To find it frustrating when people say “they’re just being honest” when they’re actually being rude?

😂 Oh my goodness a ‘you’ problem.This thread is about people who haven’t asked for an opinion, unsolicited advice.
It’s completely different when a friend, family member, has asked for your advice, opinion, then gets offended.Would you be ok with someone saying to you, out of the blue, you need to exercise more, that’s why you’re so overweight (with no thought, understanding, this person, may have a medical condition, or is happy with how they look) or you should wear some make-up, it would make you more attractive, under the guise "they’re just being honest”

I'd say its even beyond rude - they actually mean to insult you.

Yes, it’s very much about the delivery.

When going through my divorce I used to brace myself every time my ex said he was going to be honest. He used it as an excuse to be very cruel. He left my self esteem in tatters. I still shudder when I hear it.

Well yes, that's precisely what I meant.

It's social convention. "Does my bum look big." "No! You look great." "How are you?" "Fine thanks.' They're established customs.

It also depends on context. "I'm worried about my health, do you think I need to lose weight?" A good friend would ideally tell you the truth.

There are times when the truth is necessary and times when it's not being asked for or not appropriate. Someone with good emotional intelligence can navigate the correct response.

It’s a difficult one I think. With loved ones and valued friends, you want to be tactful, kind, dress up the blunt truth a bit, be supportive more than anything else.
But with people who do very wrong things, make decisions that harm themselves or others, are simply unwilling to learn from previous mistakes, it’s very hard to wrap this sort of person in cotton wool.

Ex best friend used to swear she was just “being honest” and told me it’s better that she speaks the truth than hide it after making continuous rude and unnecessary opinionated comments about mine or others lives.

I think sometimes people just stick their nose in with nasty comments and say “I’m just an honest person”

If I ask for your opinion then tell me the truth. But no need to be nasty for no reason other than to put others down

But why give them 'false reassurance' if you don't believe it to be true?
I would far rather risk being 'bad cop' than have my friend/partner be insulted by a total stranger once we're out. That's what makes a true friend.
That being said, the answer would likely be a different depending on whether they ask directly 'DMBLBIT' as opposed to 'How do I look?' The latter puts the onus on you to respond in the kindest, most honest way possible.

THIS. It's one thing to give an honest answer to a friend who asks you what you think of her new haircut for example. It's another entirely to go up to someone who hasn't asked for an opinion, is clearly happy with their choice, and then just tell them it looks shit. Who does that and why do you think they want or value your stupid opinion if they haven't asked for it?

I don't think anyone does that in real life; people going up to random strangers telling them their hair looks shit. It's certainly not something I've ever come across.

I've heard the Dutch are even more direct than the Germans. I actually prefer being direct and get a little frustrated at having to couch what I say lest it offend.

However we have certain customs in the UK such as asking someone how they are but not actually caring. Another is someone asking if they look fat, you never say they look fat. It's generally accepted that they just want reassurance.

I prefer being direct but don't deliberately want to hurt people's feelings.

This! 👏👏

I suspect you may be right - but I've never understood that. Why ask a question you don't want an honest answer to?
Give me the German approach any time...

Yes - you are absolutely right, @ntmdino.

But an opinion doesn't have to be asked for. People are allowed to give an opinion on anything and to whomever they like. What they can't do is be rude in their delivery of that opinion.

The point of this thread is, it’s not about giving an opinion, it’s about using the term "l’m just being honest" or "l say it as it is” when the opinion wasn’t even asked for.

Yes it’s completely different to what this thread is about.The thread, is about, nobody was asking for the opinion in the first place and to say I’m just being honest, doesn’t excuse rudeness.

"After being asked" is the point really isn't it? Because a lot of people give opinions without being asked

THIS. It's one thing to give an honest answer to a friend who asks you what you think of her new haircut for example. It's another entirely to go up to someone who hasn't asked for an opinion, is clearly happy with their choice, and then just tell them it looks shit. Who does that and why do you think they want or value your stupid opinion if they haven't asked for it?

Are you expecting them to immediately rush to the hair stylist and change it just because you have deigned to be "honest"? Not everyone likes the same things, just because you dont like something doesnt mean others dont so unless they have asked, your opinion is kind of worthless.

My mil and fil are prime examples of this, “I’m not being racist but” followed by something extremely racist and starting a story by saying “ I said it how I saw it” and then telling a story where they did some ‘straight taking’ and said some really nasty/hurtful stuff.

They are so proud of “saying it how it is”, but actually they are just giant twats. I’m no contact with them both now after years of horrible put downs.

"After being asked" is the point really isn't it? Because a lot of people give opinions without being asked

But if a person friend or otherwise, gives you a truthful honest answer, after being asked, does it still make it unkind if it's not the answer they wanted?
If you get offended by everything than that is a 'you' problem and not everyone else's job to walk on eggshells around. I know a few people who get so upset by certain words and they are bloody hard work!
Give me upfront and straight talking anyday.

'If I'm being honest........'

When someone says that to me, I'm thinking have they been lying all along?

I dont think being fake is anyone's "thing". I'd find it very, very odd if anyone said they preferred that, hence the point that you can be honest in a kind manner. The people we are referring to in this thread arent kind- thats the point. They utilise "I'm just being honest" to spout their mean, unwanted opinions. Hence people giving lots of examples of just such behaviour.

I was talking about being honest and direct, not about being rude. You can say what you think without being deliberately rude.

I'm not a person who takes offence for everything. I prefer my inner circle to be honest. Fake politeness is really not my thing at all.

Each to their own.

There is a HUGE middle ground between "fake" and being deliberately unkind. Do you really see the world in such extreme terms?