To find it frustrating when people say “they’re just being honest” when they’re actually being rude?

I believe people can be honest without being deliberately hurtful or unkind, @Rain11 - don’t you?

I disagree. I prefer when people are completely honest with me. I can't stand fake people.

It’s the same as starting a sentence with “with all due respect”. Usually followed up with something not in the least bit respectful.

Often when people ask if their bum looks big, they don't want an honest answer, they want reassurance. If someone is overweight, they are usually aware and don't need someone 'honest' to tell them.

However it's cultural. In Germany for example, you'll get an honest answer to your question.

@Jumpingthruhoops - don’t you think it is possible to answer a question like “does my bum look big in this?” in a way that is honest but still not hurtful? That is what I would try to do, if I was asked this question.

I do wonder whether the people the OP is talking about isn’t the people who are answering a question honestly, but the ones who dish out their opinion regardless, and without caring about the recipient’s feelings whatsoever - I think the two are very different.

I'm confused... where's the insult?

If you're referring to the 'social veneer that most British people operate under' it's widely accepted that that's what most people do, so hardly an insult.

If you ever meet a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist in a social context, ask them what the difference is between "Meeting the diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder" and "Just generally being an arsehole".

It breaks the ice (people in those professions are wary of saying what they do because a lot people think they are on duty 24/7) and you will get some interesting replies.

Mmm... actually I think you're a prime example of what this thread is about:
'I'm not really interested in what you have further to say'.
There is not a single instance where a comment like that would be considered anything other than 'rude'. That's not being honest.
'We'll have to agree to disagree' would be a much more polite way to make such an honest statement without offending someone. But that's not really what we're talking about here.
Whatever... I guess my honest vs rude standpoint comes from a position of not being a twat to begin with.

But that's the thing: it might offend you -doesn't mean the person shouldn't say it, if it's true.

It's like the age old: 'Does my bum look big in this?' It may well do. So if it does, I'd rather be told so I can do something about it, than recieve a sugarcoated answer just to 'save' my feelings. I'll choose the truth EVERY time.

Again, you’ve misunderstood the thread, you’re just contradicting yourself, in my last comment to you, l repeated exactly what you said.And now you’re telling me l’m mixed up and you have a right to an opinion.Have you got any other slogans, other than it’s a free country and you’re allowed to give your opinions.
I’m really not interested, in what you have further to say.You are a prime example of what this thread is about.

I think you've got this all a bit mixed up. OP didn't specify whether the person receiving the opinion had 'asked for it'. Just whether those who claim to be honest are, in actual fact, rude.
My opinion - which I'm allowed to give whether anyone asked for it or not because we live in a free country - is that, I believe most often, the ones saying a person is rude are those who don't like receiving honest opinions.

Don't you think it is possible - even easy - to tell the truth without being cruel or nasty or hurting someone's feelings, @Dmsandfloatydress?

I don't think it is being false or lying to express a truth in a way that does not cause upset to the hearer. This thread is not about being open or even forthright - it is about being deliberately unkind or offensive, but hiding behind the mantle of 'just being direct', 'just telling it how it is' etc.

For me, the proof of the pudding is in the way that these people respond when they are on the receiving end of similar 'direct honesty' aka nastiness - they cannot take it, only dish it out.

And it’s the “ no offence but…. Followed by something hurtful and rude that does cause offence!

I have known two people (ex bfs) who used to start a sentence with "to be honest....". It invariably meant that a lie was following.

My mum's favourite phrase is "you've got to be cruel to be kind".

Whilst that can sometimes be the case in certain circumstances, saying it all the time is just using the last three words as unnecessary filler; some would say 'a lie'.

It's a bit like CF moochers who adopt "sharing is caring" as their regular catchphrase when trying to force other people to hand over their food/money/stuff.

It's literally using 'nice' sounding words redundantly, as saying "I like being cruel" or "you must hand over your stuff to me, as I'm too mean to get my own" rather give the game away as to their true intentions.

Wow!
Quite possibly, or more likely, some people on this thread would think that was perfectly fine!

My mum's favourite phrase is "you've got to be cruel to be kind". She was on the phone to one of her sisters once when I still lived at home, discussing another sister who was terribly ill in hospital & mum kept repeating "she'd be better off dead" at her sister who was crying. Afterwards she kept saying to me that you have to be cruel to be kind. Perhaps her own distress about her ill sister's suffering caused her to say that and maybe she was trying to get her sister on the phone to face the reality of how ill their sister was (the sister in hospital died a few weeks later) but...I felt it was unnecessarily hard. I think some people sometimes confuse being honest with offering blunt unsolicited opinions. Now that pps have pointed it out its true I rarely hear blunt unsolicited compliments handed out I have to agree.

😂 You’ve just given your opinion, ending it, in an insult.Isn’t that the whole point of this thread "I’m just being honest"

Anyone whom says ' be honest' is almost certainly angling for praise. They will not thank you for your insight if its disagreeable to them.

Anyone whom sets the scene by prefacing with ' call a spade a spade, me etc' is preparing listeners for an unpleasant observation, and is looking for a reaction. Bit like flasher tbh.

Do you know all British people? Oh of course, you were just being honest.

You’re not wrong. And the disdain the of the ‘be kind brigade’ is part of this. Kindness matters and always will.

See I can't stand people being false. Being nice, social lies, forced politeness, false modesty. I find it shallow and two faced. If I've said something out if turn then I'll apologise but I prefer direct, open forthright people to the social veneer that most British people operate under.

A friend of mine, sadly dead, who used to shoot from the hip, didn’t say “being honest”, she said “being blunt”. Which was honest.

Yep agree, another phrase that pisses me right off is “don’t take this the wrong way but..insert insults “. Errr I’ll decide if what you say offends me actually!

Firm fave of Mil, thankfully we are NC now by my husbands choice for various reasons, but have to say the “I’m just being honest” etc used to really get on my nerves.

So your understanding of the post is, apparently, the people who get offended, by an "honest opinion” will claim the other person is rude, when all they’re doing is telling them, something they don’t want to hear.
The point being is, who is actually asking for their opinion, this is my understanding of this thread.To say to someone, l’m just being honest, using this, as a way to insult and push their opinion.
So no, l don’t think you understand perfectly, your opinion and others who choose to give an opinion, which wasn’t even asked for, doesn’t make it a fact.