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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To offer this man no explanation

91 replies

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:42

Been messaging him since around August. Early August to be precise. No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work. So considering it’s been at least 6 weeks. I figured I wasn’t interested anymore and that I would just let it go. I stopped replying. Not a good move. I know. Maybe I need to be an adult. But we haven’t met up therefore I can’t understand why I would owe him anything.

Anyway, I find him a bit annoying. He kept hounding me for pictures after I went to a wedding. Then kept hounding and asked at least 4 times for pictures from my holiday, which is fine but he just wouldn’t give me a chance. Then he texted me voice notes at the beginning of the week. Which I decided that I couldn’t reply to because I just didn’t feel it going anywhere. He then texted me again later on in the week saying “hope your weeks been ok” I left that. Then today he said “we can speed up replies now too. Mine had been slow before as work was busy”

I just got annoyed. I felt like what he was saying was “your replies are slow. Hurry up”

Aibu? Like I’m just not into it. We never met up. No love lost?

OP posts:
loropianalover · 28/09/2024 00:07

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 23:44

He’s demanding though. I don’t like that.

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im still not understanding? Why are you here making a post about him?

You don’t like him, you’ve never met him? No offence but he’s not going to really care if you mute/block him. He will have plenty of other options.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 28/09/2024 00:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

@ReturntheSausages

that's about the level of someone who thinks ghosting is fine.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 28/09/2024 00:00

IntheVicinity · 27/09/2024 23:55

Why would you send photos to someone you’ve never met, and who appears to have only a passing interest in even pretending to intend to meet you?

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@IntheVicinity

maybe he wanted to see who he was chatting to etc what's the big deal?

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 27/09/2024 23:58

NewName24 · 27/09/2024 23:49

He’s demanding though. I don’t like that.

Er.... what's "demanding" about someone saying "don’t worry if you’re busy" ? Confused

But, if he has spoken to you in a way you have perceived as being rude, then just say "I don't think this is going anywhere" and let him know you aren't interested.

@NewName24

“we can speed up replies now too. Mine had been slow before as work was busy”

is what's rude, though I would have said 'obnoxious' Basically telling her to respond more quickly to his messages.

@ForOliveShaker

twat. He could GTF with that attitude.

After sitting on my hands for a good while, resisting the urge to tell him I don't take instructions & my life is busy, I'm not sitting around just waiting for your messages! I'd reply something like, it's been nice chatting, but I've moved on now, good luck going forward. Bye. Olive'

Nsky62 · 27/09/2024 23:58

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 23:44

He’s demanding though. I don’t like that.

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Ignore, he’s a nobody

ReturntheSausages · 27/09/2024 23:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

IntheVicinity · 27/09/2024 23:55

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 27/09/2024 23:50

@Notsuchafattynow

whats wrong with sending pictures?

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Why would you send photos to someone you’ve never met, and who appears to have only a passing interest in even pretending to intend to meet you?

Snowfalling · 27/09/2024 23:54

Maybe look at why your boundaries are so weak you felt you had to send him pictures when you didn't want to? what has this taught you about yourself?

And yes just block him. You owe him nothing.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 27/09/2024 23:52

Block him, you owe him shit all.

You may like to find and follow the burnt haystack dating method in Instagram and Facebook. Brilliant method of quickly sorting the wheat from the chaff.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 27/09/2024 23:50

Notsuchafattynow · 27/09/2024 22:49

You're sending pictures to a man you've never met?

@Notsuchafattynow

whats wrong with sending pictures?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/09/2024 23:50

I think I’d just block tbh

But if you’re feeling kind you can say “Sorry, this isn’t for me” first

NewName24 · 27/09/2024 23:49

He’s demanding though. I don’t like that.

Er.... what's "demanding" about someone saying "don’t worry if you’re busy" ? Confused

But, if he has spoken to you in a way you have perceived as being rude, then just say "I don't think this is going anywhere" and let him know you aren't interested.

ReturntheSausages · 27/09/2024 23:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

OlivePoetry · 27/09/2024 23:45

I'd probably just block him tbh. His silly message about quicker replies would have annoyed me.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 23:44

NewName24 · 27/09/2024 23:29

Of course YABU.

No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work.

It sounds like whatever he suggested, you cba to go. In which case, why pretend?
Obviously you don't have to meet up with anyone you don't want to, but until you meet someone I'm not sure how you would know if you might like them anyway. If you aren't prepared to meet someone, it seems you are wasting peoples time being on dating sites.
There's no reason - as so many others have said - you couldn't just message to say that it isn't working for you so don't want to take it any further and wish him well.

He’s demanding though. I don’t like that.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 27/09/2024 23:43

I don’t even understand your post.

You have a rude penpal?

I guarantee you he is messaging a plethora of other women just as much as you. He is probably glued to his phone with no intentions of ever meeting up with anyone.

Just stop replying. Mute the chat or block him. You don’t know this person, it’s really not a big deal.

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/09/2024 23:40

You don't want to be bothered by him messaging you so either you block him (bit rude and bad karma), ghost him (he still sends messages but maybe you stop reading them) or you let him know that you're no longer interested and then block. Third option still only takes seconds of your time and it's surely how you would like to be treated?

amoreoamicizia · 27/09/2024 23:29

I'm with you, OP. His attitude is a bit arrogant and demanding. He'd probably be even more so in a relationship (though you never know for sure with these app people).

I also don't see why she should tell him a white lie ("not ready for a relationship") to save his ego when he didn't do the same for her.

NewName24 · 27/09/2024 23:29

Of course YABU.

No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work.

It sounds like whatever he suggested, you cba to go. In which case, why pretend?
Obviously you don't have to meet up with anyone you don't want to, but until you meet someone I'm not sure how you would know if you might like them anyway. If you aren't prepared to meet someone, it seems you are wasting peoples time being on dating sites.
There's no reason - as so many others have said - you couldn't just message to say that it isn't working for you so don't want to take it any further and wish him well.

IntheVicinity · 27/09/2024 23:26

Honestly, I’d say ‘You’re boring me now. Bye.’

forgotmypassagain · 27/09/2024 23:22

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

How do I say that. I feel it makes something that’s not that “deep” (as the kids would say) somewhat “deep”

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Yikes

Maybe something along the lines of “hi, sorry not been in touch for a few days. I’ve given this much thought and I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t want to waste your time or string you along so thought best to be up front. Take care x”

BabyR · 27/09/2024 23:19

Have you suggested a reasonable meet up date/time?
If you’re not interested then tell him and then leave it at that. No need to be back and forth explaining too much.

DixonD · 27/09/2024 23:16

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

But he can send half arsed replies and that’s okay but I can’t.

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You’re not replying AT ALL.

DixonD · 27/09/2024 23:15

Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 22:46

In the time you written this long post you could have sent him a quick it's been nice chatting with you, etc, I wish you all the best, etc sort of message. It's closure for both him and yourself.

This - be a grown up and tell him.

Ghosting is cruel, even if you don’t give a shit about the other person.

glittercunt · 27/09/2024 23:10

I would say 'hey <insertnamehere>, look, I'm just not feeling it, good luck with the fishing'.

And leave it at that.