My sons tutor sent me an email to say she’s concerned about him

Poor woman, If she noticed and didn't say anything to you and it turns out your son is seriously ill I can imagine the venomous thread that would be written about her not saying anything!!!
What does her popularity with students have to do with anything? I have a lovely teacher friend who isn't popular with her classes as she is quite strict and expects decent behaviour!

And THIS!

THIS!!!

You are imagining she is suggesting there is an issue at home. Listen to what she actually said, she has concerns for your son. There is no need to get defensive. Thank her and look into it.

A friend of mines daughter was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago. She openly admitted it took other people pointing out how poorly she looked before she noticed, because to her, seeing her every day the changes had been so gradual. She is a lovely mother and not at all neglectful, but sometimes we can't see things that are right in front of us.

Obviously it could also be nothing at all, but no harm in getting it checked out.

Poor teacher. I hope she finds a job somewhere else in a community that appreciates her care for her students.

It's your son so do what you want but don't try to paint the teacher in a bad light for doing her job.

When I was teaching in the school nursery class a few years ago. I had a little one who I noticed was very pale, always tired, not eating snack with the other children.
I brought it up with his dad who was very defensive and rude to me. The child then started falling asleep in the middle of the classroom and I brought it up again. They made a complaint about me and I was hauled into the head teachers office.
After the Christmas break we started changing for a fun PE lesson to get the children ready for reception class.
The child lifted his top and had lots of bruises, couldn't tell me how they happened and was too tired to do the lesson.
I followed our safeguarding procedure and filled out the relevant paperwork, informed the parents and the safeguarding lead.
At the end of the day the parents screamed in my face that they were removing him from my class, I had it out for them, I was the worst teacher etc.
They went straight to the office and by 5pm I was in the head teachers office again being told I was being investigated and the head of governors had been alerted to the situation.
It was the start of a really bad turn for my mental health. Parents and colleagues gossiping, no one really listening or on your side, crap union support. I ended up leaving teaching all together and now work for the civil service.
By February half term the poor child was rushed to hospital and was diagnosed with Lukemia and was extremely poorly, he is still receiving treatment today.
No one ever acknowledged this with me. The investigation of course found nothing and I was expected to return to my role that I had previously loved as though nothing had happened with.
I left in the July and have never looked back.
Teachers are people too. They care about your child. It's a hard job with a terrible work life balance and I would rather walk over hot coals than deal with parents ever again.

You are being so weirdly defensive about this. A person can be happy, eat well, and still be ill.

God alive I'm so glad I'm not a teacher anymore

I had to comment on this as my 14 year old had a huge growth spurt at start of year but was very tired in mornings and looked off colour. Turned out he had anaemia and very low vitamin d. I’d get his bloods down as could be vitamin deficiency. I’d appreciate the Teacher showing some concern to be honest.

I know that this tutor is not liked in the school and his older sister has backed that up.

What's that got to do with any of this?

She could be the most unpopular tutor who ever darkened the door of that school and her reputation might be entirely justified.

It doesn't preclude the possibility that she's right.

To be fair he might have low iron if he's just had a major growth spurt, and you had dark circles under the eyes when you were younger...those dark circles you had might've been low iron too, could be genetic.

Either way, I don't think she's doing anything wrong, it's nice she cares.

So what if he eats well, that doesn't exclude a deficiency or anything else.

Two professionals clearly think he looks ill so surely that is worthy of investigation

@NiceViewFromHere I think you've just got to use some logic. A busy Friday at the end of a busy start to term. What teacher is going to make an unnecessary phone call? They have so much to do. So they've noticed something. It might be nothing, but they've noticed it enough to be concerned and to actually ring you.

Does he have a phone or any devices overnight?

Like a pp, I'm in two minds...

I remember when I once dared to go into work with no make up on and was asked if I was ill...I was absolutely fine...my skin is pale because that's the colour of it FFS. ... having said that, that's not the issue here and im guessing they've noticed a change,?

I would keep an eye on your ds and take him to the gp.

What a bitch - doing her job and raising concerns

I work at a school and we recently noticed a child almost the exact same as this. It was so unlike him that we did report it to his head of year. This boy seems to be back to his bouncy self now and I'm not sure if anything was said to family.

If it was my child, I would want to know.

I think you're being defensive because you think you should have spotted it. Sometimes it's hard to notice change, or we compare to ourselves (I was little that at 14) whereas an outsider perspective can be very helpful.

You can talk to him but if he has a deficiency or, God forbid, an illness, then he won't necessarily realise. This is best checked with blood tests. I would take him to the GP even if he says he's OK. And IF anything is amiss you will be very grateful to this teacher.

Exactly!

He doesn't look ill to you and he does look ill to her.

People are furious when the professionals who are involved in children's lives don't do anything about children who may be being neglected or abused at school. Like the adults in Daniel Pelka's life who did absolutely nothing to help him and he was ultimately murdered.

Take him to the doctor, a friend of mine was really pale and everyone kept telling him he didn’t look well but his family just put that down to him being ginger and not being outdoorsy, he went to hospital for something unrelated and they immediately saw he had anaemia and if he’d waited much longer he would’ve been really seriously ill. Sometimes when something comes on gradually you don’t notice it.

I don't understand why you are annoyed she is worried about him and went above and beyond to try help him , why would you not get his iron levels checked he could easily be low or have too much as can be the case with males.

I think they care and are making an effort to check your son is ok. You should be pleased they’re looking out for him.