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Original poster

To feel slightly suspicious of dp

969 replies

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:36

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

OP posts:
Mrsknowitall · 27/09/2024 14:03

I knew someone who was having an affair and he would leave at 6.30am to see her

Seaweed42 · 27/09/2024 14:03

"we have a 1 year old"

Maybe he can't be arsed being there when the baby is awake?

So off down to Mummy who will make Diddums a breakfast, pat his little head and tell him what a great boy he is.

LegoTherapy · 27/09/2024 14:01

If it walks like a duck...

Skyrainlight · 27/09/2024 14:00

wwyt · 27/09/2024 13:35

Okay so I'm going to follow him tomorrow morning, my friend is going to pick us up as he doesn't know her new car.

She's my best friend and I've been telling her over the last few weeks how I find it strange he's been leaving so early in his own clothes and she agreed so she's offered to do this.

If he's not doing anything wrong and you do this and he finds out it could really cause problems in your relationship. If my husband followed me for doing nothing wrong I would lose trust big time.

CrumpledBankNote · 27/09/2024 13:59

I just cant envision a conversation where you're asking him what he's doing and he's saying that he's getting changed at his dads etc and it's just accepted as normal?

I would be like, hey? That literally makes no sense. So what are you ACTUALLY doing?

I would be hella suspicious.

Hopefully it's not what it looks like but I worked in an industry notorious for affairs and people were at it, 4am, lunchtime, 5pm you name it - if they want to they will.

PinkyFlamingo · 27/09/2024 13:51

Hope everything is ok but this isn't normal behaviour really, it's the sudden change I would find the most suspicious

Katbum · 27/09/2024 13:50

Can you not just ask him? I mean, something is obviously going on, but it isn't clear what. Unless he is paying for it, I doubt anyone is up for an affair conducted between the hours of 6.45 and 8.45 am...so it is something, but maybe not that. You could always ask to come along to see what's up, my DH would definitely prefer me to do that if I was suspicious.

Molly546 · 27/09/2024 13:48

I hope it's innocent OP.

MikeRafone · 27/09/2024 13:46

pinkleopardess · 27/09/2024 12:23

I would be very suspicious and would be slipping an AirTag into the car and seeing where he goes…

just let your iPhone slip under the seat in his car, then see where your phone ends up and go and pick it up..... as no-one likes to be without there phone

BanditsWife · 27/09/2024 13:45

Sorry, cross post. A good idea to follow him. I hope it’s innocent for you.

BanditsWife · 27/09/2024 13:44

I would wake the baby and follow him.

Between this new routine and the fact that he essentially has a little family with his parents and your baby without you, I’d feel very nervous. If the situation was left that his mum never apologised and your relationship with the parents ended, why did he accept that? Why does he still speak to his mum if she was so rude to the mother of his child? He does not sound very loyal, which doesn’t bode well given the new routine and, I’m sorry to say, the reduction in sex. It also sounds like he’s complaining about the quality of the sex you do have.

I wasn’t very worried by your op, but reading the whole thread it sounds like a really concerning situation.

Chowtime · 27/09/2024 13:41

wwyt · 27/09/2024 13:35

Okay so I'm going to follow him tomorrow morning, my friend is going to pick us up as he doesn't know her new car.

She's my best friend and I've been telling her over the last few weeks how I find it strange he's been leaving so early in his own clothes and she agreed so she's offered to do this.

How will you manage to sneak out of your house with the baby and into your friends car ready to follow your dp without him noticing?

whatnowgromit · 27/09/2024 13:41

Come back and tell us OP, we're all curious about this now! Really hope you follow him to his parents and there's nothing going on.

Nicebloomers · 27/09/2024 13:38

Good luck! Sounds like you’ve got a brilliant bestie there.

pinkleopardess · 27/09/2024 13:37

wwyt · 27/09/2024 13:35

Okay so I'm going to follow him tomorrow morning, my friend is going to pick us up as he doesn't know her new car.

She's my best friend and I've been telling her over the last few weeks how I find it strange he's been leaving so early in his own clothes and she agreed so she's offered to do this.

Crossing everything for you OP that he’s just going to his parents house 🤞🤞🤞

MadeForThis · 27/09/2024 13:37

Does he complain about having to get up early to collect his DF?

Seems like someone who loves to lie in would complain.

DogInATent · 27/09/2024 13:36

It's less than 2hrs at dark o'clock in the morning.

Are you sure he's not just joined a gym and working out an hour before work, getting into his work clothes there?

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 13:35

Okay so I'm going to follow him tomorrow morning, my friend is going to pick us up as he doesn't know her new car.

She's my best friend and I've been telling her over the last few weeks how I find it strange he's been leaving so early in his own clothes and she agreed so she's offered to do this.

OP posts:
WizardOfAus · 27/09/2024 13:32

Just follow him?!??!

wake up the baby early and go out after him in your own car

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 13:30

Pablosdog · 27/09/2024 13:28

What does he say when you ask why he’s getting up so much earlier? It’s all very bizarre. I find the addition of the watch, which he can’t wear at work, very odd.

So he can collect his dad, pull on his work clothes and go....

His dad is never in a rush to get to work he has employees opening the work place , and he's easy going about dp getting to work too there's never a "rush"

OP posts:
Pablosdog · 27/09/2024 13:28

What does he say when you ask why he’s getting up so much earlier? It’s all very bizarre. I find the addition of the watch, which he can’t wear at work, very odd.

FerienInLipizza · 27/09/2024 13:28

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:53

Yes!!! My sex drive isn't as high as it used to be.

The other night he brought it up to me and said we don't have much sex anymore but also added "it doesn't mean I'll find someone else to do it with I just wish we done it more often" and I said "I'm always tired" which I am. I'm anemic and have folic acid deficiency 🤣. And his reply was "i don't know how you're tired when we have sex you just lay there" meaning he's always on top. We average to have sex 1-3 times a week. Which is okay but it used to be 5/6 times a week before baby obviously.

I'm very stubborn and ever since he said that the other night I made sure he had no complaints about our sex. I've been on top every time since.

Show quote history

Everything he said to you here is either a red flag or nasty shit.

Are you sure you want to stay with this empathetic prince ?

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 13:27

I would nearly be 100000% sure he's still working at his dads business. He's always loved it. He comes back dirty like he always did.

Also some nights his eyes be in pain with welding at work.

OP posts:
pinkleopardess · 27/09/2024 13:24

Are you absolutely sure he doesn’t have a different job and is too ashamed to tell you, and is wearing the uniform afterwards to keep up the sham? Because it’s either that or he’s having an affair or seeing sex workers.

PuddlesPityParty · 27/09/2024 13:20

Snap maps is less dodgy than a bloody air tag or tracker 🙄 maybe suggest sharing locations for safety or something? It’s not something I do but I know of a couple where the woman always checks on where her partner is and is quick to text to ask why he’s at XYZ 😳 I think coming to mumsnet is always silly for things like this because the view is biased. Ask on Reddit or something as well.