To feel slightly suspicious of dp

If he's gaslighted you so far there's no point confronting him as he'll only continue to deny it. It's probably best to try get some more evidence.
He's clearly lying from his reaction to being seen with another woman in the car affair or not. So lying about something.

I wonder if you go away for a night or weekend with your baby and friend and get your SIL or someone you trust to pop by your house to see if he's got someone over? I don't know if that's too far but something needs to be done to find some solid evidence.

I think you should follow him
Again (get a friend too) but maybe the whole day something is a miss!

OR plant a recording tracking device in his car .. air tag?

You deserve to know what's going on- I hope it is something innocent but the not knowing I'm sure is driving you nuts!

Don’t say anything yet OP, if you can. Keep digging. Your friend needs to follow him again.

Does his mother have a bob haircut?

If it was me, I would want to prove to myself he is lying before I challenge him. I think we all agree his behaviour is weird.

I would get someone to trail him on a couple of different days and hang around to see him go into his parents house, where he goes when he comes out etc.

If things are not as he says, I would not mention the outcome to him.

I would later sit him down and tell him he is behaving strangely and ask him to explain why he is now leaving so early yet not taking his Dad to work until 10am? Ask him what he does when he gets to him parents and when he tells you, ask if that was the same on X date (the date he was followed and you know what he did - see if he lies about it.

If you tell him first what was observed, he will come up with some excuse.

It’s got to be his mother surely.

If it is an affair and he’s getting up to sneak in an early morning shag, why is he driving this ‘elderly’ woman around?

Op could you possibly say tonight while cooking dinner or playing with baby, no eye contact tho, hay am going to get a jog in tomorrow leave at 7 be back for 8am for you to go to fil to collect him for work, your using valuable 'me' time while babies asleep 😉, as you dont get a minute otherwise, remember no eye contact, no asking can you , just saying that's what your doing and need him home till you return, see his reaction, go and sit in macdonalds with a coffee if needs be, good luck op, play him at his own game,

I think you’re saying too much already. Play dumb.

I doubt she’s 50s if your sis said she looks elderly, most people don’t look elderly until well into their 70s. Does your sis know what your MIL looks like?

I would definitely be continuing to snoop to get to the bottom of it.

😬

This is quite a mystery! I am very invested now.

Definitely 💯

@Calliopespa

when you say it like that it makes it more likely !

whats not to like, if you are a single fit 50 year old ? A decent shag, no ED issues or middle aged man blathering on to you afterwards, just delivers the goods then pisses off. Perfect.

am happily married or would def take that if it was on offer.

I guess the “ if I wanted to” wording is key here though.

While it obviously isn’t unheard of, the chances of it being that do lessen simply because I don’t think the pool of 50 year old women wanting to pull a much younger man who is married and can only see her for a perfunctory shag before work is all that large. Surely by that age women - if they can even be bothered with a married man fullstop - want to be properly wined and dined at a minimum.

If that’s what is going on , I think it’s more likely she’s a sex worker.

I love this 👌

Sorry for the detail but I am 50 and quite fit and could def pull a much younger man if I wanted to. Not sure the age of the woman should mean it’s all above board….

If I was the mate I’d be hell bent on watching where he goes again. I’d need bloody answers and this guy isn’t going to give them - he’s already been questioned, he’s going to get tighter.

Ask him of course. Demand answers. Stop all this skulking about trying to catch him. He will be covering his tracks now. Just tell him you know he's lying and unless he tells you what's going on you're leaving. Or he is.

Why is it on threads like this that the default phone brand is always assumed to be Apple?

And you need to be careful op because no one likes a snoop. I’m not AT ALL saying you are wrong to try to get to the bottom of it, but half hearted and ineffectual forays are going to provide fodder to create a narrative that “ oh op is always neurotic and snooping about” that will make it harder for you to occupy the moral high ground and cut through the crap when you do start to get to the bottom of it. Remember liars and gaslighters start to convince even themselves it is you who is in the wrong somehow.

The baby sleeping is an excuse you are hiding behind to delay the truth. As another poster said, have baby looked after, go with another friend and see with your own eyes what is going on. Follow him yourself ( with support). He’s not going to tell you, if people like your Dsis find out anything he denies it and I think tracking his car won’t tell you anything if, as it seems, whatever he is doing involves parking at his parents place. You need to watch and see who goes in/ comes out etc.

Move his car keys to a different place every night. Gaslight him.

@wwyt does he bring the clothes he left in (and his watch) home every night? I’m assuming he does? If so, give them a sniff, see if they smell weird like another persons house or perfume.