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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD she has to come to family day out regardless of how she feels?

363 replies

Dawevi · 27/09/2024 22:21

For years DD15 was massively into Harry Potter and was desperate to go to the HP experience. DS10 is quite a few years younger than her and is now into HP and they have played HP games together, DD has dressed DS up, read him the books, etc, and so we decided to book to go as a family. We gave them the tickets months ago as a surprise and DD seemed underwhelmed but wouldn't talk to us about it. She's autistic so we thought she might just be overwhelmed.

It's now in a few weeks and she told me tonight she doesn't want to go. She hasn't really said why and won't talk about it.

AIBU to have told her that we are going and that's it? It's expensive, I'm pretty sure she will enjoy it or at least bits of it once there, and sometimes we just have to do stuff we aren't so keen on, in my opinion. I personally have never read or watched any HP and nor has DH, but I imagine we will find things to enjoy.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Notadoormat4 · 27/09/2024 22:41

As you've said quite a few times, she's autistic and that has a lot to answer for.

One parent goes, with the son and a friend. The other stays at home. That's just what life can be like with an autistic child.

Thfrog · 27/09/2024 22:41

Write some of the suggestions on a peice of paper ask her to tick next to it if it's whats bugging her promise you won't get angry you just want to understand.

Then leave her with the paper.

Then don't get angry.

Sometimes if someone says the thing that is bugging you it's easier to say yes that's it.

NotTerfNorCis · 27/09/2024 22:40

Dawevi · 27/09/2024 22:35

We can't leave her at home alone. She is autistic, we don't have family nearby, she also has other conditions and needs care, we either all go or no one goes.

She won't talk to me about it and she usually talks to me about everything. I'm not concerned she will sulk on the day, she doesn't sulk and I'm certain she will enjoy it when we get there.

In that case, she must go.

minipie · 27/09/2024 22:38

She probably feels put out that you didn’t take her when she was desperate to go but now that her younger brother wants to go you have booked it.

This is a fair point

Pleatherandlace · 27/09/2024 22:36

I don’t really understand why you’re forcing this? Can’t she just stay home and you can offer the extra ticket to one of your younger child’s friends? I would have thought at 15 she’d be a bit too old for Harry Potter anyway.

Original poster
Dawevi · 27/09/2024 22:35

We can't leave her at home alone. She is autistic, we don't have family nearby, she also has other conditions and needs care, we either all go or no one goes.

She won't talk to me about it and she usually talks to me about everything. I'm not concerned she will sulk on the day, she doesn't sulk and I'm certain she will enjoy it when we get there.

OP posts:
Daisybuttercup12345 · 27/09/2024 22:35

Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:25

I would say she has to come but can sit in the car and read if she doesn't want to go in.

That's a good one lol.

DillDanding · 27/09/2024 22:28

Why don’t you give her place to one of your son’s friends? There’s no point in forcing her.

Perhaps at 15, she feels she’s too old for Harry Potter?

qualifiedazure · 27/09/2024 22:27

Leave her at home and let DS take a friend.

Can't think of anything worse than dragging a miserable teen round an (expensive) attraction.

Thfrog · 27/09/2024 22:25

Can you go without her?
Perhaps she is feeling odd about growing up and leaving her childhood behind her while her younger sibling still sees the magic?
Perhaps it's a JK Rowling thing?
Have a chat to her, find out what's going on.

Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:25

I would say she has to come but can sit in the car and read if she doesn't want to go in.

Djmaggie · 27/09/2024 22:24

She probably feels put out that you didn’t take her when she was desperate to go but now that her younger brother wants to go you have booked it. I’ve been as an adult with my 8 year old DS who really wanted to go and it was good but I didn’t enjoy it in the same way he did.

DoreenonTill8 · 27/09/2024 22:24

Does her not going mean noone can?
I'd just say, ok, that's a shame,.thought you'd enjoy it, we'll show you the photos when we get back. Don't give it attention or make it the big thing.