectful uncaring parent in many ways. Maybe she feels similarly?

After my dad died, my mum still went on her planned holiday with the entire family, otherwise she would have been home alone with me and my db living hours away. Should she have donned black sat and rocked in a corner?

Everyone grieves differently and just because it's different to you, you have a problem with it. When my bf died I was in a weird faze of denial for months went through the funeral the inquest and dealing with the police like a robot then it all of a sudden hit me but for the most part it was done in private. I wasn't posting videos on social media of me crying and writing post after post of how heartbroken I was as I didn't need attention or fake sympathy from people online. However what people didn't see was the therapy sessions, gp visits, crying my self to sleep, the suicide attempts, the self harm, the alcohol. On the surface I looked like I was coping really well because that's what most people do around others and on social media it's big smiles and showtime.

How inappropriate to project your own feelings upon another.

Everyone has different relationships with their mothers.

Everyone grieves in different ways. Maybe through the death of her mother she realised life is for living and decided to spend quality time with her family. Maybe she spent the hour before that drink reminiscing on happy times with her mum and was drinking her favourite drink in celebration of her life. How would you know and who are you to judge?! Would you rather she sat alone in a dark room, not drinking or eating anything and wasting away? What would be a suitable time she should do that do you think? A month? A year? Two?

You admit to being a nosey parker at the end. Try being a real friend, it’s nicer. If I were her I’d be glad you removed yourself from my friends list given you clearly aren’t a friend.

I'm glad you unfriended her as she certainly doesn't need people like you in her life. My Mum died 3 days before we were due to go on a family holiday. We still went. It was the best thing that could have happened. We talked about her all the time, remembered things she did that made us laugh and drank Pina Coladas in her memory. None of us can really remember details of the holiday now but we do remember being altogether and sharing memories of my beloved Mum.

Of course you overreacted. Its none of your business how others deal with their grief and I say that as someone who no longer has either of my parents so its not as if I am a stranger to losing a parent.

I am a very private person and I dont feel comfortable with public shows of grief or spilling my inner most thoughts on social media. I do however, feel comfortable posting family photos of lighter occasions online. It has absolutely zero to do with how I process grief- just because I am not posting photos of me viscerally sobbing online over a coffin does not mean I wasnt utterly heartbroken about the loss of either of my parents. In fact, I was so cut up about it, I had to have therapy but only a few people in my inner circle know that.

Frankly, I am disgusted by your judgemental attitude. It stinks.

That's awful of you. My dad died after an intense period of about 6 months and we did have a holiday booked which we went on..I checked with my mum and she had her sister staying with her and encouraged us to go. Life has to go on especially when you have children. You can grieve for someone in any country.

The holiday was likely pre booked. What could she have done if she’d stayed at home? A friend of mine’s mum died recently, she had been unwell for a long time. Her dad had literally just got on a plane for a pre planned holiday, he didn’t come home, what could he have done if he had?