Dh always prioritising our son

So he as the man gets to decide how to spend the money. While you as the woman and mother, need to implement his decisions but cannot make your own.

He sounds utterly charming.

He is failing his DS by not giving him a good grounding, teaching him respect for everyone or giving good boundaries on behaviour.

He is failing his DDs by making unfair demands on their behaviours, reinforcing gender stereotypes rather than allowing individual interests to develop, and not developing the same relationships or show them that their efforts are worth as much as a boys efforts.

He is abusing you by controlling your access to money and ability to make and act on decisions, undermining your views about your joint DCs, and making your job harder because of the lack of expectations and greater expectations of different DCs as well as not giving your DS proper boundaries on behaviour and stoning resentment between the DCs. He is also possibly setting up a dynamic where he is failing your relationship with DS as you have to stick up for DDs (rightly so) but DS will start to feel you don't like him as a result.

And as someone mentioned, he probably expects the little women to run the house and then care for him in retirement and old age, while he continues to do "man things" as he likes.

His behaviour is really damaging to your girls and a bad example to your son, don't stay with him when he can't even see how he's wrong

My husband is the opposite as we have 4 sons and 1 daughter between us..our daughter is his favourite

I hope your DS goes off football and your DD grows up to play for England. Find the money Op.
She won't just resent her Dad, she'll realise you didn't stick up for them, take it from someone who knows. If he doesn't change, visiting wont be a priority after they've left home because they weren't one when they lived there.

My good friend is in a marriage where she has zero access to her DH’s savings, he started before marriage and has just kept them in his name. She doesnt know how much is in them, just knows its a fair amount. I don't understand how she can live like this, its not a partnership. Like you OP, he is the main (actually only) earner. My friend could get a job again though, her youngest is late primary and eldest secondary and they live 5 mins walk from school. I’d be more concerned about the financial stuff over the sexism, but i’d be ending it personally, i wouldn't be seeing my kids treated like that

X post!

You say you can't access the savings account directly. Is there any way you can get proof of the balance in there so that if /when you divorce him he can't hide it.

Time to get your ducks in a row I think.

Please say you know how much is in the savings account.

If you don’t, absolutely find that out and get solid proof of it before letting on you might be considering a divorce.

Since he is withholding access to the family money form you you need to access it another way - via court.

I don't understand. You're married. His money is your money.

You divide the money for activities between the children in a joint manner as you are both their parents.

This level of sexism would make me stop loving my husband and want to divorce him.

Can you see how controlling this is?

misogynists tend to be awful in every way don't they?

This is not normal OP: you are two adults and you should be equals when it comes to financial decisions. Are you sahm? Even so you have the right to decide for your children what could be spent on activities is there anyone you can talk to who is reasonable in his family? I hate to say it but a divorce would give you more agency since you don't dare to contradict his opinions and financial abuse.

This means the kids would continue to be abused every day rather than just sometimes.
OP doesn't seem interested in the replies to her thread, anyway.

How very brave of you 🙄

He sounds awful but I don’t think splitting will help. If he has then 50:50 you’re just not around the help balance his bad bits out. I would stay to provide a better example/ structure if you can bear it

Do you work @doggdoodle?

Would I dare....

Not helpful.

Not quite sure why you wanted a third child with this man.

Why are you letting him have the "final say"?
Do you not see yourself as equal? Is that because you're female?

There's no way i would allow one child getting something that the other wants. They both do football or nobody does.

I thought at the start people were being a bit OTT by telling you to leave but really, your girls may very well end up with daddy issues and allow men to have the "final say" over their lives.
Your son may also grow up to walk around thinking he is God's gift, which is the type of man girls with daddy issues stay with...

Stop allowing him to treat you and your daughters as less than.

If he got 50/50 care they would be in a worse situation as half of their life they'd feel overlooked.

You’re married to a sexist pig who is financially controlling you.

Your husband is a fucking embarrassment. Who does he think he is, treating you all second best?! The king and his little prince... He clearly hates females.

Demand access to the savings,it's your money, spend what you like and don't accept any more shit. If he doesn't shape up that'd be the end of it for me.