Excluded from grandchildren's life

My mother does that with them! I’m afraid to admit I don’t reuse teabags or I could have justified my stash! We tried them as receptacles for painting water but it needed changing too often as they are shallow.

There is a pile on and that is typical of mumsnet. You are his parents so any concern for him clearly comes from a good place. There is a big difference in maturity of someone aged 20 compared to 30. I just wouldn't have questioned her motives for marrying and having children with him before you actually met her. It sounds like that is what you have done and your son has shared it with her. Of course you have a right to be concerned that your grandchildren are being taken to a country at active war but ultimately there isn't a lot you can do. Instead of trying to engineer a relationship with your grandchildren who are being held at arms length to you I would focus your energy on your own child. Your relationship with him isn't particularly good. I'd work on that instead. You are laying a lot of blame on your dil but your son could facilitate his children to have a relationship with you if he wanted to.

Agreed.

Never in mummies eyes. Her perfect chap is a right catch got all the ladies dropping at his feet after his cash obv.

Some harsh responses on this thread. I'd have shared your concerns, though really, what did you think would be the response when you voiced them?

A very difficult situation to pull back. In your position I would start by sending cards and presents for all the birthdays (and Christmas); including to your DIL, never ever expressing anything other than positivity towards/about the DIL ever again, and at some point, apologising unreservedly to your DS for your previous comments about his wife and expressing your sorrow and regret that this has led to the schism between you. Take full responsibility for having done the wrong thing. Life is short and precious. Don't get caught up in ideas of "being right".

It really doesn’t sound anything like this. He sounds perfectly happy free from the judgment of his over bearing mother.

I use them because they measure the right amount of cat biscuits.

Generally a bloke 10 years senior to a young girl chasing her would be seen as likely the dodgy one...

This is not the same as going to a country at war 😕

You disapproved of her, you disapproved of the relationship, you disapproved of her nationality, you disapproved of her decision to take her children to her home (the 12 hour train to Kyiv has sleeper carriages and can be quite luxurious), you’ve ‘voiced your (critical) opinion’ on a number of occasions. Have you worked out yet why she’s not interested in having a relationship with you, or encouraging your son to facilitate a relationship between you and their children? His first loyalty is to her and his family, not you. She, by the sounds of things, owes you nothing. The question you should be asking is, ‘What can I do to make this right?’

Third world? Ukraine is a European democracy. Your xenophobia is showing.

Many Ukranians living in the UK return home to visit family. I think calling Social Services would be the straw that broke the camel's back and OP's son would probably never forgive his mother and would cut her off entirely.

Who says he’s weak willed? This could be, in fact likely is given that he had distanced himself from
OP before he even met his wife, HIS will.

Not being controlled by his mother doesn’t mean he’s controlled by his wife.

It's interesting his brothers were not invited to his wedding either, and they rarely see him.

GramdmDEA
It wasn't a small wedding, all her family and friends, many of his colleagues and several of his friends from the UK travelled to go. His reason for not inviting us was "We might be judgemental of his choice". He told one of his brothers but didn't invite either of them.

Sorry, I too thought it might have been a quick and quiet wedding.

That* *must have been very sad for you.

I note you said, "We initially expressed some concern that this may be the case, it was from wanting protect DS rather than being prejudiced. When we were told we were wrong we apologised."

Good on you for apologising. Would you have openly shown misgivings about his choice? They seem to be staying the course and have two children.

Insufferable for what? Telling the truth? Unless you are going to say Australia is also in the midst of a war with Russia?

Are you the OP's best mate?

Where did you get 30hrs from? Even the OP said total travel time was 24hrs, and I'm really not placing a lot of faith in that estimate.

How is it selfish for a mother to take her children to their native country and see their grandparents and other family???

And "third world"????!!!

This is my use for them too.

Ops allowed to worry about their safety, ops not allowed to have 'some big fall outs' over the parents deciding that it's not too unsafe. Expressing concern would have been acceptable, arguing to the point of a big fall out, pushing it a bit, doing so repeatedly ( some big fall outs, so more than once) completely unacceptable.

It hasn't been "The" Ukraine since 1991.

@DoNOTShakeItOff

I think you'll find that Ukraine is not regarded a "third world country" and that the term "third world" is no longer in general use.

Haha I only have a couple now, I use them as used tea bag holders.

Pre wedding op had suggested that the Dil must be a gold digger because there was no other reason she'd have wanted to be with ops son. I think that's sufficient to merit not being invited to the wedding.

It's really simple @GrandmDEA - you judged them, and then they judged you.

Looks like they got the measure right. And I can see nothing in your attitude that gives me hope you're willing to change.

What's your relationship like with your other children/grandchildren?

Must be on a new profile 🤣

We were told we were wrong.. not we were wrong? You still belive it op