To have told DD she has to come to family day out regardless of how she feels?

No but at 15 my kids did as they were asked .

She may not be talking to you because she knows you know absolutely nothing about HP so her reasons would be hard to explain to you?

Take her. Get the headphone talking guide, tell them you have all have autism ( guide on tour looked out for us) and as you go into each room/section let her go sit in corner and listen to guide then look at what she wants while you stay with ds. Then leave each section together and move to next.
For what it’s worth my adhd/asd ds loved it and my dd has gone back three times now.
Don’t waste money on butter beer- it’s rank!

I was brought up to understand that taking part in family life meant you didn’t always get your own way or go to everything that fitted in with your exact interests. Obviously we did stuff that I loved too at times. Very glad about this approach and am pretty sure it’s why I don’t go NC every time something doesn’t centre around me as an adult. If she can’t be left I’d bring her and offer to do something she wants to do next time (and stick to it). I’d also be checking what her concerns are, these places can be pretty hectic and maybe it’s that. Or maybe as others have suggested she is overwhelmed by it all and it’s coming out this way. In which case assumedly you have some strategies to support this?

Ah I hope you can figure out what the issue is, I'm sure the understanding would help her feel like she can go.

This is a long shot, but is it possible that the date you have booked falls into a themed experience she is not as keen on? At HP Studios, there is usually a theme going on, especially in the autumn, for example right now is the Dark Arts event and it says this on the website:

"Please note during our Dark Arts feature running until 10th November, there will be two processions of Death Eaters throughout the Studio Tour. The processions will use lighting and sound effects at the Leaky Cauldron, Dumbledore’s office, the Potion’s classroom, Hagrid’s hut and bike as well as the Hogwarts Express train and train tracks."

Is it possible that now the reality of being able to go is setting in, she is concerned or disappointed about some of the activities not being wheelchair accessible?

Does she access online communities or have online friends? Is it possible that while she wasn't bothered herself, someone has given her a hard time about going to HP Studios because of the JKR controversy and now she's upset and conflicted?

I do get what a conundrum it is; you want to figure it out so you can offer reassurance, but maybe listing out every possible reason for her not wanting to go, might just make her worried about things she wasn't even thinking about in the first place!

Do tell her, and if she is big into HP she may already be aware, that a huuuge proportion of the fandom are adults. I went when I was 21 and adored it, I'm 30 now and planning a repeat trip.

I guess if she needs care, the contingency will have to be that you all travel down, and if DD still really doesn't want to go, one of you sits with her and does something else while one of you and DS goes in.

Best of luck, hope it all works out

So in other words, stomp on this teen’s morals, because they don’t align with yours?

If that was true, wouldn’t the HP gaming sales have been affected? IIRC there was a LOT of online ranting about how no one would buy the games because JKR was toxic - then sales went through the roof.

She sounds scared. Maybe now the thing she has wanted her entire life is happening, she feels overwhelmed ? Sometimes people want to stay in the wanting. It can be less enticing when you have it.

I'm undiagnosed autistic and one of my special interests when younger was the x files. I was obsessed for many years. When given a box set for Christmas, I blushed red and could barely contain my emotions as they were overwhelming. I wonder if dd feels frightened thst something she has loved forever is now in her grasp and she's pushing it away as it feels too much?

That's not to say don't take her. But maybe get try to get underneath what's worrying her

You are being unreasonable. In this situation, you being autistic doesn't come into it. Your daughter is showing you something is making her feel uncomfortable and unhappy, she won't talk about it and that says a lot when she usually does. It's not ruining a day out, it's meeting your autistic daughter's needs and listening to her.

I'm autistic too, as is one of my children. Their needs come before my wants.

I mean honestly this is the view 99% of people I know have, and they aren't even teenagers. It's the predominant view, even shared by Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson etc.

I don't think it's the predominant view at all. Most teens I know are GC but scared to say their views as the brainwashed shout transphobic. Most adults I know are GC and fully support JK Rowling. She hasn't said anything transphobic, standing up for women's rights isn't transphobic.

I've said it twice. I'm also autistic as is DS. And without a good reason I'm not ruining our family day out by two of us not going. You think I'm unreasonable, but I'm not convinced that I am.

I'm not sure why you've bothered asking if you're not open to being told you're being unreasonable.

You didn't go because you didn't want to. Now your daughter doesn't want to go, you're going to make her. You know she gets overwhelmed so I think YABU.

🤣 This made me chuckle so much I woke the dog up 3:13 am

I do think you're missing the hypocrisy in what you are saying. You didn't do Harry Potter when your daughter was younger because you didn't want to do it. Now, your daughter doesn't want to do it, but you are going to force her to do it. You are lucky that you had the privilege to wait until you were ready to go, so you should really try to empathise with your daughter not being given that same privilige.

Someone else mentioned similar to this - I am also autistic and when I get obsessed and focused on something it is often powerful enough to override a lot of my usual fears about situations. If that interest wanes or disappears, the anxieties become more powerful and I cannot face that activity because of everything else surrounding it. If your daughter is no longer obsessed with Harry Potter, this experience might seem too stressful for her now. You're right that she probably will enjoy it when she is there. But forcing her to go instead of convincing her will cause a lot of anxiety.

Good for them! More morals than the majority of people on here.

@Dawevi

just carry on with your plans, I bet she'll have a brilliant time once you're there'

Went with my 15 yo and her friend a few years back and they both loved it - I was surprised how much! They still talk about it now 5 years on!

I mean honestly this is the view 99% of people I know have, and they aren't even teenagers. It's the predominant view, even shared by Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson etc.

sorry wrong thread

Olive Brown is a lovely name

No, not just you. I hope OP reads your post and takes in what you've said. OP is beyond unreasonable here.

I'm astonished that the majority is for not being unreasonable.

I have autistic DC too. And we were at the HP studios in July this year. Luckily, the 2 i took (DS25 and DD16) were both in good moods that day and loved it!

If your DD is cognitively able, take her and let her sit in the cafe and faff about on her phone. There's a cafe ground floor straight ahead that has some quiet corners. That one did not get too busy when we were there and we went school hols.

If she needs constant supervision, you are going to need to plant some seeds! Confrontation and forcing does not work with autism.

I think you'll need to just drop in casually some good things, drip, drip , drip each day now.

For eg - "i heard they do butter beer ice cream and some great cakes in HP. I'm definitely going for that!" (Do not ask her if she wants any - make it a throw away comment, but check she has no ear buds in when you make it!)

• "i don't think we'll do that photo thing on the train - i heard you can sit in the carriage and pose for pics - don't fancy that"

"Oh, i didn't realise you can go right inside Dudley's house!"

"I hope it won't be full of little kids and screaming babies!"

Try to find out about it - the things you guess she won't like (posing for pics, maybe some of the push button animatronic things - try to drop in that YOU don't like the sound of it.

Things you think she might like - get them in. Just a comment or two each day now.

This sort of technique works with mine. Even if it only leads to " well, i will hate it but you're gonna make me come anyway so i will"

That isn't rude - that is coz they have changed their mind, quite fancy it but don't find backing down easy!

You can also try something like "There looks to be loads to do at HP. I think we might just eat out at Pizza Hut (pick her fave!) after.

Again, just as a throw away.

Good luck!

There is LOTS to see and it really is for all ages.

Surely there's an equal danger that dragging your very unwilling daughter along will ruin your family day out? It's not going to be particularly fair on your son, is it?

Isn't the fact that your daughter doesn't want to go, and you and your DH don't massively want to go either, a good enough reason to reconsider your plans? Have a family day out another day, and let your DS go with one parent and a couple of friends, or one friend plus friend's parent.

Because OP wants a "family day out"

OP couldn't be bothered taking her daughter to HP when daughter was younger and enjoyed it but now OP wants a happy family day out and seems incapable of even understanding that her daughter has outgrown HP.

If your DS couldn’t go without DD I’d think you have a point. But it sounds like you don’t expect to enjoy the trip either and could stay home with dd (or do something else you’d both like) while DH takes DS but just don’t want to because you bought the tickets already. And I think that’s a pretty joyless way to approach things. You do just have to just suck things up sometimes, but if there’s a way around that - why not take it?

I also find the messages to your dd of - You really wanted to go when you were younger but I didn’t so we didn’t go, and now your brother really wants to go so I’ve booked tickets without discussing it and will suck it up for him and you have to too - to be pretty harsh, though appreciate with kids with disabilities there may have been a lot of sucking things up by everyone to try and balance needs.

I feel like you need to have a couple of weeks beforehand where you binge the films as preparation. Just put them on and sit down to watch and see if she comes and sits with you. Feign interest and excitement if you have to - they're not the best films and books ever made no, but for your kids you just have to suck these things up. (I have watched way more football than I ever wanted to and know far more about Pokemon than anyone needs to.)
I think it'll be good for you to see them before you go and then you actually have some clue what's going on, what you can see and point out for when you're there.