I don’t want to give DD (17) gift cards for Christmas

All I want to know is how the hell did you get your daughter to clean the toilet?
If I asked my 16 year old daughter to do that she would make a puke face and tell me in no uncertain terms ‘NO’

Give a voucher but keep £20 or so back to buy stocking fillers to wrap.

I would be sad too as I enjoy the present opening round the tree. Passing out little envelopes or just saying check your email for your voucher is a bit grim. But it is what she wants. I would still get a couple of little gifts to open.

I think your daughter is being very thoughtful in not asking for ridiculously overpriced tech/ cosmetics/ clothes like most other 17 yr olds would and saving you from stressing about what to buy. There’s definitely a middle ground here. But some nice stocking gifts, a book, some pjs or a nice jumper and give her the gift card or cash. She sounds like an awesome kid.

But my godchildren don't really give me many clues but do like Amazon so the £25 voucher is de rigeur

Just get her vouchers.

If you really want to give her something tangible, then maybe do her a hamper of stuff she likes. Start now with a nice basket and just add to it until Christmas. Bit of clear wrap, ribbon and you're sorted.

Same. The only person I buy gifts for and receive gifts from is my partner and I give him a very specific list of stuff I want. I ask for him to give me a list too. I only want stuff that I actually want or would buy myself, not someone else’s idea of a “nice thoughtful gift”. I’d rather have cash or nothing. But then I don’t go for silly pointless rituals in general.

I do understand what you mean. With gift vouchers they know exactly how much you've spent and they expect that much.

I would compromise and do a gift voucher AND a surprise item

Between close adults I think of presents as ritual acts of care through thoughtfulness.

But the gifts she wants are vouchers, so what’s the issue? Surely she’ll be happier Xmas morning to see some vouchers in her stocking rather than random stuff she didn’t want/ask for?

At 17 you just want a bit of extra cash. You want to be able to browse on ASOS or buy a new skincare trend or get a coffee. Maybe she wants to redecorate her room a little bit or get some new clothes for uni/college.

Give the main gift value as a voucher and get her a small stocking of other useful and consumable things.

I completely understand and agree with you. Your daughter is turning this into a commercial transaction, isn’t she? That’s why people have limits on what’s spent on presents, so that the focus is on choosing something special. Unfortunately, I can’t think of a way to turn this around.

I think your DD is young enough to warrant gift vouchers or indeed cash. I'd be sad to be giving money to a 30 year old, but teenagers love having their own style and choosing things and don't usually have a good source of income apart from gifts. DD must know that you have a budget for her present and perhaps it sounds cynical to mention it, but there we are!

Look at what you just posted here

I find vouchers souless
I feel like gift giving should involve thought
I don't want to nurture an idea that it's expected, transactional or meaningless

Your daughter finds vouchers give her freedom
Your daughter feel that she wants you to give her what she's asked for, not what you think she should have
Your daughter does expect that you are giving her a Christmas present of x value because she is 17 and you've previously done this.
Your daughter does not see a gift card as transactional or meaningless.

Buy her what she wants. Respect her views. But make it clear what you expect her to buy you. If she buys you a John Lewis voucher, feel free to be upset because she has not respected your views about gift giving.

Gift cards/ money have their place. For weddings, they're often more appreciated than lots of individual gifts (from people often guessing your needs and tastes).
For people who don't have much money they can give bit more freedom of choice.
For older kids who don't make a lot of money of their own and have very specific tastes it also just makes sense to give them what they'll appreciate the most.

My DC are adults so get £100-150 depending on whether Xmas or birthday then I will spend up to £50 on a few other things - ideas are always appreciated though

but she probably doesn't want the earrings either and won't think they are 'really lovely!' Because, understandably, few 17 year olds have the same taste as their mothers. She'll think 'If you were going to spend an extra £50 on me why didn't you add it to my vouchers rather than getting another random present I'm never going to use after I specifically told you not to.'

Personally I would honestly prefer to get nothing than get a present I don't want, because the waste of money annoys me!

I would do what she says and either buy her a few things to open that don’t cost much or you would buy anyway eg socks of her favourite toiletries
Or I would ask her for an Amazon gift list if ideas eg if your budget was £125 total - give her voucher for £100 and buy £25 of stuff off her Amazon wish list

The whole interaction now between the two of you about "the present" has become a chore and joyless.

It's better to respect her wishes..only you told her the budget, remember. Give voucher or cash and a token present you prefer. It's not worth the hassle and enjoy a good relationship with her.

Gift vouchers are soulless but it’s what she wants. I would give her the voucher then spend another £50 if you have it on thoughtful presents or something lovely like earrings.
she probably really doesn’t want all the presents YOU would choose

To me it sounds like you want to give her what you would like to get, not what she would like to get. Vouchers are great for teens. It gives them power of choice.

Again, you are making this about you. YOU find it soulless. For her it's probably some freedom, the joy of browsing/windowshopping, being able to add that "thing" to cart without having to be 100% sensible, socialising if she goes out shopping with friends and so on.

Or, because she's a sensible, reasonable kid as you say she has a specific goal in mind that she knows it's too expensive to ask for.

I'm on the other side of this. Amazon vouchers give me joy as that means I can buy loads of books without having to be an adult and worry it's wasteful (I read too fast). OH always gets me one for bdays and Christmas.

Did you ask what she wanted, and she replied Amazon vouchers please.”

Or did she rock up and say “hey mum. I’ve been thinking about what I want for Christmas. I figured out you spend about £X on me last year and it was all tat. I can do better, so save yourself the effort and give me a voucher this year.”

It makes a difference 😁

okay now I've extracted my eyeballs from the back of my head after rolling them too hard at the ridiculously twee penguin comment....

I find the hypocrisy of 'presents are my love language' people like you so bizarre. They're so convinced of their moral superiority because they spend time and effort thoughtfully picking out absolutely perfect gifts that show how much they know and love the recipient rather than those superficial, avaricious and/or lazy/and or tight people who either just want money and vouchers/buy the standard chocs and wine/don't bother with presents at all....yet at the same time you are the ones actively prioritising your own wants and preferences over someone else's. Also, I'm going to say it, 99% of people who think they are such good gift givers really, really aren't. Your recipients are just being polite.

Your daughter does not want your presents. She wants independence. Which is perfectly normal for a 17 y/o. She's not a 'close adult' or a penguin. She's a teenager and your daughter. Honestly there have probably been a fair few of your presents over recent years that really were not what she wanted and because she's so lovely she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so is hoping that by asking for vouchers you'll get the hint.

By buying her presents she DOESN'T WANT you're a) overriding her wishes and suggesting your way is right and hers is wrong, and b) throwing your money down the toilet

But it's not about you is it?