Unsure how to handle DH

Lots of people take anti depressants alongside other medication. He really needs to give it a go.

Cruel of you?! No it wouldn’t be cruel, you sound lovely.

Christ, depressed or not he sounds hard work.
He seems very self absorbed to me.
Has he actually asked the GP if there’s a medical reason why he can’t go on medication? I’m sure they could monitor him or put him on something that wouldn’t interact with his other medication.
Or is it that he just doesn’t want to go on anything..

Just look after you & DD and let him get on with it if he won’t help himself.
He could’ve gone for a run or something while he was sat in his car.
As someone else said, would he sit in his car at work and not go in..🤔

He's also being a dick. He's depressed but he's still being a dick. The two things can be true.

Of course it wouldn't be cruel!! Go out or you'll both be depressed!

He NEEDS to go to GP as there may well be medication he can take along his existing one.

He needs to speak to a GP IMMEDIATELY and get on antidepressants or have dose adjusted if already on them. He cannot be like this when you have a baby together. Not fair on you or him or the baby.

Apart from that, you matter too- focus on you and the baby as much as you can.

He doesn't like you leaving him alone but he can sit in the car by himself for over an hour? Love, he's playing you like a violin.

I strongly suggest building YOU a support network because this doesn't sound like a man who wants to help himself very much. We've all got childhood trauma in some ways, I could write a book about my parents god awful behaviour but I'm not inflicting that onto my kids. And neither should he be.

Exactly this.
The OP isn't her husband's support person, and
I bet that her own depression has to do a lot with the way he conducts himself.
Interesting how depressed women find a way to get on with it (former one here) and men just ....
Ugh.
😐😡

This sounds awful but it is a little bit true as well - some men, especially while struggling, also struggle with realising they’re not No1 priority at home any more when baby finally materialises in the world. Not just an idea any more, they’re here and they need everything doing for them.
There, I said it! But if he’s sitting in his car, he’s not trying anywhere near hard enough while you struggle on trying to do it al. Do not cook twice. Like others have said, take a step back from his care before you burn yourself out. He’s an adult and needs to get help (esp. if he had traumatic upbringing) and/or medication, or change his job. You can’t do everything.

I've got depression and I'm medicated for it but even before that point I couldn't opt out of family life and being part of a team. I did things less efficiently but I was suffering. Sorry if I haven't been thorough with the post reading as I've only just stumbled upon this but a trip to gp and meds could be a good next step? I've lost family members to suicide due to depression so might run in family. It's a shit thing to have. My spouse is understanding and I keep talking to him rather than withdrawing. I took the decision to get help however. Your DH needs to do the same for everyone's sake.

He's not that depressed if he's getting up and going off to work.

Just ignore him for now. Focus on looking after yourself and the new baby. How old are your other DC?

Definitely this. It sounds like he could benefit from medication if he isn't taking any at the moment, and if he is some can take a while to work but when they do they can make a huge difference . I know supporting someone with depression is so hard. It's important to take care of yourself. just take each day/ hour as it comes. Things will get better.

In the nicest way, stop trying to fix him. Only he and medical professionals can do that. Focus on your tiny baby, make the most of this very special time with them, and to a degree, stop enabling his selfishness.

I'm bloody sick of the words mental health, far too many people are using them to excuse arsehole behaviour. If he can function enough to hold a job down, he can hold the baby for half an hour and give you a break.

Oh boo fucking hoo. He has a child. How many women suffering with depression get to just sit in their car and ignore their responsibilities?

Get a good baby carrier and make him take walks with the baby. You need a break.

Look after yourself and your baby first and foremost. You can't look after your baby if you're not looking after yourself.

You can support him, but not to the detriment of everything and everyone around you.

As a pp said selfishness can sometimes go hand I hand with depression.

I had terrible anxiety and with it some mild depression just after I had my first dd. My dh was next to useless. Didn't even bother reading stuff I sent him on anxiety and he just stuck his head in the sand. About 10 years later he started having anxiety attacks and was also diagnosed with depression, and our worlds stopped. Dd and I had to tip toe around him, had to shoulder all the housework, clubs, food shops, cooking all whilst holding down a full time job. I was so pissed off about it and really resented him. I tried to be sympathetic and supportive, but it was so hard when he expected the moon on a stick and wouldn't even give me a shoulder to cry on when it was me.

We divorced a few years later and I know that my resentment was one of a few reasons we are now divorced.

This.

sitting in the fucking car outside for an hour is ridiculous.
he could sit in the house and hold the baby.
I’d have lost my mind by now putting up with this arseholery,

stop cooking, washing his clothes cleaning his dishes and whatever other nonsense you are doing for him.
look after your baby and yourself.
the very least he can do is sort himself out.

he needs to get it together or leave you to get on with it.

I feel incredibly sorry for you that he is doing this to you at the one of the hardest most vulnerable times of your life. It’s utterly selfish.

Funny how often when men become depressed they can work but absolutely no more, certainly no housework or childcare.
Women just limp on somehow and do it all....
How he behaved when YOU were depressed says SO much.

OP, please protect yourself.
Can you go and stay with family?
If you can, do it.
Do not hesitate.
You are so vulnerable.
He will be ok, he is used to putting himself first, as per when you were depressed...he will manage.

You however need to mind yourself as your baby is so dependent on you.
Please seek support and put yourself first.

This is a massively fucked up situation where you're looking after a small baby and you're hungry but your biggest concern is your DH who is sitting in the fucking car whilst you struggle.

YANBU to be struggling. It is hard to do this on your own!

But do not let him take your joy of your long awaited baby. You can offer to help him but he will only sort himself out when he wants to. Your job is to look after yourself and your little one. And that is such a lot! Don't feel like you have to take responsibility for him too.

My partner was similar and I was determined not to let it get to me. I did nice things with my baby and tried to make happy memories. It really helped to get out to a baby group and speak to other people. Seeing my parents and friends excited about my baby was so needed after feeling like my partner couldn't care less.
I hope you have some support outside your partner.
I hope you and your baby can have some nice times together and you can enjoy them being so little.

Wow, just reading some of the comments here. Clearly these people have no idea about depression. OP I'd be very wary of listening to some of these comments. He needs help, help him to get it.

Get him to speak to the GP. Antidepressants can make a huge difference and the GP can offer him talking therapy.

Look after yourself and eat. He needs to get signed off and get support, but like most men he wont get on with the housework and childcare, like you had to. If he complains then i’d be asking him where your support was

Just because YOU got on with things whilst depressed it doesn’t diminish what he’s going through. He’s struggling and you try to say you are sympathising with him etc but it doesn’t sound like it.

Surely he wouldn’t eat anyway if he is that depressed.