To have told DD she has to come to family day out regardless of how she feels?

Maybe say her enthusiasm hp and dress up etc bro made you n da REALISE what you was missing? Rather than..aye you do like it ,you going...try....
Kinda "need" you there cos we no idea what's going on? Which book? Who?
Give HER a lead role?
NONE of restchu know as much/anything. She doesn't needy wanty go BUT her knowledge is valued??
My ds2 ASD.mr digheelsin..IF market as he in charge etc ...it's workable (sometimes)

I think that’s worse then. You constantly said no when it was something she wanted to do, now it’s her brother asking you suddenly are ok about going

I can see why she may take this as a slight against her

Are there other examples where her brother’s likes are prioritised? That may explain this reaction

I think the op said there are 2 parents?

My teen is currently playing Harry Potter TP at uni with his flat mates.

none of mine are particularly ‘cool’ though.

take her and if she doesn’t enjoy it, there’s a cafe half way round she can sit in.

@RockyRogue1001

Oh, absolutely. But you don't know what you don't know, right?

I saw that before I made my (overly long 😳) post.

Genuinely not trying to be a cunt here, but we all have limitations
(Characteristics or hurts or things in our pasts or barriers). We ALL have them in varying degrees. Some more severe than others.
Trivial example... I HATE baked beans. Make me heave. I hate being in the same room. DD liked them. I sucked it up (sometimes)
And retched in the kitchen sink.

Our limitations shouldn't stop us trying to be a good parent to our children, should it? Sure, they limit us sometimes, and we should all forgive ourselves for that.
"Good enough" is definitely good enough.
No one is 11 out of 10 all day every day
And no parent should beat themselves up for nor being perfect (like I said, I was crap!)
But if we choose to have a child- and especially if we choose to have more than one - don't we owe it to them to try and be the best we can be?

Does she think her friends will laugh at her if she goes? Some think it's for kids. I'm not a Harry Potter fan i haven't read the books or watched any all the way through. But even I would go if someone gave me tickets.

This!

A lot of young teens have been steered towards hating JK Rowling because of her opinions on women's rights and spaces by people who are advocating for transgender rights. Autistic people are statistically more likely to be drawn towards transgenderism. It may be related to that, if she spends a lot of time online or with LGBTQ classmates or is LGBTQ.

I often found, especially in my teens, that if one of my special interests faded or moved on to something new, for some reason I found that former interest absolutely excruciating to think about. I don't know if it's because I was embarrassed about how obsessed I had over something I had outgrown, I don't know if it's because it felt guilty for abandoning something I used to love, or some other explanation altogether. All I know is that sometimes, I simply couldn't think about that interest anymore.

(I also have an element of demand avoidance. If I want to do something, and it's my suggestion, that's great! But if it was turned down when I asked, and then later offered, I'd hate it. I'd still do it, because I'm an adult and I've learnt better coping skills, but I'd hate it. It's like if someone tells me they're really pleased in something I'm doing, I feel the overwhelming urge to stop even if I know I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face. Something about expectations and the mortifying ordeal of being known, I guess.)

None of this is to say that she shouldn't go, or that you should cancel the trip because of her feelings. Just, maybe that might be an element of what she's feeling, unable to articulate, and probably feels bad about because she knows it'll impact everyone. I don't know if there's a way to fix any of those feelings, but honestly it always made me feel a bit better when my parents reminded me it was okay to feel bad without trying to fix it. I hope you all get to enjoy the trip in the end!

All these people saying that maybe she feels tomold for harry potter....jave you been to the studios? It's jam packed with adults without kids ....and always fully booked!
This girl would like it if she ws 15 or 55. It's a brilliant place and she will love it once she gets in.
I do agree tho that it's pretty crap you didn't take her when she was younger and jave decided only.now that your other kid is into it.
Also at 15....she wouldn't get a say if she was living in my house.

I think it’s worth saying to her something along the lines of “if you tell me the reason you don’t want to go, I might be able to understand your point of view and try to see things the way you are seeing them, but if you won’t talk to me about why then I can’t understand and I will have to assume there is no good reason for you not to go”. Then obviously genuinely try to understand where she’s coming from if she does finally explain.

@RockyRogue1001

The OP says she's also autistic. I understand it will be much harder for an autistic parent to show an interest in something for their child's sake than for an NT parent. Not saying they shouldn't try, but it may just not have occurred to her to do this before, because she's autistic.

Does she have demand avoidance, where she gets anxious at being made to do something, so tries to avoid it at all costs? My younger daughter is like this. She just can't cope with demands. I can't surprise her with treats. Everything has to be on her terms. I booked tickets for us to go to a show once without discussing it with her first - long story but I ended up taking her sister instead. Now I give her options and let her choose.

We took our kids to HP Experience when they were 13 & 11. They loved it and so did we.

I’m pretty relaxed about whether our kids attend activities but sometimes they just need to come and that’s it. When we travel with our kids who are now 18 & 16 the deal is everyone gets to choose an activity, the whole family attends and nobody whinges! We’ve had so many times when one of them has said I thought that would be boring but it was really good. And sometimes they don’t enjoy it but they suck it up. Which is good training for life IMO. Sometimes you do things to make other people happy. It’s kind.

Ok, just me, then.

All I could think about from the op was this
For years DD15 was massively into Harry Potter and was desperate to go to the HP experience. DS10 is quite a few years younger than her and is now into HP and they have played HP games together

Followed by this
I personally have never read or watched any HP and nor has DH.

Wtf?
I feel like the emperor's new clothes. Seriously, is no-one else seeing this?
I'm not being judgy or nasty (honestly). I'm just gobsmacked

OP has 2 children massively into something.
Neither parent has read them the books, watched the films with them or played the games with them.
Isn't that what parenting is?
Now the older child doesn't want to do the "big thing" and the parent is upset
But parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
Parenting is not the one grand guesture/day out.
We read DD the books.
And watched the films
And listened to the audio books
And helped her with costumes for world book day and themed parties
And played games both board and virtual
And did quizzes
And had endless (fucking ENDLESS) conversations

because that's what being a parent is.

Now, I actually like HP (and love JKR)

But I've done similar with things I loathe

And this post makes it sound like i think I'm some smug bastard amazing parent, and I'm absolutely not. Most of the time I was crap (my DD is adult now, so parenting in this way has passed).

But apparently only I can read this thread and think that having shown NO involvement over YEARS it's wrong of your child to not give a reaction you're hoping for from a grand guesture

You’ve said your self that in the past you haven’t wanted to go. So why not organise something else for you and tor daughter to do and your husband and son and one of his friends go? Putting this kindly OP she s 15 probably not into HP anymore or prob just doesn’t want to go to the attraction. A 10 and 15 year old is a large gap. I have a 13 and 15 year old and the eldest doesn’t always come with us and there’s only 2 years age diff.

Absolutely valid point and well worth considering. 👏

@Runnerinthenight “Fortunately” I do have plenty of experience in autism.
Us autists are many and varied and don't always understand each other. Hence the OP asking for opinions.
I have to wonder why you are posting yours when you have no experience of autism 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you think she’ll enjoy it when she’s there then ignore the sulk and don’t make a big deal out of it.

I can’t even understand why people pander to this. 15 year olds are moody and mysterious! They’re also children and you’re the parent. As long as having a lovely day out doing something fun won’t really traumatise her, just go ahead with the plans and she’ll have to lump it. (Especially if it’s over TERF nonsense).

@LBFseBrom have you been to the studio tour ? IME it’s for all ages and frankly more interesting for adults / teens .

@Dawevi thanks for the reply. Until you get the information from her about why she doesn't want to go no-one can advise. She's more likely to tell you if you're genuinely curious and open to some sort of compromise.

Bear in mind her ASD may have been impacting her more recently because of all the changes that come with the teenage years, and she's navigating the growing complexity and demands of social relationships. School works ramps up at this age as does the pressure from school to perform and succeed. She's also dealing with female bodily changes and hormones. There's a lot going on and there may be other things she's taking into account too.

She’s probably just a bit put out that you didn’t go when she was younger and really into it but now your son is keen you bother . We have a 6.5 yr age gap ( now adult) and we never made the older one wait for the younger one to be ‘old enough’ . They both went to age appropriate things / places they were interested in and the other one got dragged along unless they could be left with someone / stay home alone .

The characters age past 15. The series gets pretty dark. 15 isn't 'too old'. 🙄

I find it mean that she was desperate to go and “you didn’t want to” so you didn’t go. Now her brother is in to it, you’re suddenly fine to go.