To be ashamed that I used to look up to 'Supernanny'

Mine was a bit like this too! The naughty step evolved into being sent to his bedroom. So he'd hurumph off upstairs to calm down! We didn't need to say a word!!!!

Well she’s worth a good few million these days….much of that coming from SM these days…..so not that thick maybe

That is absolutely true; however, 20 years ago it was revolutionary to see a structured alternative to smacking on TV.

When I was pregnant with DS and when he was a baby, I had multiple comments about how if I didn’t intend to smack he would not just run riot but literally be injured eg if I didn’t smack the baby for going too near the heater, he would just have to get burnt. These comments were from well-meaning people who genuinely thought smacking was essential to child-raising.

It was a relief to see an alternative that wasn’t purely permissive and also had limits eg the one minute per year of age, not continuing to punish the upset feelings. I think she did a lot of good providing parents like me with “permission”, so to speak, not to smack.

Some people absolutely use it as a shaming, banishing punishment.

This thread just reminded me of something funny, we had a naughty corner in our house with DS1. He couldn't sit on a step so it made sense that he could roll around while having a little time out. When we went to a nearby play centre he asked me if they had a naughty corner too and I randomly pointed to a spot. Not long after I couldn't see him and was starting to panic til I saw him hanging out in the 'naughty corner', apparently he had run up a slide knowing this wasnt allowed so gave himself a little timeout 😃

TBH I can't remember as by then it wasn't often an issue. And it is 25 years ago!

It’s quite an unusual reaction though. It’s not intended to shame - it’s time out to calm down and reflect on why she’s been asked to sit there. It’s not like making someone wear a dunce’s hat. She might have cried at other forms of punishment too. My kids have time out at their school and at home too. It’s not scarred them.
How did you manage bad behaviour after you gave up on the chair?

I just wanted her to calm down, I didn't want her to be completely broken and in tears of shame!

you make it sound like you hit her with a belt. Sounds like it worked fairly well.

I used the ' naughty step' and found it a useful tool. However it has to be used sparingly otherwise it loses its effect. It gave ds a chance to calm down by himself. I agree that it has the potential to be abused.

I used "naughty chair" once and once only when DD was about 4.

At the time I was working 4 days so DD spent 2 days with a child minder and 2 days in nursery.

She was generally a good kid but could have her moments. One Saturday morning she was being an absolute little so and so. In the end I was so exasperated with her I got her little play chair, put it facing the wall and told her she would sit there until she calmed down.

I was half expecting she would defy me and jump up. Instead I noticed about a minute later that she was sitting there, head bowed, shoulders shaking and silently crying. Of course I got her off the chair straight away and gave her a cuddle and we talked until she calmed down.

I later realised that her CM used the naughty chair. DD had never been required to sit in it but sone of the boisterous little boys who went there had. I think DD was so shocked to find herself in that position that it stopped her in her tracks. I never did it again though.

While I don't agree with SN's methods, it was the parents that contacted the show to get help with the children so I don't understand them acting like the children aren't badly behaved and they are perfectly capable of controlling them themselves.
My husband loves watching that show where Gordon Ramsay goes to awful restaurants to make them better and it drives me insane how they act like they don't need him like they were not the ones who applied to go on the show 🙄

I don’t see why it’s such a big shocker that the producers told the kids to ham up the behaviour. I’m guessing there were issues if the family had contacted SN in the first place. Also the fact that you have raised other children means little in terms of your parenting ability. She had to get it in that SN has no children of her own. No but she has worked with thousands of kids and knows what she is talking about. There are parents of multiple children who raise absolute dregs of society (although she notes “they turned out fine”). People keep going on about how behaviour is so bad in schools but woe betide anyone tries to do anything about it.
Also an alcoholic is always a shit parent imo.

I'm always a bit lost about why Super Nanny is controversial! My kids are well behaved generally but sometimes you need to be firm.

😂 I did not know people could see this. Brilliant!

Absolutely, Buttons. Permissive parenting is just as ineffective/damaging as authoritarian parenting.

I'm not keen on 'gentle' as a term for parenting, it's just treating children with respect and trying to be fair and just, in my view, rather than bully and manipulate them. I mean, being loving should be a given for all parents, surely?!

Parenting advice comes and goes, and ultimately the vast majority of us end up perfectly fine whatever method our parents subscribed to. There’s yet to be an entire generation of human beings incapable of loving a successful adult life because of how they were parented. In a couple of decades, all the stuff parents and childcare workers are being taught now will be out of the window and your own children will think of it as terribly old fashioned and very possibly totally wrong when they come to parent your grandchildren.

I watched super nanny growing up and thought is was great entertainment. It likely shaped my views about parenting. (With hindsight probably ethically and morally not right though)

When I had my children (age 7 and 3 now) I was introduced to the whole gentle parenting concept which I believe is wonderful in terms of age appropriate consequences, giving some agency, teaching responsibility etc. The problem is the vast majority of parents, in my experience, are trying to be ‘gentle’ but are actually permissive. Their kids have no boundaries, they’re never told no, there’s too much negotiation, they are feral! I had 4 of my son’s friends over for birthday tea (age 6/7). I had to ask them not to scream (not excited screams or loudness, literal random shrieks whilst sat at the table), not to throw food, to leave some food for others to have rather than putting 8 oreos on their plate, not to climb on furniture. Basic manners and respect have gone out of the window. My son says his friends think I am strict. I have explained to him that I am guiding him to be respectful which is essential for life - and that it is my job as a parent to do so. My kids aren’t perfect by any means (no children are!) but I’d be mortified if they behaved like I’ve seen some others do, but seemingly their parents are oblivious or not strong enough to do anything about it and actually parent (SEN and other difficulties aside - to these parents, I salute you!)

On the subject to reality TV, My teenager has got me into Dance Moms. I feel like I am watching child abuse. That teacher is just such a nasty bully. I can’t believe parents subjected the kids to the toxicity of both the teacher and the mums.
Things were awful as recent as ten years ago.

Removing from a situation is fine, as is communicating clear rules/boundaries 'we don't hit', but the next step if one wants to actually help a child learn and grow is to chat and listen and coach, not 'punish'.

Perfectly put.
Changing your mind is normal, and healthy.

Just out of interest, what is a better method?

You don't need to label it the 'naughty step ' to the child. It was just 'mummy has put you here because you hit your sister. You will have time out until I come and get you '.

I don't see how that is cruel?

I think she had some valid points on how to speak to toddlers. I see a huge number of parents giving huge explanations about abstract things like feelings to two year olds who look bewildered. I know someone will be along to tell me this isn't how gentle parenting should work but I suspect I am not alone in witnessing this so it clearly isn't understood well if that's not the aim.

I liked the speed of timeout. Bad behaviour acknowledged but over and done with and made up with cuddles. Back to playing.

I saw a woman spend the whole hour we were eating out trying to explain to a small child that of course he could have the strawberry his brother had already chewed but it would be better to choose another one. Why not 'this one is dirty which if these would you like?'

Instead it was 'i know you are upset about not being able to have this one'...and on....and on.......

Manipulative, performative abuse of children for viewing figures. Horrible idea altogether.

Like I said, producers possibly made the wrong choice but they are under pressure to deliver a formatted show and by the time filming happens, there is a lot of investment in a particular story. It’s not easy to dump it and move on. Getting people to fake a reaction is unacceptable, though, and would not be considered good practice these days. Of course, you could have extricated yourself from the deception at any time. Why didn’t you?

‘Reality’ TV is a catch all title for tv with real people (not actors) in it. It’s not a good title because it makes the average person believe it’s documentary, when it’s produced more heavily. Nothing wrong with that, as storytelling is an art that requires careful choice of components, whether that is words or images, but it does mean people feel duped when the ‘reality’ is uncovered. Sorry you feel aggrieved - no one should come out of a filming situation feeling anything other than glad to have been a part of it.

There is a lot of subdivision included formatted (like SN, Secret Millionaire etc), constructed reality (TOWIE, MIC), whatever the fuck Love Island falls under (shame tv?). Some are more real than others, which is why I personally hate the term ‘reality tv’. It’s not used much in the industry, just the gen pop.

I would say that there has been a lot of really dodgy stuff in the past that wouldn’t be accepted now. Bear Grylls’ producers shipping in ‘wild’ horses from the nearest farm, dressing in a bear suit etc.

But most producers don’t have contempt for their contributors, you’re dead wrong there.

I don’t work in reality tv, but until recently worked in a technical field that brought me in close contact with crews for long periods.

I didn't think she had a speech impediment.

I thought it was her dialect.

I agree.

My grandparents used to have a curtain over the telly and put it on on Saturday for Grandstand and maybe the Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club of an evening and that was it. They had the radio a bit but that was all.

They were relaxed, serene and interesting individuals with lots of projects going on. Making things in sheds, gardening and visiting their neighbours.

I would love to have what they had. If they needed to know anything, the bread man, the butcher, the rent man or the milk man would tell them.

Lovely.