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Original poster

My sons tutor sent me an email to say she’s concerned about him

221 replies

NiceViewFromHere · 27/09/2024 16:25

I got an email from my sons tutor yesterday saying he “looked tired and pale recently especially in the mornings” and she wanted to check if he’s ok and have we noticed. We haven’t so I emailed back to say he’s in bed by 9:30/9:45 and seems fine to us. He’s had a massive growth spurt over the summer so has stretched further into a tall gangly teenager but then both my husband and I were like beanpoles when we were 14 and I always had dark circles under my eyes. He’s a bit quieter than he was but we put that down to becoming a teenage boy. He’s 14 in a few weeks. I asked her if she could elaborate so she said it was best to talk on the phone as she can’t explain properly via email. She rang me this morning and said she’s noticed for a while now how pale and grey he looks and she asked another teacher who agreed and said he looked gaunt! She said that he’s lost his spark and I should perhaps take him to get his iron tested. I told him he has a healthy appetite and gets to bed on time but she was quite insistent something was wrong with him. I know that this tutor is not liked in the school and his older sister has backed that up. He’s home later tonight as he has football practice so I will sit him down and talk to him. But we find it odd as he seems happy at home and is eating well. From the conversation we had I felt she was trying to insinuate that there are problems at home or something. It’s peed us off quite a bit as my son doesn’t look ill. Am I being unreasonable to feel upset at his tutor?

OP posts:
BetsyRegards · 27/09/2024 18:45

It was a teacher who realised I was shortsighted and mentioned it to my parents. They wouldn’t have known because I never sat a classroom length distance away from a blackboard at home …

WeeOrcadian · 27/09/2024 18:44

You're taking this personally

It isn't about you

Chillilounger · 27/09/2024 18:44

Take him for a check up then tell her he's seen the Dr and been given the all clear. It will get her off your back and if there is anything you haven't spotted then you know and can do something. Win win surely?

Prescottdanni123 · 27/09/2024 18:42

I had a good appetite and got to bed on time. A routine blood test picked up very low iron and I spent the next three months on iron tablets.

newyear2024 · 27/09/2024 18:41

See I would be grateful and would have him checked. We see our children every day and can sometimes not realise any changes as we see them so frequently. I would thank her for her concern and take him for a quick blood test x

Oranesandlemons · 27/09/2024 18:40

When I was a teenager I was really struggling at school - I was in a really academic, high pressure school and I really struggled to organise myself, keep on top of work etc. A lovely teacher noticed and spoke to me privately and I burst into tears because I was so relieved someone had noticed. She called my mum to explain, when I got home that evening my mum was furious with me because she felt it reflected badly on her and said I was just unmotivated and lazy! Obviously this is a slightly different situation but I would try to view it as a teacher having genuine concern for your child and having his best interests at heart rather than as a reflection on you

sunsetsandboardwalks · 27/09/2024 18:39

Nannyoggapple · 27/09/2024 18:33

I do think the tutor was wrong.

It was okay for her to ask the OP once

But it seems that the OP said that her son was fine, and the tutor went on and on about it

OP doesn't know her son is fine, though Confused

Ivyn · 27/09/2024 18:39

fundsandfrolics · 27/09/2024 18:38

She shouldn't have wasted her time.

Let that be a message for all teachers, don't bother!

Personally, I'd be delighted if a teacher took the time in a busy day to call me about my child. You sound very defensive OP?

This was my first thought too.

fundsandfrolics · 27/09/2024 18:38

She shouldn't have wasted her time.

Let that be a message for all teachers, don't bother!

Personally, I'd be delighted if a teacher took the time in a busy day to call me about my child. You sound very defensive OP?

Nannyoggapple · 27/09/2024 18:33

I do think the tutor was wrong.

It was okay for her to ask the OP once

But it seems that the OP said that her son was fine, and the tutor went on and on about it

Cas112 · 27/09/2024 18:30

The audacity of that teacher ey

You'll only be whining when teachers don't care

harrumphh · 27/09/2024 18:29

You seem to be taking it as a personal insult but I don't really understand why, because it's not.

ittakes2 · 27/09/2024 18:26

I can't see how her saying check his irons levels has anything to do with possible problems at home!
Have you checked on him - is he asleep at 9.45pm/10pm or is he on his phone.
Black circles can also indicate an allergy.

PassingStranger · 27/09/2024 18:26

Greywhippet · 27/09/2024 17:04

This kind of thing is exactly why there is a teacher recruitment crisis

Exactly, didn't go well for you Op. Hardly anyone agrees with you.😀

TwinklyAmberOrca · 27/09/2024 18:23

@NiceViewFromHere FFS teachers are massively overworked so if they phone it means there is a genuine concern!

It's good to see a teacher who notices these things and cares enough to take the time to call home.

I'd say that's a sign of a good teacher not a bad one.

Sometimes teachers see things that parents don't.

Starlight7080 · 27/09/2024 18:23

Sounds like all she was saying was maybe get a blood test . It's nice she cares .
And you have to take it with a pinch of salt when kids say teachers are hated.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 27/09/2024 18:19

Plusmousse · 27/09/2024 18:07

You had to check her popularity with your DD instead of considering whether she might be genuinely concerned about your son?

Who would be a teacher now?! 🙄

This. Fucking hell, op give you head a wobble. What a knobhead move.

You dont want to have his iron levels tested or take him to the doctor as you took someone saying he doesnt seem well as a personal insult. That is your issue.

LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 27/09/2024 18:17

Wow.

Your son's tutor cared enough to reach out and let you know why she's concerned about your child. She took the time to make sure all is well with him as he seems off to her.

You should be thanking her and giving some serious thought to what she's noticed over time, not being annoyed with her!

LouH5 · 27/09/2024 18:15

I know that this tutor is not liked in the school and his older sister has backed that up.

What has this got to do with anything? This poor woman is just being kind and caring and looking out for your son. I find it hard to believe that any mother wouldn’t just be grateful that this teacher cares. Why are you so defensive?

CloudyGladys · 27/09/2024 18:10

I spoke to the parent of a child in my class as I was concerned seeing her other child, who I had taught previously so knew well, looking pale and tired at pick-up time.

Mum's response, “You’re the second person to mention that, I'll get them an appointment to get it checked out.”

Turned out the sibling had leukaemia…

Plusmousse · 27/09/2024 18:07

You had to check her popularity with your DD instead of considering whether she might be genuinely concerned about your son?

Who would be a teacher now?! 🙄

BCSurvivor · 27/09/2024 18:07

He may be in bed before 10pm, but is he asleep, or could he be on his phone/social media well into the night?
I think it's normal as a parent to get a bit defensive, but I do think this teacher is genuinely concerned about your son.
When my son was 17 a tutor raised similar concerns with me.
At first I was mortified, then defensive, followed by embarrassed and tearful, but then I realised there was a lot going on under the surface that was having a huge affect on both my son's home and school life that I just hadn't realised at the time.
And I'm really grateful that his tutor brought it to my attention.

Londonrach1 · 27/09/2024 18:06

She worried about him. Doesn't seen him daily so sees changes. Please book yo see the gp to put your mind at rest. Yabu by the way as tutor is concerned

TootieeFruitiee · 27/09/2024 18:04

go get him some blood tests through the Gp.

Swissvisa · 27/09/2024 18:03

It’s easy (and probably normal) to take this personally. It maybe feels as if she thinks you’re not doing enough for him/ looking after him. But if she’s gone out of her way to reach out to you and say she worried then I can only see that she had good intentions. If she thought you were abusive then she would have gone a different route.

She was worried enough that she contacted you and shared her thoughts. Be grateful there are people out there looking out for children in this way (even if you feel that it was unnecessary in this particular instance).