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AIBU?

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To feel slightly suspicious of dp

969 replies

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:36

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 28/09/2024 14:20

@EI12 - your strangely controlling habits aside, I have no idea what you mean when you say this about your children:
"But I also give dc the option of not telling me where they are going, so if they don't want to be checked on, not tell me what they are up to, so I won't be able to check. This is done by me to make their lying unprofitable."

Apologies to @wwyt for the derailment, I'm just curious.

Strictlymad · 28/09/2024 14:16

What sort of work place is it? Could a customer pop in?

Terrribletwos · 28/09/2024 14:13

Distanceinvolved · 28/09/2024 10:34

Would they recognise your friends voice? Can she call the workplace and ask to speak to your partner?

It sounds like he just likes spending more time at his parents than with you. Why is this? Does he feel under pressure or is that he's moving away from you? This could be influence from his parents?

ALifeofChaos · 28/09/2024 14:08

I honestly would resist the urge to raise further suspicion though OP.

Like others have said, could be the OW has seen this.

curtaintwitcher78 · 28/09/2024 14:08

ALifeofChaos · 28/09/2024 14:07

Ha ha, I googled it and was just about to say what an idiot I am! Up at 4am and shattered.

I wish it was 🤣

ALifeofChaos · 28/09/2024 14:07

curtaintwitcher78 · 28/09/2024 14:04

It's not live

Ha ha, I googled it and was just about to say what an idiot I am! Up at 4am and shattered.

curtaintwitcher78 · 28/09/2024 14:04

ALifeofChaos · 28/09/2024 14:02

Excellent suggestion by @JudgieJudie - Google Earth is live, isn't it? So no need to get up at the crack of dawn. Do whatever you can not to rouse further suspicion so you can have concrete evidence on Monday. Stalk him with Google Earth instead!

It's not live

ALifeofChaos · 28/09/2024 14:02

Excellent suggestion by @JudgieJudie - Google Earth is live, isn't it? So no need to get up at the crack of dawn. Do whatever you can not to rouse further suspicion so you can have concrete evidence on Monday. Stalk him with Google Earth instead!

JudgieJudie · 28/09/2024 13:59

Week01 · 27/09/2024 12:11

Have you said to him...how come you're leaving at 6:45 when you don't start work til 9 or 10? Could he be wanting to get to theirs of a morning for some breakfast/cuppa with his parents?

I came here to say this. Also, where are his clean clothes - the ones he wore to pick up dad?

  1. Ask him what he's doing and make it clear that its suspicious
  2. Cherchez La Femme
  3. Track his car on Google maps
  4. Follow him or drive past work to see where car is

When do you go to work in the morning after he leaves?

mindutopia · 28/09/2024 13:50

Does he drive otherwise? Is it possible he’s had his license suspended and shouldn’t be driving? So instead he’s leaving pre-rush hour to drive to parents and dad is covering him by driving them both, and then he just does the quick trip in reverse at the end of the day to avoid getting caught, especially if there are smart cameras or something on the way.

Ariela · 28/09/2024 13:48

I'd head to work with something nice for lunch 'because you're worried he's not eating enough as he always comes home hungry' So....set off with the goodies, and park near/outside his work say about 10am ish, THEN ring him and say you're taking baby to (whatever reason) and you've made him a nice lunch and are dropping his lunch in on the way. Then watch him arrive, flustered, same time as you.

ClickClickety · 28/09/2024 13:41

Sorry to say I think the most likely reason is he's sneaking off to meet a woman.

Leaving earlier today is interesting. Is it possible he has been reading your messages to your friend? Does he have access to your phone? Perhaps he or OW have seen this thread.

FerienInLipizza · 28/09/2024 13:31

Ketryne · 28/09/2024 13:13

So sorry this is happening OP. Really hope you get to the bottom of it.

Just want to say to all those people recommending AirTags - definitely don't do this.

We had one in our dog's harness registered to my DH's phone and every time I took the dog out I got warning notifications telling me an AirTag was moving with me. He'd know in an instant.

It doesn't have to be an Air Tag. Other trackers are available.

FerienInLipizza · 28/09/2024 13:30

Do you think he has seen this thread OP?

It's weird that the one day your mate is tracking him and he's ahead of schedule on that one day.

pinkyredrose · 28/09/2024 13:21

wwyt · 28/09/2024 10:32

Update:

I rung dp he says he's at work. We rung the workplace his father answered.

Well, this is painful

What did his dad say, did he say DP was at work?

TroysMammy · 28/09/2024 13:20

I wouldn't be telling the friend anymore information. She could be the one picking him up from his parked car in the mornings. Perhaps that is why he was earlier today. Did the friend just tell OP his car was outside his parents or was there up to date photographic proof? It could be an old photo though.friend

Why doesn't OP just ask him why he is going out so early but not starting work until much later and watch his reaction when asked. Actions speak louder than words.

Ketryne · 28/09/2024 13:13

So sorry this is happening OP. Really hope you get to the bottom of it.

Just want to say to all those people recommending AirTags - definitely don't do this.

We had one in our dog's harness registered to my DH's phone and every time I took the dog out I got warning notifications telling me an AirTag was moving with me. He'd know in an instant.

Abigaillovesholidays · 28/09/2024 13:12

I'm so sorry OP, but I just can't stop thinking how is your baby waking up at 10am? What time do they go to sleep? What magical powers do you have????

Distanceinvolved · 28/09/2024 13:07

Lucyccfc68 · 28/09/2024 13:03

I’m surprised your DH agreed to marry you!

If a bloke said that they would be doing random checks on me, I’d be running a mile. That is so controlling.

It’s not only controlling. It’s also pointless. She’s just given him a heads up to use countermeasures and he’ll always be on his guard if he’s having an affair and she’ll never find anything out!

Lucyccfc68 · 28/09/2024 13:03

EI12 · 28/09/2024 11:44

Before I got married, I told him I shall always be suspicious, that there will be random checks and he might be occasionally followed (not by me). I warned him in advance. I tell the same my dc - that if they say they will be with XXXX in YYY doing ZZZZ, they might be checked. But I also give dc the option of not telling me where they are going, so if they don't want to be checked on, not tell me what they are up to, so I won't be able to check. This is done by me to make their lying unprofitable. I think it is best not to trust anyone, including your nearest, and then be pleasantly surprised if you are proven wrong in big or small things.

I’m surprised your DH agreed to marry you!

If a bloke said that they would be doing random checks on me, I’d be running a mile. That is so controlling.

viques · 28/09/2024 13:00

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:40

❗️ not a job change , his dads business is very much still going , dp comes home with his work clothes on and very dirty from his job !

So what happens to the clothes he “puts on at home before he goes to his parents to change into his work clothes” ?

starfishmummy · 28/09/2024 12:51

AngelicKaty · 28/09/2024 11:45

Absolutely. @starfishmummy seems incapable of dealing with the facts as presented and is letting her imagination run riot. As if OP doesn't have enough to deal with, without someone on MN trying to implicate a friend she clearly trusts (and presumably has no reason not to!). Sigh. 🙄

So him leaving even earlier than usual on the one day the friend is due to follow him is just coincidence?

He has got wind of this somehow either from the OP or her friend.

Doggymummar · 28/09/2024 12:50

How can you live like this?

harrumphh · 28/09/2024 12:41

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:53

Yes!!! My sex drive isn't as high as it used to be.

The other night he brought it up to me and said we don't have much sex anymore but also added "it doesn't mean I'll find someone else to do it with I just wish we done it more often" and I said "I'm always tired" which I am. I'm anemic and have folic acid deficiency 🤣. And his reply was "i don't know how you're tired when we have sex you just lay there" meaning he's always on top. We average to have sex 1-3 times a week. Which is okay but it used to be 5/6 times a week before baby obviously.

I'm very stubborn and ever since he said that the other night I made sure he had no complaints about our sex. I've been on top every time since.

Okay based on that I think he has a sex addiction.

rustyspoon45 · 28/09/2024 12:39

Ring the workplace back and ask his father if you can speak to him. Make out it's an emergency or something. If he isn't there then you'll have caught him in a lie and then you can start demanding answers.

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