To wonder how to not let people provoke you?

do you “loathe” many people @PuppiesProzacProsecco ?

what a waste of time and energy

Yeah I don’t like that, it’s a bit gaslight-y.

when you say you want some advice re how to “manage your reactions”

what are your “reactions” generally?

It can be different situation to situation, but generally not caring what someone thinks does help. Obviously I care what some people think - but they're not the ones behaving like idiots to begin with. If someone is trying to get a rise out of me, they plummet in my estimations of them so it makes it easier not to give a shit.

Shrug. "Okay." Nonplussed look. Carry on with what you're doing.

Or "you feeling okay today, Brenda?"

"Sorry, I don't know what you mean. Can you explain?" In which scenario they'll probably dig themselves deeper, so then comes the shrugging and "okay".

Just don't engage. No point making your day shit just because they've decided it should be.

Leave. Most couples irritate one another sometimes and that can be worked through, but why would you want to be with someone who deliberately winds you up for his own entertainment?

Walk away. Don't engage. It's better for your peace of mind.
That's why there's all these stabbings etc it's basically uncontrolled anger.

I tell my children to think about what people are trying to achieve. Life is like a chess game, think about what a person is doing and what their objectives are. If they are trying to manoeuvre you then the worst thing you can do is react in the way they want you to.

One of my friends will say things deliberately to provoke and, as I care what she thinks of me, it can wind me up/unsettle me a bit in the first instance. I sometimes deal with it by bland agreement ("Yeah you've probably got a point" or just "ok then") & sometimes by grey rocking. It comes from her stuff not mine.

What is it that they say that bothers you then look at what it’s triggering in you. Then tackle the thing it triggers. Best it not to rise to it, acknowledge the feeling. Walk away. The more often you do this eventually it won’t bother you in the same way.

Best advice so far!

Practice on mumsnet.
I've learnt not to bite quite well on here....

Well if that's your objective, I guess that's working for you, dear.

I've found being dead inside to be hugely beneficial to not allowing other people's shit to get to me.

@Marinade why thank you darling, I do so love to go against the grain and provide people with someone to talk about 😘

What an unusual and incongruous way to live one's life.

I take it as a compliment that the person is TRYING to wind me up. It shows me that they care about what I am doing so much they have invested in trying to bug me. I see it as them giving me power.

Ah.

What does he get from inducing a reaction from you? Once you've worked that out you'll be clearer on how to stop this.

Eg if he's tying you up with verbal trickery and taking your energy in that direction, what does he want to divert you from? If you're constantly confused and baffled by him, you're not thinking about what the relationship brings to you, you haven't got time.

Other more eloquent posters will be along to help you I am sure.

If someone is shouting at you at work just say " I will give you time to calm down " and walk away .

If someone is rude "what do you mean . I don't understand ? " It makes them repeat themselves and usually takes the wind out of their sales and or fake ignorance . " I don't know what you mean "
Is a good answer and keep repeating it if they try to be rude again .

If someone brings something up something embarrassing about your past or childhood then " I think you have me mixed up
With someone else , sorry not me " and keep denying.

Someone you know is rude to you in public , shouts at you , then just ignore them , keep moving or look around to see who they are talking to 😂

Or a simple "Excuse me do I know you ?" If you can't get away immediately. I did this years ago to a boy I knew who announced on a bus that I was a Slag . It took the wind out of his sails and made HIM look like a fool .

It doesn’t sound very nice, but you need to muster a sense of superiority, to some extent. “Rise above it”. If a toddler screamed at you, you wouldn’t take it to heart would you? You would maybe empathise they they are feeling tired and grouchy and not give what they said a second thought. Same with mean/ angry people. “Graham must be having a bad day, huh. I must’ve pushed his buttons. I’ll give him space to calm down.” It’s attributing what they do or say as being more about them than about you.

Obviously if they are justified in what they say, you may need to reflect on that.

I always think on terms of 'do the opposite to what they want'. If they want you to be angry, be calm, if they want you to be uncomfortable/embarrassed then answer them frankly and then they'll be the ones feeling uncomfortable. If they want you to look silly, give a bland answer or walk away, then they will look silly and so on.

I used to be a very reactive person who cried a lot as a kid, then I realised people would try to make my cry so I decided I wouldn't give them what they wanted.

The best way to infuriate them is to simply not care and not give them the reaction they are after.

Anyone got any tips if it’s your partner/ husband?!

If you have an Instagram/Fcebook account have a look at Jefferson Fishers account.

I think the most important thing is to not get emotionally invested in what other people think. There must be millions and millions of people this very moment coming out with the most awful tripe. It's not up to you or me to tutor them all in the ways of righteousness. If they want to think a load of bollocks, that's their problem!

When people get outright insulting and rude, killing them with kindness works. Also, try and see the motive behind their comments. Do they really mean their insults or are they just acting out to get a reaction? Are they really stressed and upset? Do they have really low social intelligence? That kind of thing. It can help you intellectualise it and thereby stay impassive.

Although I must say, it's much better mentally to avoid people like that altogether. Some people are poisonous.