To ban spooning between certain hours

It doesn’t wake him - I’m very gentle with him 😂

Sounds like a job for the old pointy jointy, right where it hurts. Selfish bugger!

My partner loves a cuddle, but perhaps fortunately for me I react quite violently to being woken in the night. For me it's subconscious, but you could fake it OP? Try screaming and thrashing around as if you're trying to escape when he does it (in your sleep of course...). He should learn not to quite quickly!

100% this! My ex was really miffed when I suggested separate beds (btw after me taking ALL the responsibility to try and manage his snoring, whether by me wearing earplugs, or trying to get to sleep before him, or researching and buying him aids to stop snoring etc.). He saw it as a massive rejection.

He never took responsibility which was an issue itself but if he’d also been disrespectful at my efforts to deal with it or ignored my boundaries around me having my own bed I’d have ended things a lot sooner. As it was, this wasn’t the only way he was inconsiderate and selfish so it ended anyway. It’s definitely a sign of someone who doesn’t care as much about you as they do about themselves.

Yes. You can kill him. This is why separate bedrooms were invented.

Ok real talk here, this thread is wild to me. Why the fuck are some of you in these relationships? People scared their partner's will leave them if they don't cuddle? People having cuddle alarms to schedule cuddle time (and still being pissed off about it)? Building pillow forts between you to stop someone grabbing you against your will? People lying there fuming and putting up with being squeezed and grabbed and kneaded when they don't want to be? Seriously what the fuck?

I love a cuddle and so does my husband, I usually fall asleep pretzeled around my husband in some way. But if I'm ever hot or uncomfortable or just don't feel like it that night (or he is) I just say that? "Babe I'm really hot tonight can we not cuddle?" And that's it. We sleep not touching because we respect eachother and respect each other's right to not be touched if we don't want to be.

Deadass why are all of you with these people who don't respect your bodily autonomy enough to not touch you when you've specifically asked them not to? Fuck me.

I agree - as I said, she’s done that. He is well aware of her boundaries, and choses to ignore them.

Coud you stick these to your back before bedtime?

God this is giving me the shivers thinking about my ex, who snored, I think had sleep apnea, could ‘only sleep well’ starfish in the middle of the bed so I was tucked away on my side, talked in his sleep, and at random times would literally poke me in the back to wake me up and spoon with him so he could ‘feel close to me when he’d had a bad dream or his depression was playing up’. He would then threw a tantrum and literally glower at me all morning if he woke up in the morning and I’d had the audacity to go and sleep in my own spare room so I could sleep, and at one point when I laughed at him being so selfish said that ‘he wasn’t prepared to have a relationship where we didn’t sleep in the same bed, so when was I going to start learning to adapt as that’s what relationships were all about?’ I don’t think he liked the answer of me breaking up with him. the audacity of some of them!

I've tried that. They eventually just flatten the pillow and cross over anyway.

I had dh start sleeping in the spare room when I had our first dc "so as not to disturb him"(being the loving wife I am) and just never let him come back. Our relationship is actually much better now as I'm not seething with rage in the morning after telling him to stop fucking snoring or to move over 10 times a night

Well, she's trying to police her boundaries but he seems not to be willing to respect her wishes.

I reckon OP should move her DH out into the spare bedroom (if they have one), and buy him a giant teddy bear.

Despite a ludicrous amount of pillows, he still uses you as a comfort aid so he can get back to sleep, and he doesn’t care that that disturbs you and leaves you tired?

So, he thinks he’s more important than you, and that you function as a sleep aid to him when he needs it?

Selfish prick.

Why is it a joke? Preventing someone sleeping is selfish and potentially abusive behaviour

I'd hate that, especially as my DH's arms weigh a bloody tonne. On cold nights I do sometimes snuggle up to him and he says he doesn't mind at all, but then he's one of those wicked people who can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

There is only one actual problem here. Lots of people enjoy night time cuddles, a passing friendly squeeze in the corridor or an affection pat on the bum. Lots of people don’t.

The problem is a lack of respect for boundaries and taking it personally if someone wants their space for whatever reason. Policing your boundaries is also important - but OP has done that.

This is a joke, right?

That's lovely for you. But yes, I would hate sharing a bed with you and in fact I wouldn't, however much I liked you. My DH used to sleep on the sofa bed for at least 6 months after we started dating. In fact the fact that he happily did so was one of the reasons I kept him around. One man I dated sulked and pouted. I tried sleeping with him but had to get up in the night and sleep in my (empty!) DS's bed. He didn't last long.

Oh goodness, you’d all hate sharing a bed with me. I have* to be cuddled in a particular position to fall asleep, and then in a different position if I need to resettle. I also need background noise while sleeping but if the radio goes off, I nudge my husband to put it back on/switch channel.
I also appreciate some morning spooning to get me set up for the day.

Luckily for us, we’re both exactly the same so we have our little routines and tolerances. Being with someone who woke me solely for his own purposes would drive me nuts.

(*Ok, I accept I don’t have to, but we have an established routine that works so haven’t had to find an alternative).

Exactly the same as me, with exactly the same solution!

I put up with having virtually no sleep every night for 5 years - not as bad as it sounds, me and Mr FreeRider don't live together so he's only here about 10 nights a month - before I finally cracked and told him that sharing a bed wasn't an option anymore. And yes, we did have a superking bed! Not only was I dealing with hot flushes, his snoring on top created the 'perfect storm' for my lack of sleep...

I can feel the rage on this thread and I’m totally here for it 🤣

Aw, memories of growling in the night if I moved around too much and disturbed my two.

Time to wean him off

And the Berlin Wall down the middle.

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername this made me laugh - in the middle of a coffee shop queue! Now the lady behind me is trying to see what I'm reading.

You need a bundling board!