to think there’s something a bit sad about toddlers napping so easily at nursery?

I hired a church hall for my 3 year old's birthday party and invited all her nursery chums.

My childless brother turned up with his guitar to play them some music and keep them entertained for ten minutes in between party games and tea while we laid the food out. He's charming but by no means a trained toddler-whisperer. But the magic of being in Nursery Mode with their nursery friends meant that they all quickly found seats, lined them up neatly and sat down quietly looking up at Nice Guitar Man like well-behaved lambs.

All the parents were thunderstruck that their cute but slightly feral monsters, fully hopped up on silly games and the promise of sugar, had been transformed into obedient clones just by the power of herd instinct.

Ha ha, mine didn't 😬 Or at least she didn't after the age of two (she napped at home until she was past three!). It was a nightmare actually as then she would inevitably fall asleep in the car on the way home...

Place your child in childcare and some arsehole will throw darts at your face... oh wait.... she'll snidely comment on mumset that your child has to nap with strangers.

Children have to comply at nursery or you'd never get 15 or 20 of them through the day!
Imagine if they just refused to wash their hands, or sit down at the table, or be quiet at nap time? It would be utter chaos, it wouldn't be safe.
Yes, there's some element of copying other children but it's mostly just having strict routines and adults who are very firm and don't give in (and don't get swayed by crying or tantrums).

Quite. I think there is a huge difference between setting clear and consistent boundaries and bombarding your child with ‘no’ for no good reason or just for the sake of it. Good communication is also the best foundations for any relationship whether it be parent and child, platonic friendship or a romantic relationship. Healthy parenting doesn’t involve bombarding your children or nitpicking to any degree. In fact often if you don’t tell your child no they grow up to be adults with controlling tendencies and maladaptive coping mechanisms when inevitably life doesn’t go their way.

They like doing things together, god love them.

Can I come to your preschool please? Those big cushions sound glorious. I promise I’ll nap really well for you. 😂

Not sure what you are on about.

You are trying to use big words, but with no context.

No, it’s because they naturally gravitate towards the group mentality of their peers, as all humans do.

Or, parents can nitpick and badger and bombard them with ‘no’s, until the child internalizes self-subjugation and the beast is stifled but either erupts violently or stays repressed and erupts as an adult through maladaptive coping mechanisms.

That's a lot of big words.

Are you seriously trying to say that telling your child no is damaging?

They copy their peers

However my child has never slept past half 6 at home but if he has a sleepover at nanas he can't go past 8am 🤔 mystery haha

They're more stimulated at nursery than home, so that knackers them out a bit. I do think it's mainly copying the others and it not being a parent trying to get them to nap. My baby is 11 months and an absolute shit napper at home or buggy or car. She's been at nursery for 3 weeks and I feel a bit validated that they haven't yet got her to nap in a cot, only a buggy. I'm sure they will soon though. My older dd was also a shit napper at home but pretty soon napping like a champion at nursery. Magic.

The cook at our tiny nursery had a child who went there. She would eat everything at nursery, but at home she would not always eat the same food cooked to the same recipe by the same person.

Mine used to go to sleep as soon as he arrived at Nursery. Because he hated it and was sad and wanted it to be over sooner. I didn't keep him there for long.

My son loves the rountine of nursery and now school. The assistant used to love him as he reminded her that they needed snack time as he’d already be sitting down for it.

Yup, little mat on the floor, bit of music, out like a light

No chance at home

I know what you mean but no, I think it's just a case of them happy to go and do what the other children are doing.

I actually thought my child was wanting to drop naps but apparently he lines up at the door waiting to get in to the nap room! So he definitely enjoys it

Our 2 year old does not nap at nursery much to their dismay because that's when they do their staff lunch breaks. She's been there a month or so. They've tried. She refuses so they have to let her play while the other kids nap. She gave up naps at home about 6 months ago too 😬 We did tell them this and they still seemed confused when telling us she seemed very upset when they tried to take her to the sleep room 😂

They are burning energy all morning with lots of stimulation, they are in a set routine that starts from day one, plus every other child is doing it. Alot off our toddlers are sleepy by lunchtime and can't wait for their nap.

I don’t think it’s sad.

When both of mine were babies they were cuddled to sleep and they needed this at nursery too.

As toddlers, they would lay down to sleep fine at nursery. It was part routine, part copying the others and part tiredness from all the activity. At home it was harder as our routine wasn’t as structured, and they often dozed in the car if we went out.

I've worked in a nursery in toddlers and pre-school and I can tell you that some children act like feral wild beasts in nursery too at nap time!
I used to spend a looooooong time rubbing backs and listening to white noise and had to desperately try to keep my eyes open while some of the wriggly little toddlers refused to nap and others would throw their shoes around. Most of them managed to get off to sleep eventually but not many of them would simply lie down and go straight to sleep!

Yeah- didn't work that way for my toddler. Happily slept at home on his own in his own bed. At nursery, on a mat surrounded by other toddlers he could chat to- no chance. Eventually they had to put him in the next room with a colouring book or he kept everyone else awake too!

They copy others. Mine get their cuddlesand soft toys and they have the choice to sleep or read. They copy others. They relax in the company of other kids.

You are projecting.

What's the difference between your two options though?

I'm sure most parents would like to think they are doing your first option - freedom with firm boundaries/consistency. In reality, many won't have the firm boundaries and consistency, which will be a problem, and some may stray into too much control, your second option. But surely it's all just a matter of degree/opinion.

Parent A has a set bedtime for their child. Parent B puts their child to be when they seem tired. Who is in the wrong? Who is in the right? Or is there no right/wrong approach? Although obviously Part A's approach works better for nursery.

What if I told you that I have no set naptimes/bedtimes for my children? I don't have the fights you do over naptimes and bedtimes because we don't have any. Would that be too 'feral' for you?