I don’t want to give DD (17) gift cards for Christmas

The only reason I wouldn’t give vouchers is because actual cash is safer in terms of the company not going bust. I mean, it’s unlikely to happen with Amazon but you never know!

Otherwise I’d give her what she really wants. Surely that’s the better option. You could always get some of the essentials you normally get to wrap up..for example we always get the kids some new pjs but we take that out of our normal clothing budget instead of what we spend on Christmas. And then there’s always sweets that you could get to wrap as well.

I e always tried to find small but thoughtful gifts for my grandchildren, but I don’t think I’ve been very successful and they always say they want money, so that’s what they get.

Of course, when they were small, it was different and there were toys they wanted. I’ve trawled websites and spent ages looking for things, but money to choose what they want at least gets used.

The gift is for the benefit of the recipient. Give her the money!

For your own benefit, you could also put a stocking together for her. Lip balm, face mask, sweets/snacks, socks etc. plenty of nice ideas on the Christmas threads.

You keep talking about you, what you want, what you think.

It's not about you, it's about her.

She has told you what she wants. I don't think your wants are more important than hers in a gift scenario.

I remember being rather sad when my DM started giving me money rather than presents as an adult. The reason was different, she was no longer well enough to go out shopping. However, I thoroughly enjoyed spending the money and showing my Mum what I had bought. Usually clothes which I tried on for her to see. If your DD plans a clothes buying splurge maybe encourage the same type of ‘fashion show’. You could still do her a stocking of fripperies as well.

I would go for the middle ground, give her the voucher she wants plus a couple of small surprise gifts for her to open.

I’d think this too- the full amount but if you can get together enough for some bits you know she’d love/ and or make some stuff (homemade fudge/ as people said a collage etc) I think it’ll make it for both of you

If your reasoning is that you feel gift cards are impersonal -as in you didn't choose a gift, why did you ask her what she wanted. That is also not choosing a gift yourself. I see your point but also see hers. It's a nice idea really, she may spread out the voucher over 6 months with lots of little things that are essentially gifts from you all year round

Similar here - although no dogs!

OP, give her money and wrap 2 or 3 little things up or do a treat together.

I know what you mean about choosing something thoughtful but if she’d prefer money then I’d go with that. I’d pop a few small things to open with it too.

For what it’s worth, when she’s older she may go back to preferring some nice thoughtful gifts again.

I think at her age it’s nice to have extra money and be able to choose exactly what you want.

I think it’s reasonable to clean for pocket money. Although £50 might be a bit tight depending what else you pay for. Phone, travel card and lunches would easily mean there was nothing left.

Give her the voucher for Christmas and a token sentimental gift.

My MIL loves to give gifts and refuses to give cash or vouchers. The amount of unwanted gifts and therefore wasted money this has resulted in over the years is ridiculous.

I would go for the middle ground, give her the voucher she wants plus a couple of small surprise gifts for her to open.

So who is supposed to do it? The housework fairy?

YANBU about the gift. Christmas is a time to open surprises - it’s not a cold hard business transaction.

YABU to make your dd scrub floors and clean toilets.

The point of a gift is to give the recipient pleasure. Half a hundredweight of gift-wrapped tat will please a four year old, but a near-adult wants money because what she wants is what it represents: independence.

I refuse to take part in the annual Amazon gift card exchange that seems to take place in my family.

I earn more than both of my parents and brother and would buy myself anything I wanted. Transactionally exchanging £50 gift cards is just soulless. I would much prefer a fraction of the cost spent on a book I was waiting for (happy to give a list of five to chose from so it's still a suprise), a bar of Lindt and a small bottle of wine as a gift set.

I think gifts are about thinking about the recipient and buying something they'll love and enjoy.

If she is impulsive and the money could be wasted on rubbish then don’t give her a voucher. If she is more sensible you should

I agree don't give her vouchers. Token stocking gifts and hard cash is much better.

There is no point buying her things she doesn't want, or encouraging buying stuff she doesn't need.

Between close adults I think of presents as ritual acts of care through thoughtfulness

Surely the thoughtful thing to do would be to get her what she wants?

Honestly the amount of women that seem to place soo much emphasis on buying presents (and their own romanticised view of what a gift means) is bonkers.

This year for my teenage daughter’s birthday I got a few not expensive things from her amazon wish list and transferred the rest of what I would have spent to her bank account so she could go shopping herself, as that’s what she wanted. Would a compromise like that work?

Your daughter sounds great, not entitled at all.

There is a middle ground.
A couple of presents to open (maybe even stuff that you would normally put in her stocking) and then the Amazon vouchers or a certificate in a pretty box to open too. She gets what she wants and you get to see her open presents.

Just give her money. And stop making her scrub the toilets.

Get her the vouchers and find something lovely, thoughtful and not expensive to go with it.

I love vouchers - the gift of shopping! You get to enjoy the gift twice. It think of it a bit like receiving theatre tickets or a magazine subscription.

I get what you mean about the expectation of receiving the budget, but I also hate having of think things that I might want for a gift when people ask, or worst still someone wasting money on a rogue spontaneous gift.

Obviously it depends on what you can afford and what you pay for, but £50 a month won’t go far for a 17 year old. (Or for anyone these days.) You could use most of your Christmas budget to increase her pocket money and then do something cheap and loving and thoughtful for her unwrap - like the photo collage suggested above or her favourite chocs or something linked to a childhood memory. Ultimately the giving is about what she wants and she entitled to want money. If you and your DH share finances then him giving your money is pointless; and even if you don’t, it’s not what you want so it’s not what you get given. Why do you get to receive what you want but your DD doesn’t?

Find a compromise, some of it as a voucher but she has to come up with a few suggestions of small gifts that you could choose to give her.
My 14 year old has sort of tried to ask for vouchers or money for Xmas and I’ve sort of said no. She will get some vouchers from some family I think but I know she’d actually be really distressed if she woke up Xmas motto nothing to open.
A few gifts and some money is fair enough.