I don’t want to give DD (17) gift cards for Christmas

I loved my gran. She was brilliant and we were really close. She used to shake her head at her siblings giving their GC money while she bought proper presents. Each present was chosen for the recipient with love and care

And I politely opened my presents knowing that I would never use the jumper, pen set, purse, diary or ear rings that she had chosen and she might as well have given the money directly to the charity shop.

Such a relief when she decided to just give us all £30. And last year - 30+ years later - was the first Xmas without her. And I really missed that cheque for £30 and the little note telling me to buy myself a bottle of wine. Because that £30 was given with love.

Omg OP, she’s 17! Get her the gift card

Nailed it. Brilliant 👏

@ForkTines

I’m not sure if I’m being a sentimental looney or stopping in its tracks a tit for tat voucher exchange transaction every year when she leaves home.
For context on her cash flow etc - she gets £50 per month pocket money for keeping all the floors of the house consistently clean - hoover or mop as needed - and both toilets scrubbed without ever having to be nagged or me think about it. She’s a lovely, kind, straight A kid. I have no complaints.

Oh this is so interesting. You are promoting a transactional relationship by making her cleaning and tidy for a miserly 50 quit per moths. That amount of cleaning should get a much higher pay, if you wish to be transactional. Unless you are giving her pocket money because all YA deserve to have some cash, mostly they don't have to do chores for it. Nothing wrong with chores but why is the task of keeping all the floors of the house consistently clean not shared in the family?

lovely, kind, straight A kid. Then stop being so controlling and mean. Give her the gift she asks for. The only transactional person here is you. Of course you are not able to see this. Just leave your poor dd be.

Just say no. We don't give cash or vouchers as gifts. I tell our kids this any time they ask. They get cash from family and can spend on what they like (most of the time/as long as not wasted). You could meet in the middle and give a smaller value giftcard alongside gifts?

I understand your pov that sitting watching your dd open one item (a voucher) takes away from the enjoyment and atmosphere of seeing their reaction from the thought put in to buying a gif especially if not something they’d specifically ask for. Equally what teens struggle with is an ability to buy what they want/need throughout the year so also understand why your dd is asking for it. How about a compromise - you agree a budget (e.g £50) to allow for gifts you can buy for on the day and the rest in vouchers?

She doesn’t like what you pick for her and she wants to have more than £50 a month for spending. That wouldn’t even get a couple of drinks in the week and one cinema trip these days!
Get her what she wants, it’s not about you.

Also, I'm going to say it, 99% of people who think they are such good gift givers really, really aren't. Your recipients are just being polite.
This in buckets. I cringe whenever I see someone on here talk about how they give such perfect, thoughtful gifts. Maybe some of them are getting the perfect gift, probably some are getting gifts that are OK, but I imagine most of the time the recipients are just smiling then tucking it away or giving it to charity.

I had parents who thought they knew best and would ignore my requests. I hated seeing the waste of money on things I didn't want or even like but having to stick a smile on my face and look happy for them.
I refuse to do that to my kids. If they state a preference for a gift then I will respect that. Giving gifts is all about making the recipient happy, not conferring some obligation to be grateful on them.

BTW, the £50 a month pocket money, do you presumably pay for lunches, phone bill, toiletries etc on top of that? Otherwise, that £10/week is pretty miserly for a teen girl, especially since she’s having to scrub the loos etc.

I think £50 a month for what she does around the house is miserly

And IF from the £50 she is meant to pay phone, food, toiletries AS WELL......lord !!

I'm sure that's why she wants a gift card

Because she just doesn't have enough money for her day to day expenses and needs to use her Christmas and Birthday gifts to live off. 🙄😪

I’d buy her anything, forever that she needed.

Well there we are

She needs and wants an amazon gift card

Buy her that

This is NOT about you

Christmas is "about" different things to different people. I couldn't give a monkey's about having things to unwrap under the tree. When DS was little that was all fun but I don't see the need to force it with a teenager if they're not that bothered.

Why is that grim? It's a household chore that needs doing, a 17 year old isn't above it!

We have a mother who is terrible at gifts. Every year we get tat; all her gifts get put to one side, ready for charity shop. She won’t get gift receipts, and buys when she’s on holiday, so often no chance of a return or exchange. Now it’s our teen children getting the same, at an age when all they really want is cash. We’ve tried for years to get her to save wasting money (she spends a lot), but to no avail. She thinks she knows best.

BTW, the £50 a month pocket money, do you presumably pay for lunches, phone bill, toiletries etc on top of that? Otherwise, that £10/week is pretty miserly for a teen girl, especially since she’s having to scrub the loos etc.

But it's OK for OP?. A few years, even months, the daughetr 'll have to do it for herself anyway. Don't be so squeamish and silly.

You make her scrub the loos? Grim

I'd prefer this - I would prefer she got herself things she wanted / needed rather than I buy her tat she did not want.

FWIW I have been told I’m good at it.

Of course you have. That's what polite people will always say about the gifts you buy them.

You are not being unreasonable to not want to give your daughter gift cards for Christmas. You love to give presents. Vouchers feel soulless to you.

You are being unreasonable to not give your daughter gift cards for Christmas. She wants gift cards. They don't feel soulless to her.

Is the gift for you or for her?

At least she's not asked for cash. That would be entitled.

Just give her the Amazon vouchers (she'll have to buy something with it)and buy her a little something to open on Xmas day.

so YOU don't WANT to give your daughter what SHE WANTS

oh dear, how selfish of you

My daughter is 16 next month and genuinely rarely asks for anything. People have asked what to get and I’ve said vouchers for some of her favourite shops. She loves the idea of us going for lunch and a full on shopping day. I’m very fortunate she wants to do this I know. If she wants vouchers/gift card let her have them Whether she shops with you or her friends she will have a great time.

Op I get it, I wouldn't like that either.

Giving physical gifts at Christmas is part of Christmas, having something to unwrap on Christmas morning, thinking about someone else...

I think money/vouchers is okay for bdays but not Christmas.

Why not relevant? I didn't say that I won't or don't. Just that this is how I feel about it. Reflecting something of how the OP feels.

Let her enjoy the Amazon vouchers!

Fwiw I adore gift cards, I usually don't buy for me so a gift card makes me..