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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel slightly suspicious of dp

969 replies

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:36

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 27/09/2024 16:14

I hope its all innocent too. Its really odd how he doesn't leave the house in his work clothes if he's changing into them at his parents.

S0CKPUPPET · 27/09/2024 16:12

So if he leaves for “ work “ in his regular clothes and his £400 watch and comes home in his work uniform / overalls , where does he leave his everyday clothes and jewellery ? If he does this for 6 days a week every week he will soon have no clothes left at home.

I don’t understand why his eyes are sore from welding , doesn’t he wear PPE (flame retardant fabrics ) , boots and a face shield ?

How do his work clothes get back to work each day ?

This doesn’t make sense.

Aintthatso · 27/09/2024 16:11

It’s all very odd. It’s good you have a plan to find out where he is going.

mumof4kids1dog · 27/09/2024 16:05

commenting so I can see what happens tomorrow, really hope it’s nothing bad

ginasevern · 27/09/2024 16:02

So he wears his regular clothes when he leaves and says he'll change into work gear at his parents? That's reallly strange given that he's never done it before and also that his parents only live 5 minutes away. I mean, what's the point of getting changed twice in the space of half an hour? Does he bring the regular clothes home with him - all of them? Does he take a bag with him in the morning - have you checked its contents? Obvious question, have you checked his phone?

theemmadilemma · 27/09/2024 15:53

5128gap · 27/09/2024 11:40

No. Because its such a poor cover for being up to no good. Unless you aren't on speaking terms with his parents, it would be so easy for him to be caught out if it was a lie, I doubt anyone with any sense would do it. If he were up to some early morning misdemeanour then it would make more sense to claim to be jogging or at the gym than bring other people into it.

It's sweet you believe that parents wouldn't cover for their cheating son. Wrong, but sweet.

FrauleinGreen · 27/09/2024 15:52

readyeddy · 27/09/2024 14:43

Does he still have a bedroom at his parents house?
Could he be watching porn or online chats?

I was wondering if he told his parents he had moved back home, but perhaps they would notice.
Sadly you will have to get up and follow him to see what he is doing

Justice4Friend · 27/09/2024 15:51

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:47

A few weeks back he was extremely irritable we were having arguments everyday and now he's quite affectionate , 0 arguments. I don't notice anything else. When he leaves in the morning in his normal clothes he makes sure to put on his £400 watch that I bought him he loves it. But he can't wear this at work due to the nature of his job so I have questioned this in my head too.

If he leaves within 10 minutes of waking up does he even bother to brush his teeth and shower? If not only a desperate woman will be having an affair with him.

Conniebygaslight · 27/09/2024 15:35

Hope you get an answer OP.

blackpooolrock · 27/09/2024 15:33

Is he maybe learning to do something like dance or play an instrument as a surprise and he's going for some kind of lessons in the morning?

very strange behviour though...

AltitudeCheck · 27/09/2024 15:21

Definately suspicious.... Probably not an affair (I agree it would be a really crap deal to only get an hour at 7am and also I think he'd be showering in the morning as well if that was the case)... but maybe seeing an escort or has a male hook up situation?

Or he's going somewhere for coffee/ breakfast and fancies someone there and hopes the expensive watch / excess of spray will catch their attention?

DogInATent · 27/09/2024 15:15

wwyt · 27/09/2024 14:36

I have a weird feeling that he is seeing someone who lives in his parents street. And he parks his car at there house so if his car was ever seen then he could just say he was at his parents.

He knows all of the neighbours. He grew up there as a child and he's really friendly with all of them. A lot of young mum neighbours in the street.

I don't know, maybe I'm reaching now.

So how does he explain to his parents the car being parked up outside their house/on their street 2hrs early every morning? Unless you assume that they're complicit.

HealthyMindChange · 27/09/2024 15:11

wwyt · 27/09/2024 14:34

He can never seem to see his mum or dad do no wrong, their his world. he is like a mummy's boy.......

It’s such a shame when people dismiss their partner’s concerns. I would be furious if my mum criticised my husband’s weight and so would he if mil called me overweight.

supafish · 27/09/2024 15:11

All sounds suspicious , what a brilliant friend you've got there !!

spilltheteapot · 27/09/2024 15:10

My initial thoughts:

  1. Affair
  2. For some reason he’s told his parents you’ve split up
  3. He’s got another job that he’s doing before his job with his dad. This would be to help fund: gambling, drugs, paying off a loan for secret shopping, paying for a secret child somewhere.
  4. He has another child that he’s doing a morning routine with.

Sorry you’re going through this, it’s worrying for you. Keep us updated please!

BabyOwlinthePlumeria · 27/09/2024 15:07

Turn the driving history setting and location on on your phone and leave it with the volume off hidden in his car

TheBeesKnee · 27/09/2024 15:05

Put a tracking device on his car and you'll have your answer.

Incakewetrust · 27/09/2024 15:02

How do you intend to follow him? Surely he'll see you running out of the house and straight into a car as soon as he sets off? If you leave it a while after he leaves, he could be anywhere.
As awful as it is, I'd suggest a tracker

NetflixAndKill · 27/09/2024 15:01

Your instincts are powerful. Don’t dismiss them. I like that you have a friend that has your back. I hope this turns out to be nothing 🤞🏼💕

Inertia · 27/09/2024 14:59

Does your friend have a cover story prepared in case he does recognise her ? Any houses for sale that she might be checking out?

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 27/09/2024 14:58

You've got a great friend OP.

PosiePetal · 27/09/2024 14:57

Yes, that’s suspicious. An affair is definitely a strong possibility. Unaccounted for time spent away from home, my exH did it. Sorry.

13Ghosts · 27/09/2024 14:55

@wwyt 7am isn't so weird to have an affair. We weren't having an affair but a relationship, he worked nights so came to my house when he finished work so we could see each other every day otherwise we would have only really seen each other at weekends.
If he's seeing someone they could work nightshifts or their partner leaves at 6am if they are having an affair too.

Hope he doesn't recognise your friend's car and you do find out what he's doing.

TokyoSushi · 27/09/2024 14:55

Well something is going on, it's weird that he has made such an obvious change though...

NoTouch · 27/09/2024 14:55

I bet his mummy is making him a lovely cooked breakfast every morning 😂

You will be able to tell when his waistline starts expanding.

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