Most pleasant way to split and clear Grandparents house

Well that grandchild needs to be pulled up on this with their parent involved. How disgusting.

Grandparents need to be asked how THEY want it to be and a will made, with everyone told in no uncertain terms.

I was executor of my grandfather's estate. All three of his children predeceased him but there were four grandchildren, two step-grandchidren, and some grabby very involved children in law.

The will basically split everything between the children, and for his personal items it said family can take what they like and anything left over should go to Oxfam. Various different family members came to help clear and tidy the house during the weeks after his death and took what sentimental items they wanted, and the rest of the bits and pieces apart from big items of furniture we took to an Oxfam shop.

The estate agent said it would be easier to sell the house if it still had large items of furniture in it, so that viewers could get a sense of the layout, so we did that and then we had a house clearance firm come and take those things away once we'd exchanged contracts. They charged a few hundred pounds but knocked a bit off as they said they could sell some of the items. Oxfam didn't want old fridges or sofas etc. The house clearance fees came out of the estate account.

I just made sure everything was documented properly and put it all in writing, in emails with all the beneficiaries and with my solicitor. It was time consuming but not actually that painful.

Take photos & draw up a list with them for “house insurance”

When my grandad died we all just talked to each other about the things we would like and the stories behind why. It was really nice as we got to talk through our memories of him. These were all really little things, think cheap ornaments. There were some people who wanted the same thing, with similar memories, but we figured it out together. The rest of the stuff was just sent to an auction house or cashcow and that money was considered part of the estate. None of us were particularly grabby and we weren't bothered about it being financially fair, we just wanted our memories.

Having said that, we did come across some little baby animal ornaments with mine and my brothers initials on them. Seems like as children we had gone through all the cute animals dividing them between us for 'when grandad died'. He was probably only about 60 at the time 😆in my defence I was probably only 6 or 7.

You know your family best but my late mum used to love going through her jewellery (non valuable) collection with her family members. There was no hint of any grabbiness. oh....just read your update, that's not good.

Don't be ridiculous.

It literally is, emotionally manipulating a woman to give away her jewellery before she’s dead is elder abuse. She clearly hasn’t decided of her own accord it’s time to share out the movable assets. And if she’s dead then it is literally legally the ops business as an executor and beneficiary.

My gran had a list with every single piece of jewellery itemised with a description and detailed list of who was getting what. On the day of the funeral we all met up to painstakingly go through it 😅 and items were handed out to the more distant cousins and friends at the funeral/wake. This is the best thing to do imo.

Try and get ‘granny’ to do this now while she is compos mentis and let her do it alone in her own time with agreement from all children. Everyone gets a copy.

Also, ask yourself if you are genuinely irritated out of concern or if you are partly worried about items you thought would go to you going GD.

Generally though jewellery just goes to the daughter(s) with one each for granddaughters. This is what happened on my mums side but on my dads side it was only sons.

Nobody takes anything - ‘we all have sentimental relationships with the house, taking anything before it’s all been worked out is theft.’
grandchildren pull their head in and make no requests. Siblings put in for sentimental items, once siblings have been fairly acquitted on a take turns to pick something basis, then grandchildren may put in 3 requests each, which will be weighed up where they are for the same time, so if a and b want the mirror and a and c want the armchair you can promise that a won’t get both.
we have had a list of minor jewellery shared out and grandchildren provided their top 5 preferences, each received one of their preferences, the siblings tried to make sure all got treated fairly. Dhs gram had a lot of china, it was put in little sets and each grandchild oldest to youngest could come in and claim a set. Grandchildren have never been able to claim things that aren’t offered to them after siblings have done all the deciding and sentimental value. Your example is ghoulish, perhaps practice a few sharp words like ‘your mum is grieving, it’s clear you aren’t but could you have a bit of care and respect for her? She could do with your support and all you’re doing is counting grandmas things.

Maybe the gd saw something she thought was lovely and the grandmother will gift it to her.

So what? It's literally nothing to do with the OP.

Can't your grandparents say what goes where given they're still alive? Get it all written down. But things of little value, does it really matter where it ends up? You can't all keep every sentimental item can you? Don't squabble for the sake of it.

So granddaughter went into jewellery box as opposed to Granny bringing it out? If so yeesh, I hope the will is comprehensive.

Are you executor? Do you have power of attorney? Are your parents still compos mentis?

Just to add my great grandmother estate was auctioned in this manner, though she did pick out one piece of jewellery for each of her grandchildren to be gifted before the auction and each piece stipulated in the will.

My mother received a gold chain with fob watch and then the grand sum of £1000, but this was 1978

it worked well as there weren't any squabble

Re ‘picking through’ a jewellery box, after a sister in law’s widowed mother died, family members were invited to come and help themselves to anything they particularly wanted, before the house was cleared.

The wife of a grandson (so not a blood relative) promptly zoomed in and took all the jewellery! 😱
I’m pleased to say they made her give it all back.
She came from a very wealthy family, too.

Long before she died (at 97) my mother of said she wanted us to ‘put our names on’ anything we would want now, since she didn’t want any squabbling after she was gone.

We always told her that unlike her own siblings (constant bitching/discord for as long as I could remember) there would be no squabbling among us - her lot were the Awful Warning!
And there wasn’t.

@PicaK
The grandchildren are aged between 17 and 22.

This should all be in a will, overseen by professionals.

The other scenario will ruin any family bonds.

Unfortunately, I know.

The older people are still alive, how unpleasant.

Auction everything

then the money gets split

so if grandchild particularly wants a piece of jewellery then they pay for it but the money comes back to them in an inheritance

unsold items can either be collected in a house sale - and again the money is places into the inheritance and split or taken to charity

Then you decide how to split the money - but you do need to decide that before the auction and inform each beneficiary how the proceeds will be split etc

Are there wills & POA in place? I'd change the locks when the first one passes and only the execs have a key to stop squabbles, especially as the vultures are circling already.

CF SIL went round DMILs house and put a sticker on everything she wanted before we'd even held the funeral - so grabby!
Then SIL died suddenly about 6 months later, her friend was her executor, and any sentimental "family" items went to charity shops or landfill straight from the unpacked boxes. DH was upset when he realised that he never got his childhood teddy back!

When my ex’s very elderly grandfather died there was a stampede to the house. The eldest ‘child’ (my ex’s father) got there last and was outraged that “all the good stuff” was gone. His brothers and sister had descended on the place like a flock of gannets 🤦‍♀️

The executors make it their priority to have the will read and then distribute accordingly. And no, the partners don’t go in nor do the grandchildren.

once you’re down to items not specifically in the will then it will have to come to sharing things of equal value.
so fine, if one person “has always loved X” then they can have that but presumably they’re fine with others having Y and Z?

Have you had a chat with your parents? They should write down anything they specifically want to go to a specific person, and everyone should be clear that those are the only stipulations from them. After that, people can put in a request for items they want, but no guilting over 'granny wanted that to go to me'. Sorry but these family members sound awful and reading it I hoped the grandparents have left everything to charity! Other option is an estate sale and split the money evenly according to the will.

Totally up to the grandparents if they want to gift things to grandchildren while still alive. I think this is a lovely thing to do, sounds like you are really worried you will be ‘shortchanged’ which is a bit sad really and a you problem. Maybe just enjoy the time you have with them without fretting about what you think you are entitled to. They don’t actually have to leave anyone anything if they don’t want to, inheritance is not a right or a given.