I don’t want to give DD (17) gift cards for Christmas

Vouchers aren’t soulless. You sound out of touch with young people. At 17, she’s broke and likely has a long list of things she’s interested in. Some might be from lesser known companies that you haven’t heard of so it’s easier for her to order something herself.

I’m in my 20s and vouchers have been a normal gift throughout my life. I’d much prefer vouchers than the random things my mum gets me that have never been used over the years that she assumes I like.

If you insist on a gift they maybe ask for her Amazon wishlist?

I wouldn’t have said no to my mum ‘in my teens’ either but then again she never asked me to clean toilets

YABU.

You say yourself she's broke. She's expressed that she wants vouchers because it will presumably give her some control to buy things she wants/needs as and when she wants/needs them to supplement her income.

FWIW I also think £50/month is quite a demeaning allowance for a 17yo. Maybe you should consider honouring her request and buying her a few gifts, if it makes you happy to do so.

When I was 17, I asked my mum for cash because I wanted to buy things as and when I wanted. As a result, those items were special to me as they had significance to me.

Fyi - I got a pair of Levi 501 jeans and the George Michael autobiography!

YANBU. Where its stuff for stuffs sake it takes any point out of gift giving. She's 18 in Feb, of course you want to get something meaningful!
Perhaps it's time to change the focus of Christmas and set everyone a small budget/ getting second hand or handmade.

Also, some gentle encouragement to get a part time job?

There’s nothing worse than being bought something when you’ve specifically said you don’t want it, or you’ve said what you do want.

At that age they like to choose their own stuff. You will "get it completely wrong". Just go with it mum.

It's evolved from my 90s youth. There were lots more relatively modest things like CDs that you could ask for tbat have now been lost to streaming. Everything you could have wanted could be bought on the High Street.

There's no point wasting money and the Earth's resources buying stuff that wasn't asked for, and often what people really want is quite specific now so asking can be quite "transactional". Especially for a young person, money or a targeted voucher is the best way to help a loved one get most pleasure from your gift.

She is basically saying to you that she hasn’t got enough pocket money for buying herself what she wants when she wants. She is very sensible person who is careful with money and doesn’t have enough of them. She is also mindful of your financial limits. It’s how it looks for me. I would give her vouchers. Pack them thoughtful and get her sone little things for her stocking.

Its the difference with adult children - you are not in control any more and their wants are different from your likes because they are different people. It’s a great skill to recognise this before resentment builds up.

I would actually refuse to give Amazon vouchers on ethical grounds as I detest this firm and only use it if there is basically no alternative. I would be happy to let her suggest any alternative type of gift card. What about a city center gift card, if she says she is happy with the idea? https://townandcitygiftcards.com

I'd just give her the voucher and then one or two inexpensive gifts chosen with thought, like books.

I do agree with you though, I hate voucher exchange culture at Christmas. It is soulless. But then I also hate needless gifts. I'm trying to make it more about books in my family, everyone text a little list of books they'd like for ideas.

Last year my DM got me the book I wanted but had put an amazon voucher inside it 😆

Which is why so much stuff ends up in charity shops or regifted after Christmas.

There is no purpose in buying unwanted ‘stuff’ just to make the gift giver feel good and the receiver disappointed.

And surely most people say ‘what would you like for Christmas, or birthday? It’s far harder buying a present when you haven’t a clue what that person would like.

I find it makes for a more enjoyable Christmas morning to wrap the gift voucher in an absolutely massive box. Can you still do her a stocking alongside the voucher?

Bloody Hell! either of my DC cleaned the floors I would be well chuffed! I think YABU /I usually get slippers /some chocs or smellies/a few little things and the rest is vouchers or cash. I havent bought actual big gifts as such ,since my DD was about 12! My DS a bit older but at 17 ,its difficult to know what to get! Vouchers are great .The little theatre near us has some, and DC treated us last Xmas,also meals out . I would treat her to some nice makeup.maybe choccie or whatever she likes ,the good old Amazon and maybe the rest cash.I have enough trouble buying for adults let alone teenagers!

I’d give her the vouchers. It’s not like she’s a young child excited about opening presents. You can always get her a couple of small gifts to open.

As kids get older they want things that don’t necessarily give the parent any particular excitement in getting. My son wanted a guitar pedal thing. I had no idea what it was but I got it, there was no ‘fun’ aspect to the purchase for me but that’s what he wanted.

It's not about being 'spoiled' IMO. Our current gift-giving culture is fairly young in mainstream society, but comes from a period when people didn't have much, the range of goods on offer was more limited and the things we woild be given were more similar/predictable as both society and wishes were more restricted.

These days people regularly get bought things that are duplicates, completely unnecessary or just unsuitable. Very few people need anything and it's actually quite hard to think of things if asked for ideas. Also a great many people need money for essentials or time more than a 'gift'.

I think it's ok for gift-giving to evolve again to better fit the current situation in society.

I know what you mean. It just seems a bit.... transactional. If she were an adult I would be suggesting you stop presents all together, but perhaps go with the vouchers while she's still, in theory, a child.

I think your view is perfectly reasonable and the idea that presents are just pay cheques is problematic for relationships in many ways.

that being said - she obviously doesn’t want a gift from you and doesn’t value you buying gifts for get. She’s still a child - get her the gift cards. And then stop after this year.

I just stopped buying gifts for people who expressed that they didn’t want them from me.

There’s a huge difference between buying someone a gift card for something specific and just generic Amazon cards. Basically she wants more pocket money. Once she finishes school she can get s as job for that.

That's actually a brilliant idea actually. Your daughter is really smart to think of that. I would wrap up some toiletries, chocolates and fluffy socks for under the tree.

I love gift cards, both for me and to give, I'd rather know someone got something from somewhere they actually chose and wanted, and don't see it as a poorly thought gift, at all. If she wants gift vouchers, I'd give them

Just trying to imagine saying in no uncertain terms...NO to my mum when i was a teen

so if the dd said 'but I don't want anything other than vouchers,' you'd get your child nothing at all for christmas, just to prove your point? Talk about the season of goodwill...

yes, you don't seem to.

The whole point of a gift is that you get something the recipient wants, because you want to make them happy. Not something you want or to make yourself feel good.

If you get them something they don't want it's not a gift, it's an obligation.

Giving someone something they don't want isn't kind. Most people would rather have nothing than crap they don't want, and nothing is also better for the planet.

Please read my first line ‘if I asked’ . I have never asked my daughter to clean the toilet but I know that would be her response.
Im not fit to do it myself at the moment either so I just pour abit of duck down it.
Yes she is sometimes ‘entitled’ as are a lot of 16 year old girls .
But she also has a heart of gold and this year has been dreadful for us all.
She does do a lot of jobs that I don’t have to ask her to do Aswell

I would get her the gift card but gift it in a fun way so she gets what she wants but you get to put in the love and thought you clearly want to convey. I occasionally had to do a treasure hunt for my monetary gifts as a teenager.