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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really really pissed off with my Son's Bus drivers and the parent?

114 replies

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 22:54

Background- DS is 10 and is profoundly disabled- autistic with global developmental delay, never a word spoken, understanding of maybe an 18 -24 month old. Is violent towards himself but never others. Makes stimming 'Ahhhhhh' sounds which are yes very loud.

He has a new bus this year to get to school and the driver and the lady who helps have been really disrespectful. They constantly complain about his noises but honestly what do they expect with special needs kids? His special interest and the thing that calms his is being in a car/bus so the long bus ride is really enjoyable for him. He didn't want to get off one day and on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job. But again I believe this should be expected when taking a job which involves special needs? Also, when i collect him from the bus they always say 'hurry hurry hurry'- i come literally the second they honk the horn!

Separate issue- school is divided into different sections for kids who are high functioning/low functioning. DS has violent loud tantrum where he hits himself. A parent whos child is high functioning has messaged me on class dojo complaining that ' my son move to this school so that he could get away from the busyness and noises of mainstream but yours is ruining it for him' im really annoyed- i think she should have expected there would be kids with a higher need than her sons?

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:46

If my ds were to move to his own transportation, would i have to go with him?

OP posts:
mumtotwo11 · 28/09/2024 09:45

Hey

I wouldn't expect the escort and driver to be rude and make comments about your son -

Your son not wanting to get off the bus at school - definitely speak to school about this and see if there is anything they could do or suggest to help?

My dd gets transport and I know the driver has other pick ups/jobs after getting her to school so delays wouldn't be ideal.

Other than that, you could contact school transport at the council and tell them the situation and see if there are options they could suggest? They may move your son to his own transport or a different bus maybe?

The other parent is just rude, if they have an issue they should speak to school not be messaging you.

Samcro · 28/09/2024 09:42

please contact home school transport about the bus driver and escort. they are obviously not right for the job.
as for the other parent , block them and speak to the school.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 28/09/2024 09:42

Sorry you have had to deal with this OP. As if parenting isn’t enough of a shitshow for you.
Just ignore.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:41

Arthurnewyorkcity · 28/09/2024 09:35

Ah op this sucks. My sons bus driver has a son that also attends sen school and he's lovely. That being said the waiting for the horn id find incredibly rude. We wait up window as its usually within a 10 min time slot then as soon as it turns the corner to our street, we go out. They're also understandably not meant to touch the kids so if your DS is refusing to get off then it's more important you're ready to go on the bus and get him off.
The other parent, I understand her concerns but that's for her to discuss with the school and not your issue. Block and ignore

I have been told multiple times to wait for the horn. They dont like it if i come early as they cant prepare the other kids/ my son

OP posts:
Skibberblue · 28/09/2024 09:41

I just wanted to send my sympathy to you OP. You have a lot to deal with and people should be trying to help you not make life harder.

Regarding the bus, the staff should not be complaining about your son to you or to him. That's awful. Ultimately if its difficult for them to get away on time they should be discussing strategies with the school or should be getting paid for extra time. But that isn't your fault and it isn't your son's fault.

As for the other mother, block her and complain to the school.

BarbaraHoward · 28/09/2024 09:40

deltabluesandpinks · 28/09/2024 09:39

The OPs son isn't being difficult. It's part of his special needs, just as taking longer to get off due to physical disabilities would be.
Both of these need to be accounted for within the contracted time that they have.

Show quote history

Exactly. And that's nothing to do with OP, that's on the local authority (or whoever employs them).

deltabluesandpinks · 28/09/2024 09:39

neepsa · 28/09/2024 09:32

YANBU for the most part.

But suggesting that the bus drivers ABU for expecting to finish work on time, and should just ‘expect to be late for their own families/second jobs’ because your son is SEN is extremely unreasonable. They don’t owe you anything, they don’t work for free, and they aren’t a charity.

The OPs son isn't being difficult. It's part of his special needs, just as taking longer to get off due to physical disabilities would be.
Both of these need to be accounted for within the contracted time that they have.

Overthebow · 28/09/2024 09:35

The other mother was inappropriate messaging you about this. Your DS can’t help it and it is up to the school to manage. Completely different if he was hurting other children and/or staff and nothing was being done about it but it doesn’t sound like this is the case. The bus thing again should be up to the school, you aren’t there on drop off at school so the school need to sort it.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 28/09/2024 09:35

Ah op this sucks. My sons bus driver has a son that also attends sen school and he's lovely. That being said the waiting for the horn id find incredibly rude. We wait up window as its usually within a 10 min time slot then as soon as it turns the corner to our street, we go out. They're also understandably not meant to touch the kids so if your DS is refusing to get off then it's more important you're ready to go on the bus and get him off.
The other parent, I understand her concerns but that's for her to discuss with the school and not your issue. Block and ignore

PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:34

neepsa · 28/09/2024 09:32

YANBU for the most part.

But suggesting that the bus drivers ABU for expecting to finish work on time, and should just ‘expect to be late for their own families/second jobs’ because your son is SEN is extremely unreasonable. They don’t owe you anything, they don’t work for free, and they aren’t a charity.

I agree. The easy solution is to build the extra time into the driver's contract. Then delays aren't an issue and he's not expecting to be finishing at drop off time.

neepsa · 28/09/2024 09:32

YANBU for the most part.

But suggesting that the bus drivers ABU for expecting to finish work on time, and should just ‘expect to be late for their own families/second jobs’ because your son is SEN is extremely unreasonable. They don’t owe you anything, they don’t work for free, and they aren’t a charity.

geekone · 28/09/2024 09:30

PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:02

I agree that discussing this with the school is the way to go here. I'm sure arrangements can be made. Are his noises distracting to the driver? If so, maybe they can sit him nearer the back so it's not so loud for them?

I can understand them being frustrated about your son not getting off the bus making them late though. They have their own commitments outside work to get to and deal with. I wouldn't accept this if a regular thing if I drove the bus.

Nope I am sorry. I completely agree with the OP, this is their job, it can’t be treated the same way as other jobs there needs to be compassion and understanding and also expectation of some delays.
my dad does this job he drives the bus and has a person who does the more people side, though he often gets out and helps too. He would never complain about an additional needs kid or adult as he drives adults too in his second hour, it’s actually kind of disgusting to be honest.
OP complain, to the school and to the bus company. I hope it improves for you.

Happii · 28/09/2024 09:26

PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:25

This issue is really the school's to manage though. Don't take on more than is yours. Refer the other mother to the school and try to put it aside (not easy, I know). She wasn't realistic if she thought her son was going to have a quiet environment without other children making noise at times.

Show quote history

Agree with this, your DS isn't doing anything wrong and it's up to the school to manage, not you.

PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:25

PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:23

The child isnt on my sons bus , in fact i cant really see where the two would meet but im guessing because ds ( and the people in his class) is very loud they hear on the corridors or the sound travels

Show quote history

This issue is really the school's to manage though. Don't take on more than is yours. Refer the other mother to the school and try to put it aside (not easy, I know). She wasn't realistic if she thought her son was going to have a quiet environment without other children making noise at times.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:23

PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:19

It's going to be so difficult with children with such different needs but it's on the school to manage this. Either a separate bus for those who can't handle the stimming noises, definitely any extra time to get kids off the bus should be built into the contract of the driver. There are going to be kids having meltdowns so the school has to find a way to accommodate those who become stressed by it. Are they not doing this well? Is it a funding issue?

The child isnt on my sons bus , in fact i cant really see where the two would meet but im guessing because ds ( and the people in his class) is very loud they hear on the corridors or the sound travels

OP posts:
Happii · 28/09/2024 09:22

BarbaraHoward · 28/09/2024 08:58

So many posts along these lines on this thread that seem to come down to "OP, tell your son not to be autistic for ten minutes every day as he's inconveniencing the bus driver". 🙄

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It's whoever arranges the transport needs to pay them for a longer amount of time, if they're paid hourly and finish at x time I personally don't believe they should just be content to work for free because they know it happens with SEN children; of course similarly it does happen- the fault it with the provider who doesn't account for this.

PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:22

PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:18

The 10 minutes happens occasionally maybe once every two weeks if he's having a bad run or if hes had a long period off school. But sometimes he can go months without refusing to get off

Show quote history

This time needs to be built into the driver's contract so it's not a pressure for him to move on. If he's then grumpy about it he can be spoken to since it's time on the clock for him.

PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:19

It's going to be so difficult with children with such different needs but it's on the school to manage this. Either a separate bus for those who can't handle the stimming noises, definitely any extra time to get kids off the bus should be built into the contract of the driver. There are going to be kids having meltdowns so the school has to find a way to accommodate those who become stressed by it. Are they not doing this well? Is it a funding issue?

Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:18

deltabluesandpinks · 28/09/2024 09:15

Oh gosh, OP. This sounds really difficult and you've had some unsympathetic responses on here.

The other parent - block and report to the school. It probably did come from a place of frustration but they were completely inappropriate to message you directly. They need to speak to the school about their concerns that it doesn't meet his needs. Which is not the fault of your son.

The bus - has your son always taken a long time to get off? If so, and you've worked with the school to try and improve this but not been successful, then the drivers need to incorporate it into their route time. Just as they would if his physical needs meant he needed more time with getting on and off. If you haven't, however, then you do need to try and explore how this could be changed with the support of his school staff / the therapy team.
Regarding the noises, yes I would expect this in special needs transport. The driver needs to speak with the school or his manager about why it's a problem for him. Maybe it just isn't the right job for him.

Good luck!

The 10 minutes happens occasionally maybe once every two weeks if he's having a bad run or if hes had a long period off school. But sometimes he can go months without refusing to get off

OP posts:
deltabluesandpinks · 28/09/2024 09:15

Oh gosh, OP. This sounds really difficult and you've had some unsympathetic responses on here.

The other parent - block and report to the school. It probably did come from a place of frustration but they were completely inappropriate to message you directly. They need to speak to the school about their concerns that it doesn't meet his needs. Which is not the fault of your son.

The bus - has your son always taken a long time to get off? If so, and you've worked with the school to try and improve this but not been successful, then the drivers need to incorporate it into their route time. Just as they would if his physical needs meant he needed more time with getting on and off. If you haven't, however, then you do need to try and explore how this could be changed with the support of his school staff / the therapy team.
Regarding the noises, yes I would expect this in special needs transport. The driver needs to speak with the school or his manager about why it's a problem for him. Maybe it just isn't the right job for him.

Good luck!

Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:10

ATenShun · 28/09/2024 01:30

To what extent are the driver and assistant realistically expected to cajole a non responsive child from the bus. If the bus, or school for that matter, cater to other special needs children. At what point are their needs not being met, or their problems exacerbated by your childs behaviour.

I'd suggest a look at how to meet the needs of the many should be considered alongside the best way of dealing with your son and his issues. Perhaps travelling by bus or group teaching isn't suitable.

Edited

There has been no problems until now with bus travel, i know some of the other kids on the bus and they also sometimes may not get off the bus according to parents, they all have a similar need to DS. Also, its the teachers trying to get him down as they are the ones trained to deal with him but apparently driver and lady cannot go until all kids get off.

Ds is not taught with this child, child would be in a completely different section of school. But obviously he has his loud stimming noises and occasionally violent tantrums that im guessing the child may have heard/seem on the corridor.

OP posts:
PuppiesLove · 28/09/2024 09:04

BarbaraHoward · 28/09/2024 08:58

So many posts along these lines on this thread that seem to come down to "OP, tell your son not to be autistic for ten minutes every day as he's inconveniencing the bus driver". 🙄

Show quote history

No, but as the parent of autistic children, I know that sometimes arrangements need to be looked at so they work for everyone, with some give and take. I certainly don't expect anyone to work for free because of our needs, and never have. The bus driver has a life to consider too.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 09:00

LastTimeLosingIt · 28/09/2024 00:42

OP, you mentioned that "on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job." I am curious why you know this, given that your child can't have told you and you weren't on the bus?

Sorry i meant when he got home and they dropped him off to my house

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 28/09/2024 08:58

PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:47

That's not so bad but what are the flow on effects of that ten minutes? Is it the end of the driver's run or does he have another run to do, with other children arriving late at school because of it? In the end, one child causing significant issues for a larger group could make the difference.

Show quote history

So many posts along these lines on this thread that seem to come down to "OP, tell your son not to be autistic for ten minutes every day as he's inconveniencing the bus driver". 🙄