To have unfriended this person?

I mean she had probably already booked the holiday. The family is going through a bit of a shit time and she has kids to think of who had probably been looking forward to it.

Not everyone grieves how you do. I do think your reaction is strange.

YABVU. My way of dealing with difficult things and grief is to get myself away from the situation. This definitely means a change of scene, and if that involves going somewhere nice with good weather, then even better. It doesn't stop the feelings, but it gives you some space and distance from normal life to get your head around them. I cannot believe you judged this woman for doing that.

My Mum and Dad would be the same.

When my Nan died it was just before Christmas. We were all upset but there were young kids in the family. We carried on doing Christmas as normal so the kids had a good time and had a good time ourselves. It didn’t mean we weren’t grieving for my Nan.

Omg, this is so unreasonable! Everyone copes with grief differently, that is not a reason to unfriend someone 😳

I went on holiday abroad very soon after my dog suddenly died of lymphoma.It had been booked for over a year.
I cried a lot on holiday but I only posted happy family pics.
Don't judge her.

If I were terminally ill and knew that I would only have a few days to live and I was aware that my child had booked a holiday for a couple of weeks later, I would absolutely tell my child to make sure they go on holiday and raise a glass in my memory, so that they could try and relax after the strain leading up to my departure.

You can’t judge other people …..my friends mum died in summer …..4 days later she came to a music festival with me and other friends ( pre booked) …..she reallly enjoyed it …..lots of happy photos taken…..it took her mind off what had happened …..didn’t mean she missed her mum any less……she was a great DD to her Mum ….spent 20 years as her carer

I'm in my 70s, very fit and healthy at the moment but when my time comes I very much hope that my DC, to whom I am very close, will make the most of any chance of happiness they get.

Absolutely do not do this! Leave this poor woman alone!

You're being HUGELY unreasonable. My mum died last year and my brother had previously booked a holiday which was the week after, before the funeral. I wasn't bothered in the slightest about him going and my mum would have wanted him to go relax after all we'd been through. I'd organised the funeral the day after she died and we met the man who was doing the funeral before he left.

As an aside I went away the month after as caring for her the three months from diagnosis till she died had literally exhausted me and I needed a change of scenery, to relax and have some fun. I think you're being horribly judgemental.

Your story sounds similar to mine. 3 months of a horrible downward decline. It's exhausting and a holiday was much needed. She'd been at my wedding 14 weeks before she died. She was 86 but very fit beforehand. It's two years ago for me and still raw. I hope you're doing ok.

i imagine the holiday was planned in advance, her mother would not have wanted her to cancel i bet

[Most] people don't post pics of them sobbing and grieving on social media. They post happy smiling pics because that's what everyone wants to see. Everyone deals with bereavement differently and some would rather grieve in private rather than do a whole public performance. It's not a competitive sport.

I went on a pre-booked holiday a few days after losing my mum and before the funeral. I bawled my eyes out when I got on the plane then I pulled myself together and made the most of it because that's what she would have wanted. It took about two years before I could talk about her without crying. I certainly grieved. I didn't have social media at the time but if I had, I would have posted typical holiday pics, not ones of me crying in the bathroom in the wee small hours.

Honestly, you re being so judgemental! She is having a good time, so what? That doesn't mean she willl not have bad times, wish her mum was still here and cry, but for now she is being taken out of her grief which is surely good. Life does go on, it has to, and remember, her mother was elderly and may well have had an extremely good life.

We found out my DH’s beloved Nana died and then immediately went out with our DDs to the cinema and bowling. We had already booked it and the children were looking forward to it. We were both upset but actually it was nice to be able to focus on our children and their enjoyment for a while before having to deal with our grief.

YABU and she is better off without you on her friend list. How people deal with their grief is none of your business.

I went on holiday after my mum died. We actually moved it from Wales to Durham area as it was closer to home. The funeral ended up being in the middle of the holiday. We came back for it then went back on holiday. I was so traumatised by the speed and nature of her death I needed my holiday. Posted a few photos when I got home. Doesn't mean I wasn't grieving terribly.

Everyone has different coping mechanisms. MYOFB

My grandfather died (in another country), after a long illness, 12 days before my wedding. Should we have cancelled everything for performative grieving? It would be different if it were an unexpected death of someone young.

Unbelievably unreasonable. Very judgemental of you.

her life cannot stop because her mother died and of course she should experience joy with her family. I’m sure she is deeply grieving privately- as you have experienced yourself. No one wants their loved ones to put their life on hold with grief after they’ve gone.

give your head a wobble

Calling yourself her friend feels like it's ready stretching the term as thin as it'll go. Were you really expect people to support you for dumping your 'friend' for not grieving the death of her mum the way you think she should?
She's far better off with you in her life.

No one could think this is reasonable. Fwiw my mum died after telling us we should still go away - she'd been ill for a long time and she died when we were abroad.

I still took photos of our holiday as the two are completely separate events.

You sound like you're making this all about you which is very odd.

You sound batshit. And a bit Victorian.

Just because you wouldn't have chosen to go on holiday, doesn't mean she is bound by the same choices.

Her life, her grieving by process, her choices!

I'm probably the only person who has cancelled a holiday because my mum died. I spent 6 weeks at my dying mother's bedside last year and cancelled a holiday that fell between her death and the funeral.

It was the second holiday in 12 months that I'd cancelled because, the year before, my daughter was having a very difficult twin pregnancy.

But OP - live and let live.

This. If I told my DM (78) and DF (83) that I would cancel a pre booked and pre paid holiday, potentially losing £1000s, if either of them died around that time, they'd tell me not to be so bloody stupid and go ahead and enjoy ourselves. Not going wouldn't bring them back. YABVU to judge your friend this way.