I don’t want to give DD (17) gift cards for Christmas

Both dd have asked for Money.

I will give them money and also some smaller gifts, maybe clothes both still like lego etc books...

But the main gift will be money.

Xmas has changed but in many ways it's nicer because they can choose and save as they wish. But obviously that dynamic has changed and Xmas will change.

All your points aren't really relevant if this is what the daughter wants and has asked for.

God forbid somebody should ask for something they actually want.

Put the cash in her account and get her a box of Celebrations. That’s what she wants. She doesn’t want tat from B&M or M&S or wherever. She’s saving you a lot of time and likely money. Appreciate that, and give her a voucher with love.

Yes, there's something very selfish about establishing a rule that allows one person in the house to make present giving about their preferences.

It’s about both giver and receiver.

i don’t give money or gift cards, I give presents. Maybe they don’t always hit the mark but they’re given with thought and care. (And FWIW I have been told I’m good at it.)

This isn’t a transaction of handing over a prescribed amount of money that’s owed. It’s my choice to give presents to my family members and it’s about our relationship: a test of how well I know them, of creativity and imagination.

The ideal present is something you wouldn’t have thought of yourself but are thrilled to get.

Yup. And how many of her gifts end up in the charity shop, I wonder?

I always ask, I always say. Enough time and money wasted on guesswork.

If that's what the recipient wants, that IS putting thought into it.

I can see the attraction from her side, she can get herself things as and when she wants them which really is a gift that keeps on giving!

I see what you're saying though and could you perhaps get her a voucher of slightly less value than the full budget and then also get a few wrap up bits- scented candle, fluffy socks, chocolate etc to feel a bit more festive on the day?

When I was a teenager all I wanted was cash or vouchers instead of gifts. I wanted to buy CDs and books and clothes and there was no chance my parents would have got my taste in any of that right (or if they did, it would be something I already owned). I still remember getting a Take That album instead of Hole, then a few years later the Corrs instead of Lauryn Hill, "because you like music". Just no.

Teenagers ultimately want freedom and choice to get the things they want, not what their parents think they want. Denying them that because of your own feelings about gift-giving is frankly a bit controlling.

Then, just like OP, you're making it all about you and what you want, rather than the receiver.

That’s a small amount of pocket money for a 17 year old what does she have to buy out of that ?

It’s what teenagers want. I clearly remember my kids getting to the money for Christmas stage and now dgc are reaching it I’m over the moon. So much easier and they can buy what they want when they want. I’d rather £100 went on something they want than something I choose that gets out in a drawer.
I’ve always done a stocking for dc and dgc so stuff that with small fun stuff.

OP, I get you. There's something so transactional with vouchers. It sounds though like your daughter could benefit from a little more of her own cash to spend, which could be solved by her getting a job.

Most people here will just say give vouchers, but you can fully establish a rule that in your house, gifts can't be cash. I don't think I would ever give a voucher either.

I haven't RTFT but I'd compromise and give her what she wants but also do a small stocking - it doesn't have to be expensive....some chocs/pjs/book, then you'll both be happy!

See, I like reading, but I wouldn't want to receive books, I live in a small flat and do not have the space to keep books, I use a kindle and borrow from the library.

Yes, sadly some people aren't as good at choosing physical item gifts as they think they are.

I understand the way you feel but honestly I'd just give her what she wants for Christmas, she is at an age when she wants to get her own bits - so that's fair enough xx

I think she's old enough to choose her own things, she sensibly would rather have the money available to buy things throughout the year when things crop up that she wants or needs instead of having a ton of stuff she may not even like for Christmas.

Why don't you tell her that you don't want to lose christmas tradition so three quarters of the amount will be in voucher form and the last bit will be spent on a gift so she has something to open on Christmas day. It doesn't have to be black and white you can let her grow up a little bit without losing anything.

This is a very thoughtful post.

The people who are the most ‘I only buy gifts not gift cards’ are usually the ones with the least nouse for what the recipient would actually like to receive and think they are the most thoughtful and best gift-giver ever. They tend to buy what they think the recipient should want. Because it’s all about them.

Why wouldn’t you want to make your daughter happy? What if your husband only liked giving Amazon vouchers even if you’d expressed a preference for a present?

It sounds like you aren’t really thinking of others, just yourself, which to me sounds the opposite of Christmas.

My main thing is, as some others have said, that I find vouchers soulless. I’d buy her anything, forever that she needed. I feel like gift giving should involve thought and don’t want to nuture an idea that it’s expected, transactional or meaningless. I also accept I might be being sentimental and need to get a grip.

There's a lot about your feelings in there and nothing at all about hers.

Gift giving should indeed involve thought - about what the recipient would most like and enjoy. If the thought is about what you want then that's not the right kind of thought.

Vouchers isn't soulless if that's what someone wants.

Teenagers want choice and control over their own lives and usually have limited money. The pleasure for her is in the freedom of choice and browsing the items as well as the monetary value. If you give her what you want instead of what she has specifically asked for, I really don't see the point. She will be disappointed.

I also wouldn't get her a different kind of voucher. That is also just making it about you. Get her exactly what she wants. You can always get a couple of token gifts to unwrap on the day.

She's 17, not 7.

She wants the freedom and independence of being able to choose what she wants herself.