To be really really pissed off with my Son's Bus drivers and the parent?

It was awful of the other mother to contact OP. If her DS's needs aren't being met then she needs to speak to the school. What exactly does she think OP can do about it? That after 10 years a mean message from another parent will be the thing that means OP can suddenly stop her child self harming? You would hope that parents of other DC at a special school would have empathy for the various difficulties the children face.

All 3 people are being utter dicks. I would complain to transport and school about the attitude of the driver and escort as they frankly need to have far more patience for the children under their care.

The other parent.., wow what a twat. Block them if you can- I have class dojo and had no idea parents could message each other on there, thought it was just between staff and parents but surely must be possible to block. But also let your child’s teacher know this parent has sent this very hurtful, unnecessary message. My son is at a special school and I don’t think any of the staff would be ok with one parent harassing another like that. Completely unacceptable.

My friend is a driver for a very similar group of children, his contract is paid by the council at a significantly higher rate than a standard mini bus fair, it's to account for the fact that nobody is expecting times to run smoothly.

They don't sound like they are fit for the job.

I'd probably speak to the school about them all, as for the other mum, that sounds like an abuse of the dojo system to me.

This is why my husband who has been an SEN teacher all his life is thinking of starting a transport business. He says parents and children are being let down. He saw is so much when teaching.

Given that your command of English is debatable given how difficult this post was to understand, should we also assume your emotional intelligence is low?

Foreign (or even native) language skills and emotional intelligence have no correlation. Check your xenophobia.

Maybe the other mother is just a mother at the end of her tether. Who has struggled for so long to get her child the help they need and has watched her child self destruct in mainstream. She finally thinks she has got a solution but it's not and her child is still suffering because of the behaviour of others. It's not OK to blame the OP's boy as he cannot help it but people in despair do silly things, it doesn't make her terrible.

Op I am sorry this is happening to you and your son. I would speak to the school about all of these issues. The very fact that it is a bus for SEN children should mean more time is allowed for collection and drop offs. It can't be your son that is the only child that causes a delay. I work at a SEN school and witness delays daily, could be a medical reason, meltdown, anything but this is factored into the time the driver and PA are contracted for.

The other parent should not have messaged you directly. Please show the message to the school. The school also need to work with your son on getting him off the bus. I would arrange a meeting to discuss all of these issues. None of these are yours or your sons fault.

You need to speak to school so they can help with him getting off bus if needed.
I would complain to school in writing and loop them in about the rude parent

To what extent are the driver and assistant realistically expected to cajole a non responsive child from the bus. If the bus, or school for that matter, cater to other special needs children. At what point are their needs not being met, or their problems exacerbated by your childs behaviour.

I'd suggest a look at how to meet the needs of the many should be considered alongside the best way of dealing with your son and his issues. Perhaps travelling by bus or group teaching isn't suitable.

OP, you mentioned that "on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job." I am curious why you know this, given that your child can't have told you and you weren't on the bus?

This is really worth exploring.

Same here.

That doesn't mean he wants to spend his off the clock time dealing with a child that isn't his. Does he have to have the bus back at a certain time? I do have some sympathy for the bus driver but he still has to be respectful to your son and work with the school for a solution.

Definitely complain about the bus driver and assistant. If they don't want to deal with stimming and what sounds like mild non-compliance then they are clearly not suited to working with SEN.

The problem is that schools aren't a one sized fits all solution and autism is very varied. My autistic dd wouldn't be able to cope with your son's stimming noises nor noise in the classroom, she ended up being taught separately in what was basically a cupboard. She's very bright though, quite different challenges

They can stop that transport but they must supply another so pointless really .sorry you and your son having a hard time .as for parent tell her to get lost your son is entitled to be there just as much as hers .good luck .

Given a horn sounds to get off the bus at home, could it be the case that your son is waiting/hoping for similar at school?

Whilst the attitude sounds poor, not denying that, how long is it taking to get your son off the bus at home time?

That's not so bad but what are the flow on effects of that ten minutes? Is it the end of the driver's run or does he have another run to do, with other children arriving late at school because of it? In the end, one child causing significant issues for a larger group could make the difference.

Both ate completely out of line.

1. Bus driver - be clear that they are being inappropriate. Complain if necessary to council
2. Parent - block

I don't know legally, but I do think that they would be required to do all they could to meet your son's needs. I do also think they could refuse to take your son to school if they felt it was causing distress to your son, not meeting his needs or causing other significant issues.

How long does he refuse to get off the bus for? Five minutes? Sure, work with it. An hour? I wouldn't think that was acceptable and would put that under 'not working for him/distress'. I'm not a decision maker though and don't know the legalities.