To have unfriended this person?

Quite frankly a few photos on Facebook doesn’t show how someone is feeling in real life. 6 weeks after my dads passing we went away for the weekend to celebrate a family members special bday with friends. I put on a good front but in our room I cried myself to sleep one night and woke myself in tears the next. My husband commented on how sad I looked when we were on our own.
it makes me sad to think I night have had friends who judged me for trying to have a nice time.

What makes you have the right to dictate how someone should greive? Do you know the ins and outs of their relationship or the circumstances in which her mother died. Sometimes it is a relief that the person is out of pain. Lots of people would rather their family members where not sat around devastated and would much rather their life was celebrated. You also dont know how that person is underneath a smile for a camera. You over reacted.

Talk about kicking someone when she's down.

How could you treat someone like this who just lost her mother?

You don't get to tell another person how she should feel or how she should express it.

This is very judgmental of you and shows a lack of understanding that people are different!
Some people are not devastated at the time or years after a death.
Some deaths are a relief- painful illness, dementia etc.
Some people are upset but try to get on with life especially if they have kids.
Your own experience of life is not universal.

It's literally fuck all to do with you.

Shes better off though...so there's that.

That was a really awful thing to do to her OP.

I’ve had a best friend (she’s not now) have a go at me being happy after her mum died, or behaving a certain way because apparently grief takes 2 years. I never knew there was a time limit on grief.

My dad died when I was 22/23 but as I didn’t know him that well it wasn’t hard, but it was still a big shock as I was grieving for the relationship we should’ve had as father/daughter.

I hate all this “I can’t help the way I feel” crap. It’s such an abdication of responsibility. You need to look at why you thought this was in any way an appropriate reaction. At why you made a friend’s grief into YOUR drama. It’s not the behaviour of a rational adult.

I'm embarrassed that you returned to this thread to try and justify it again.

YABU

People grieve differently
Maybe the holiday was pre booked
Maybe her mums death had been expected for a long time
Photos on social media don't show the full picture. It's a snapshot of a moment in time and in my experience often quite deceiving. I've seen friends post smiley happy pictures when there going through terrible times.

I do think this has triggered the loss of your own mum 💐

I read about this concept and I think you might find it interesting. Basically, everyone in life has an inner or an outer scorecard. this is the framework you use when making decisions.

An Outer Scorecard is based on how the external world sees you, judges you, and stacks you up in comparison to others, an Inner Scorecard is something based on what you truly want without thinking too much about what other people think of you. Life is a lot easier with an Inner scorecard.

You might like to think about this when you’re next judging someone’s behaviour.

Imagine this. Another friend of yours also lost her mum and consequently in a show of mourning, wore only black, including a black veil for the following year. She then unfriends you because during your period of mourning you dared to wear ordinary clothes. Would this be ridiculous?

With respect & kindness, focus on your own game. Your post shows you have a limited understanding of the bigger picture in life.

And you think you’re the gatekeeper for how someone grieves the loss of their own mother why, exactly?

You do realise that everyone grieves differently and you have no say or control over how someone handles death? Her mother isn’t even any relation to you. You are bizarre. Keep your nose out.

You can’t judge everyone by your own standards. Especially where grief is concerned. We all grieve differently and life does have to go on. Her going on holiday doesn’t mean she’s any less sad about the death of her mother. Unfriending her was a very extreme thing to do, but if you feel that strongly about it, it’s likely better for her that you won’t be able to pass judgement on her life from now on. Your sister was right.

Such a strange and weird reaction to something that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. Its good that you have unfriended this person because atleast now they don't have you judging their life.

Her mum's just died.

You've unfriended her without any explanation.

So again. Her mum has just died. You've basically communicated that you no longer wish to speak to her. But with no explanation.

If this was someone you lived close to would you blank them in the street? FFS.

I will not be messaging her to apologise or attempting to refriend her. What's done is done so I will just hope she doesn't notice

Literally everyone in this thread has told you, YABU (and actually rather cruel in fact) but you refuse to do anything about it. Why even bother asking then?

Enjoy being self righteous, but if you carry on in this vein, punishing people for not behaving in the exact same way as you to upsetting life events then you will end up very alone in the future and you will only have yourself to blame.

Please try and stop being so judgemental in future.

This is the definition of BU. I took my kids to the zoo the day after my mum's funeral, and yes we did have a nice time. It doesn't mean I wasn't totally devastated by her death as I was and remain so more than a year later, but life doesn't stop, especially when you have kids. I also took my kids places in the period between her death and funeral and probably looked like I was having fun too.

You don't win grief top trumps because you did one thing and someone else does another.

Honestly I think she's probably dodged a bullet by you unfriending her anyway 🤷‍♀️

If there was ever a YABU this is it.

I held my father’s hand as he died and two hours later took myself out for a pizza in the sunshine and a glass of wine. What a MONSTER.

As I said in my OP, she was not a close friend and I hadn't seen her for years so I will not be messaging her to apologise or attempting to refriend her. What's done is done so I will just hope she doesn't notice.

I doubt she’ll notice but if she does, she’ll be thinking it’s no loss.

She probably accepted your friend request because you’re her friend’s sister.

However, I cannot help the way I feel, even if the replies have shown it's not how most people would feel.

But you can help the way you behave. So maybe for the future a) take on board that other people, like you, often feel and react differently to things and b) don’t let your feelings erupt into unkindness! By judging people and unfriending them for having different feelings to you.

I can’t help the way I feel about lots of things but I am not a toddler so I manage how I express it.

But underneath all this I guess you were projecting your own grief about your Mum, and these things catch us by surprise.

Wow. I’m sorry for the loss of your mum, but try to remember that no two people’s experience of grief are the same. The holiday was probably exactly what she needed.
We owe it to those we’ve loved and lost to live our lives to the fullest.