To have unfriended this person?

We had a family bereavement recently. It was expected, but that still made the person's death sad.
A fortnight later, we went on holiday and had a really nice time.
We had the funeral on our return.

Doesn't mean we aren't sad, or mourning.

When my very loved mother died, I went to a hairdresser appointment the following day. It made no difference to the fact that she was dead, there was nothing I could do, realistically, as I'd informed the relevant people immediately. No point sitting at home. She'd not have appreciated me sitting around doing nothing for no good reason.

If she does notice, she will see that a supposed friend deleted her right after her mother died.

I hope she sees your true colours. Such an unnecessary and nasty thing to do.

Her mother will still be dead by the time she gets back from her holiday.

You've done her a favour by unfriending her - she absolutely does not need a judgement “friend” like you in her life, dictating how she should feel about her own mother’s death and projecting your own grief and “I would never”s on to her. Grief is totally individual so how dare you dictate how she should handle it.

If I had a holiday or anything planned and something like this happened my mum would want me to carry on and live my life. Doesn’t mean she isn’t grieving or breaking down inside. Even if it wasn’t planned, grief doesn’t have a handbook. This might be what she needed right now. She deffo doesn’t need judgmental people, so you did the right thing for her by unfriending her.

YBVVU. But hey, you can unfriend whoever you want and, in this case, I think they'd be better off for it.

See the thing is OP. What you've done is the same as me telling you, you should be over your mother's death by now..it's been years, get a grip....

It's not very nice is it? You're out of order. Your experience of grief is your experience.

This. Well said.

Er, this is not what happened at all. OP said her friend posted a family photo of them on holiday. It was entirely OP’s opinion that it looked as though they were having a ‘fun time’. You have no idea of the circumstances surrounding the DM’s death, or why they chose to carry on with the holiday. People grieve in different ways - some put on a brave public face and do their grieving in private. It’s not a difficult concept. And it’s possible to have fun on holiday while still being very sad at the passing of a parent.

Sorry but you’ve behaved really fucking weirdly and she’s going to be wondering what she’s done wrong.
It sounds a little like you think you ‘own’ the grief of losing a mother.
Good for her for finding some light during a terrible time of grief.

Massively unreasonable. You have no idea what she is going through behind closed doors. My DH lost his mum the day before our 15th wedding anniversary. 3 days later we travelled to a very expensive spa weekend that had been booked and paid for a year in advance. What outsiders would not have known; her death was not unexpected so we were preparing ourselves for it. There was nothing we could do in that “inbwerween” time so it helped with grief. The actual location that we travelled too (other side of the country), was where his late mother holidayed every single year for many years and is where her ashes will eventually be scattered so if held much spiritual significance. Yet someone looking on Facebook could have seen a photo with DH with a pint in his hand and thought “callous barsted” and unfriended him….

When my 94 yo old parent died with Alzheimer’s after years of working so hard to ensure a secure and happy life for them, and a calm peaceful death at home I would have de-friended YOU like a shot had I caught a whiff of your judgey pants.

I am so sorry about the loss of your Mum OP.

But where have you been the last few years? Not supporting your old acquaintance, it seems. One condolence message is hardly friendship.

She’s better off without you judging her from your high horse.

My parents were Irish and I've got lots of family who still live there. This wouldn't be an issue at all. Maybe the people you know, but not a flat out Irish thing.

There’s a difference between going on a holiday and posting yourself having a laugh on social media before the funeral has even taken place.

Standing by for the deletion message because "Op was concerned they'd be identified in real life" when in reality it's because they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I am one of the 1% who thinks you are not being unreasonable. I live in Ireland and nobody would post something like that on SM after the death of a parent, no matter what their relationship was like. It must be a cultural thing.

The time between death and the funeral is such a difficult time. People need to get through it any way they can.

I know someone that went on holiday really soon after her mum died. People judged her for it. What they didn't see was the years of care she had given, sacrificing her own wellbeing. She spent the last week at the hospital with her dear mum. She needed to get away. I supported her wholeheartedly.

Everyone grieves and has different relationships with their parents. I lost my DPs young but I wouldn’t judge anyone for their grieving actions. Maybe she wasn’t insured for the holiday and took it, maybe it’s a good break for her family? Maybe her and her mum had a difficult relationship?
We went away as a family when FIL was on his last legs, he died about a week later. We weren’t insured for him dying as he had been ‘dying’ for months, he had end-stage dementia so wasn’t aware of what was going on. I posted nice pics on FB. No-one thought it was strange.

When I was a child, my parents and I few off on holiday straight after my sibling's funeral. I say 'holiday' - my parents weren't exactly living it large on sun, sea and sangria. But they said they just needed to get away from the house as it was too upsetting being there in the immediate aftermath without one child.

Who knows - they might even have flown out between the death and the funeral were it for the fact the funeral happened two days after the death (long time ago).

My own mum's funeral was 3 weeks after her death. Funeral arrangements were well in place and were it not for the fact I had pets to take care of, I might have flown somewhere warm for a break. Why not? They're still gonna be dead when you come back and it's a bit of a breather from relentless phone calls.

I think you've probably done this woman a favour though, @unfriender . She won't need such judgey people in her life. I wonder what your sister REALLY thinks of your behaviour though.

On the off chance this is real, you are obviously unreasonable

I’m guessing that it was some form of dementia. If so, I know how you feel. My mum is in the final stages of advanced vascular dementia and every day for the past three years I’ve lost a little bit more of her. I know I won’t have her very much longer and like you, I’ve done a lot of grieving already. I will be devastated when the inevitable happens. But there will be relief as well - that’s she’s released from the prison her brain and failing body have become. OP would probably think I’m a terrible person for thinking that way.

What a weird thread. Elderly people dying is part of the circle of life. My DM is still with me, but quite a few of my friends have lost their parent over the last couple of years. They have been incredibly sad but they have also got on with their lives, have talked about how wonderful their DPs were and what good lives they had and that death is inevitable and for some meant that they were no longer in pain or suffering. Others may not react like that an grieve very differently. All ways are fine.

What did you expect her to do, OP?

I wish I hadn't!

I'm not taking the bait.