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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find it frustrating when people say “they’re just being honest” when they’re actually being rude?

160 replies

OpenPombear · 27/09/2024 17:17

It seems like some people use ‘honesty’ as an excuse to be hurtful. AIBU to feel that there’s a difference between being honest and being rude?

OP posts:
LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 27/09/2024 17:35

Anyone who ever tells people “they speaks as they find/calls a spade a spade” is a massive red flag and should be avoided. I’ve never met a single person who says either of those things about themselves who isn’t a cunt who enjoys upsetting people.

Tagyoureit · 27/09/2024 17:25

Context is everything.

"If I'm honest, I think you look like a bag of potatoes in that dress!" = rude

"If I'm honest, I don't think that's going to work so we may need to reconsider the plan" = honest

5128gap · 27/09/2024 17:25

Unsolicited honesty is rude.

username0489 · 27/09/2024 17:25

Depends on context. People are often given the most appalling advice because their friends don't want to tell them the truth. Often someone needs a bucket of water to see through their delusions.

ntmdino · 27/09/2024 17:23

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 27/09/2024 17:20

Every person I have ever met who says either "I call a spade a spade" or "I tell it like it is" had been an absolute twat who is justifying their rudeness.

Exactly. I get irrationally angry about that - I'm autistic, and I've literally spent decades learning how to interact socially while expending huge amounts of energy trying to determine what to hold back in order to avoid upsetting people, and these people can't even be arsed to do the bare minimum in that regard even when it would come at almost no effort to them.

Actually, scratch that. It's perfectly rational.

hildabaker · 27/09/2024 17:23

It's annoying when their 'honesty' is actually just their opinion. The trouble is that so many of this type of person wear their outspokenness like a badge of honour, as if the rest of us were bloody liars. It is extremely tiring to be around them.

LondonQueen · 27/09/2024 17:22

It really depends on the context?

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 27/09/2024 17:20

Every person I have ever met who says either "I call a spade a spade" or "I tell it like it is" had been an absolute twat who is justifying their rudeness.

AmeliaEarache · 27/09/2024 17:20

It entirely depends on context. Sometimes we could do with being more upfront about things, sometimes a social lie is the better option.

OtterOnAPlane · 27/09/2024 17:19

Totally.

Exactly the same as when people justify others' behaviour by saying 'you know what they're like'. Yes, like a twat.