To find it frustrating when people say “they’re just being honest” when they’re actually being rude?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Personally, I DO suffer actual fools gladly, but weapons-grade arseholes get both barrels!

I understand it perfectly thanks.
OP posted:
It seems like some people use ‘honesty’ as an excuse to be hurtful. AIBU to feel that there’s a difference between being honest and being rude?
I've merely explained what the difference is.

The other one is "I don't suffer fools gladly"; really means they are an arrogant rude arsehole.

Them: I say it like I see it and call a spade a spade.
Me: Ah ... so you're that person.

That was a perfectly reasonable way to respond and whoever said that is wrong. In fact it's the best way to respond, it's true - being rude would be if you'd said I'm not coming as that sounds a crap party/outing etc. Although even then I think it's reasonable to be invited to something ie do you want to go and see x with me and say no thanks, it's not my thing

Exactly. Honesty is saying "I cant make it, I have another engagement and its not really my thing, but I hope you have a good time"

Rude would be saying "I'm not going to that! it sounds like utter shit, I cant believe you'd think I'd enjoy such rubbish".

Just be polite (which is the first one), you really dont have to pad it out with "oh it sounds lovely, I'm so gutted to miss it" etc..Thats just unnecessary and is actually lying if it's not really your thing anyway.

Tell them
"Honesty is OK but I don't expect you to be rude, unkind or disrespectful."

They are basically telling you that they expect to break society's rules without consequence. Not a good sign.

That was a perfectly reasonable way to respond and whoever said that is wrong. In fact it's the best way to respond, it's true - being rude would be if you'd said I'm not coming as that sounds a crap party/outing etc. Although even then I think it's reasonable to be invited to something ie do you want to go and see x with me and say no thanks, it's not my thing.

Challenge with the social padding is you can get roped into agreeing to do something else you don't want to.

Depends entirely on context. I took my BFF wedding dress shopping with me because I knew she would be brutally honest (and she was -“no darling, not that one. Somehow it makes your arse look massive” 🤣🤣🤣) In a very close relationship I think you can sometimes be brutally honest.
Other people though, yeah they are just rude. I had a “friend” like that who just used to slag of everyone and everything under the pretext of being “ honest”. Actually, she was just an old bitch.

My mother loves to say unkind things and when you pull her up on it she will retort that she is a " truth teller" and has to " speak her mind".

You obviously don’t understand the thread.
nobody’s asking for their opinion, that’s the whole point.

And they can never take it back, either!

There is a difference, yes. However, I'd also say that those who are offended by an honest opinion will often claim the other person is 'rude' when all they're doing is just telling them something they don't want to hear.

The point is nobody’s asking for this honesty.
If someone is asking for your advice, fair enough.
But this thread isn’t about that, it’s about people, her make out they’re just being honest, when they haven’t been asked, to which they give their own biased opinion, which according to them is right.And no, curvy, doesn’t actually mean someone is fat (l’m of slim build, would never say that) it just means they have a womanly figure, all their curves are in the right places.

Perfect response!

I know.
They use it like a badge of honour.
In my experience, they can't take it when you say similar back to them.. and I always do 😈

But are too polite to say.

It's the same as when people start a sentence with "No offence, but..." I mean, you know what's coming is going to be totally offensive, and they might as well have said "I don't care that I'm offending you but...."

My DH's brother is married to a woman who 'call's a spade a spade". My BIL once said to me that he loves the fact that his wife will say exactly what she thinks. While I can see that's good sometimes, the fact that most of the family no longer speak to them might indicate that, on the whole, it might be better if she sometimes keeps her opinions to herself.

My mum's one is 'Well you'd rather I tell you, wouldn't you?' No, actually!

I knew a guy like this. He prided himself on being honest and opinionated. Biggest twat I have ever known.

I agree. If they are broadcasting their racist beliefs they have already opened the door to feedback even without asking your opinion.
Some people seem to value politeness at all costs, but I am not one of them. If you're willing to act like an asshole you should be prepared to be told you're an asshole.

'well if you know what we're all thinking, you'll know that everyone thinks you're a massive cunt'.
😄

Last year one of the hairdressers where I go told me my long blonde hair was unflattering and did nothing for me. I burst out laughing and said thanks. She said, “well I’m just being honest”. Then ten minutes later she came back and kept saying how “gorgeous” my hair was, it was really bizarre. I don’t know if she felt embarrassed or what. My long blonde hair is all gone now thanks to chemo.

That stunned me too, it’s vulgar. Telling the person they irritate everyone, giving examples, would be enough.

I like honesty, I just don't like unsolicited 'advice' or rudeness. If I ask a friend for an opinion, I want them to be honest, even if they disagree with me. I just don't understand why some people, uninvited, feel that everyone needs to know what they think.

Being “honest” simply means not lying. That’s a low bar. Saying shitty things you believe out loud is just rude.