To find it frustrating when people say “they’re just being honest” when they’re actually being rude?

That’s the response from someone who is
"just being honest"

😂

Hmmm... I come from a very direct culture where being honest and saying what you think is quite standard. It's not rude, it's just the way we communicate. However this is obviously not the case in the UK and I really do try to tone it down here, but still occasionally get responses like "thank you for your honesty" when I genuinely thought I was being polite and indirect! Oops...

This really pisses me off and I’ve vowed next time someone says it my response is going to be ‘no you say it how you think it is’ it’s always usually an opinion not fact.

I hope my friends would be honest enough to tell me if my new dress looked like a sack of shit on me rather than allow me to go out wearing it just to be “nice”!

There's no yes or no answer to this question.

Did you solicit the comment? If you have asked for an opinion, then be prepared to hear the truth.

If you have not asked for an opinion, then comments about appearance etc. are generally unwarranted.

However if someone says "I should be fine to drive" when you know they have had four pints that merits you offering an unsolicited truth "No, you're over the limit and should not be driving".

Being honest simply means not lying, but it does NOT mean blurting out every thought that goes through your head.

You can tell the truth with tact, most of the time. Eg, your friend says "Do I look fat in this skirt?" you think "well, yes" but you say "I like the blue one better". If she continues to press on whether she looks fat you could say "The other one makes you look slimmer."

It also depends on whether the person has been rude to you first, as you do not owe anybody tact if they are tactless to you.

I remember years ago an aunt of mine commenting "Oh do you know you have a double chin?!" (I had just had a baby and had gotten a bit chubby) and I replied "Do you know you have had a double chin for the past 30 years but I've never mentioned it?"

In short, it depends.

It was an example, no need to get that deep about it

Someone I know says his wife tells it like it is because she's from 'a certain place'. My reply was, "For the sake of politeness, don't tell it like it is.".

The sheer arrogance of someone to use where they're from as an excuse to be rude.

I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of the “I tell it like it is/I’m just being honest” people don’t think it is at all acceptable if other people are brutally honest to them! It is just fine for them to be rude and hurtful to everyone around them, but heaven forbid anyone gives them a taste of their own medicine.

"I call a spade a spade" or "I tell it like it is”

”No - you are just a rude, hurtful offensive twat!”

”Wahhhhh - how can you be so mean to meeeeee?”

@Otteronaplane couldn't agree more, ex SIL was a horrible bully towards me when I first met exh and had a reputation amongst the family for being selfish and rude but they would complain about her and then say "but you know what she's life" she is still a massive twat to this day because no one really ever pulls her up on it (I did in the last few years of my marriage but felt I was seen as being a troublemaker for doing so)

My mother was the same.

“your hair looks better long” an hour after I’ve had it cut off, is unnecessary and hurtful but she’s only being honest!

There’s absolutely no need for brutal honesty ALL OF THE TIME. Sometimes it’s nice just to be nice

My mother is a spiteful old hag. Well, you don’t want me to lie do you, I’m just being honest.

Im fine, we’ve been non contact for the best part of 30 years.

They proudly announce that they "say, it like they see it"

Who's is almost always code for being a rude twat

Why would you need to preface your second example by saying that, surely it indicates that you don't always tell the truth? You can always choose to say nothing

Exactly I'm not a racist but.
So you are a racist.

Yes, and so often they pride themselves on ‘speaking their mind’ - as if it’s a virtue.

I have an old aunt like this. We do our best to avoid her.

The ‘tell it as it is’ types always say negative things about people too, it’s hardly ever a compliment. They themselves though are never the self-deprecating type, they nearly always brag and big themselves up!

You will often find that, when paid back in the same manner, they can be very hurt or offended.
Also, they can (sometimes) get very flustered when asked to explain themselves further.

I've only ever said that when questioned about why I didn't want to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Other than that it does often proceed something rude. It's like, unless your opinion is voiced in a reasonable non offensive way then it does not need to be heard. It's called politeness!

Yep , the old ' you know me I say it as I see it '

Agree, the people who say 'i say it as it is' or 'i'm just being honest' never actually say anything complimentary. Surely if you are you would have nice things to say too.

They use it as an excuse to be rude and get away with it if you take offence. You can be honest without being nasty

Or ‘I’m not racist/homophobic but…’

‘I’m not being funny but…’ followed by bitchy comment!

Some people are just too sensitive

Oh god, my DM is like this! She'll say "I'm just being honest" with her faux shocked face. Reader, she isn't being honest, she's being rude and nasty.

I don't understand why people think 'to be honest' is any kind of valid addition to any sentence. I mean, if you generally use this term then unless you use it for everything you ever say, however banal, people will think that you're not being honest if you forget to pointlessly attach it, surely?