To have unfriended this person?

Perhaps she had a long drawn out painful death and they’re glad it’s over for her. Perhaps it was 5 seconds posing for a holiday photo and she sobbed herself to sleep later.

I've a friend who lost her husband after many years of caring for him.

She went on holiday not that long afterwards.

She is still heartbroken many months later at losing him and will probably always be.

You have no understanding of the different ways people grieve. There should be no prescriptive way. There is no correlation between grieving in a particular way and the level of grief or the measure of love for the person lost.

There is someone I lost many years ago. I was able to laugh and go out several days after their loss. I still mourn them many years later. You are being spectacularly unreasonable to think that anyone who doesn't grieve the way you do is being disrespectful or didn't love the person enough.

Wow!! Your post is so judgmental and frankly it's none of your business.

You don't get to dictate how other people grieve. I've lost many people including my own parents. At the risk of sounding heartless what is there to be gained by sitting around at home for weeks just waiting?

How do you know she is leaving her siblings to sort everything out?

When my father died he lived not very near me, so all the arrangements were done by phone and email.

We had a holiday booked, for the week after his death. We went and made the best of it. I didn’t want my children to miss out on their annual holiday because of me. I was sad but I’m sure I managed to crack a smile for the camera and get on with doing things with them.

I did have to make quite a few phone calls to arrange things. My sister did nothing and there was no one else.

Im hoping that lets you see that some of your assumptions may not be correct.

You are being very unreasonable. And very unkind. Everyone grieves in their own way. My DM died in July 2021. I still miss her, love her and think of her every day.

Her funeral was on 5 August and we had already a holiday booked to start a 7 August. We still went (just altered the booking to take DF with us as well). I don’t post photos on SM but I have lots of photographs of that holiday on my phone. We look happy and relaxed in all of them; on the beach, in a bar, in a restaurant, on a coastal walk; doing all sorts of lovely things. We were all grieving but were making the best of things as my DM would have wanted.

I am quite saddened by your post OP; that you can be so lacking in empathy and so judgmental. Maybe your own grief has clouded your judgment on this one. I’d try to correct the damage if it’s not too late.

You've overreacted there. People don't have to fit into your model of the way things should be.

You can unfriend people on SM for whatever reason you like.

But doing so because of what you describe is a bit of a dick move. You don't get to police how other people process things.

Do what you want with social media. I'd suggest if you can "unfriend" her so easily you weren't ever an actual friend.

I can't bear the pressure to do performative grief.

She probably didn't want her dc to miss out and knew her dm would you don't have wanted that either.

It's precisely none of your business. She isn't hurting anyone. There isn't a "correct" way to grieve.

I think you’ve done her a favour by unfriending her, she doesn’t need friends like you with your grief yardstick.

It's honestly none of your business if and when she goes on holiday, OP.

Maybe it had been booked for a while. Maybe they all just felt they needed to get away.

Whatever the reason, it was their choice. Not your place to pass judgement.

I lost my mum at a youngish age (she wasn’t yet 60) and we still went on a pre booked night away a handful of days later. I did talk to my dad about it before we went though..

Massive overreaction.

You realise not everyone is close to their mum don't you. Even if they were close everyone deal with grief differently, for some people it's booking a holiday and finding reasons to smile.

I think this is an absolutely ridiculous reason to unfriend someone.

You sound nice.

Very unreasonable. How she grieves is her own business and if the holiday was already booked why shouldn’t she make the best of it. You saw a moment of happiness in that photo, you didn’t see how sad she may have been at other times or the rest of the day where she was trying to keep it together for her DC so that they could enjoy their holiday. I imagine they raised a glass to her mum at some point too. Wind your neck in!

In the kindest way possible, YABVU. Good for her trying to keep going for her family and giving the kids normality. You’ve no idea how she’s feeling. You’ve no idea if her mum had any issues which meant her family have been grieving a long time already before she passed. Last thing she needs is to deal with any drama from others about how she should be behaving during this time so please just leave her well alone and chalk this up to you being a poor ‘friend’

No need to ask the internet if you can unfriend her, if you don't want to see her posts crack on, how she behaves isn't anything to do with you

You are being ridiculous.

Ask yourself what you mean by 'too much' and 'too soon'. You have an ingrained sense of propriety which will include suitable activities and the length of time acceptable.
Its ok for you to have those values for yourself, but ask yourself why you expect others to have exactly the same rules.

Everyone grieves differently. I had a major bereavement and a period of a few weeks after when I was in ‘denial’ emotionally. I was in a strange place though - detached and kept laughing all the time and then fell into deep, more obvious depressive grief for a very very long time - and obv the cycle of grief never really closes.
I remember someone looking at me oddly in those weeks but it was what it was!
I’m sorry for your loss of your mother though op.

YABVU. I wouldn’t cancel a holiday if my parent died and I know they wouldn’t want me to either. You’ve no idea of the details - maybe she’s devastated but trying to carry on as normal. Maybe she thinks her mother was an insufferable old hag and is celebrating her demise. Either way, not your business!

The key is, everyone deals with grief in different ways. You deal with it one way, she another. Neither is right or wrong.

Defriending someone because they posted a photo you know NOTHING about in terms of the situation, their feelings etc is extreme - I'd look closer at yourself as to why you felt the need to do this.

She'd probably had the holiday booked for ages. Her being in the country wouldn't have changed anything.

Your sister is right.