Most pleasant way to split and clear Grandparents house

Yes, my mum (a fairly spritely 79) has already done this at her own instigation.

I think a decent open conversation with your siblings now to acknowledge that there will be items very special to yourselves that it might help to list now so that "nothing is disposed of inadvertently that is special to someone" and that a discussion takes place where an item has more than one admirer?

One of my parents’ siblings did this too. They even took the item they knew had been specifically promised to my parent (due to a shared hobby). Years later, I found out which sibling it was and it was the one I least suspected! This person wasn’t particularly close to my grandparents either.

Before this, when my grandparents were in their 80s, one of my cousins visited them at home, admired a large item of their furniture and left with it strapped to the roof of her car! I’m still surprised by this, as this cousin has always seemed a) - lovely and b) - a minimalist. Inheritance seems to bring out a new side in some people and it’s not their best side.

this is reminding me to make a detailed will.

A detailed will I think is the answer. So the grandparents decide.

I agree it is unseemly. In spite of all the challenge with valuation etc, a part of me feels when someone leaves everything to a cats home or charity a sense of well done or laughter.

everyone has a stake in it
grabby SIL
sibling rivalries etc etc.
I disagree.

There's absolutely nothing at all in the OP to suggest that her parents should disinherit their entire family. One girl looking at a necklace?

Just to add to the "lock up the house" comment. Find out where all the keys are now and destroy all those unnecessary. My grandparents neighbours had keys and helped themselves to stuff, as did some relatives.
The executor needs to be 100% aware that everything must be accounted for and this is a legal requirement.
Vultures circling is awful.

Could you take photographs of all the items that you think might go missing? You could take photos of them in situ and close up.

If you are asked why you are doing this, you could say it is for insurance purposes.
might this work?

My grandmother was a very skilled artist and used to make all manner of things. She also collected antique items.

She had a book - if you wanted it, you wrote it in the book. If you looked through the book and someone else had already written it in, it was tough.

She also used to write things in the book herself if she wanted someone in particular to have something.

This book was used when she died to ensure everyone was treated equally.

Hoping they leave it all to a cats home.

I would arrange to meet my siblings with no spouses or grandkids and say that you've noticed a level of additional comment and open covetous behaviour across the family. That you don't want it to turn into a row after your parents pass as emotions will be heightened anyway.

Then agree now what process you will follow as executors at least in the first few weeks; and communicate that to the wider family. People are welcome to express any requests / preferences to their parents but under no circumstances is this verbal grabbiness / barely concealed planning to continue openly in front of your parents.

If you have a sibling who is prone to it themselves, then you may need to prep the conversation carefully with another sibling.

Same within my family.
Grandma gave us rings when sister and me were 3 and 5. The rest went to my mum.
She made clear when we were around 16 what we will get appart from things she is still wearing.
I don't see much point into delaying that splits untill you die.
Why not give away what you don't need and prepare family for your obvious departure.

@MotherWill OP you have had some good suggestions which hopefully you can use. I agree it really only should be the 3 executors who make the decisions about who gets what.

I have 2 children and I have made it clear to them that I will be the one who says who gets what in terms of the jewellery, handbags etc as I want them to have an equal share in terms of monetary value. I have told them both to tell me if they want something specific. I don’t want them arguing over anything when I am no longer here. I have some quite expensive jewellery so want them to keep it but if they need to sell it then that’s ok too. No point holding onto something if it is just sitting in a drawer as I always bought things that I knew would be valuable in years to come and would provide the children with a nest egg should they ever need it.

Hopefully by making our wishes clear there won’t be any issues when we have gone fingers crossed 🤞🏼

When my mum was dying, but still well enough to be having this kind of conversations, she waited for a time when myself and my sisters were together with her, tipped out all her jewellery on the table and said 'right, what do you all want?'

Because of the kind of relationship we have, it worked pretty well. Obviously we were initially saying no mum we don't want to talk about this, but she was insistent. We all love and care about each other, and wouldn't ever want to let mum down either, so we were able to fairly, and respectfully divide it up between us. Mum kept a certain set (which was pretty valuable so not something 'lesser') back for SIL too, knowing she'd always loved it. Most sentimental/ valuable pieces were divided between siblings, smaller but still sentimental mementos for adult grandaughters. Mum boxed them up in our own parcels and labelled them with our names. None of them were touched until a good while after she'd gone.

She also wrote a cheque for a given amount for each of her grandchildren, everything else was split evenly between 4 children.

Furniture/ other items in the house just kind of split according to what made most sense/ who had need. I'm not saying it was all completely smooth sailing - I do remember yelling at my brother to 'buy your own fucking suitcase then' when he decided he was going to help himself to all the luggage as they had a holiday booked - not my finest hour and years later can't remember why I cared, but at the time emotions were running high. There's a couple of items I wish I'd have kept but one of my sisters wanted so was just easier to acquiesce, and even all these years later found myself absolutely fuming when my sister announced she'd broken one very sentimental item that she'd decided she was having with basically no consultation. But, I'm sure there are things that pissed them off about me. Deep breaths, patience and understanding all round - and mum certainly drilled into us that she expected us to be kind to each other and there for each other once she was gone. We are, and always have been close - but it did test us at times, so I think if cracks are showing you're right to be thinking about this now.

My gran put stickers on everything. She had nine children and it made it really easy for them. You just picked up the clock and it said Steve, the telly said Jean, ornaments Carole etc

My relatives did this. One set of cousins (plus parents I suppose) went in early and stripped the house of pretty much all sentimental, personal possessions. They took jewellery (including I think a ring promised to me by my grandparents, thank goodness I got that back), my grandmothers old vintage clothes, photo albums, even the friggin placemats. They weren’t even particularly close to my grandparents, hence why they were too busy skanking my grandparents personal belongings to be grieving. The rest of the cousins were left with nothing of any particular sentimental value. They also apparently did the same with another relative. Sad sad behaviour. This and other issues have made me want the distance myself from them a bit.

Obviously this is when the parties concerned are deceased.

You need to secure the valuables first as it may be that there are bequests in the will and the Executors will need valuations before distribution. I would suggest that only Executors have access until Probate has been granted. Until that time, there is no obligation to share the contents of any will.

Should you wish to clear it yourselves, the fastest way I have found is 'keep', 'donate' and 'throw'. Although you could equally just do 'keep' and 'dispose' depending on volume. 'Keep' is anything that has either monetary or emotional value.

Once the bequests have been identified and extracted, put the whole lot into auction and then if anyone wants anything that much, they can bid for it. Then split the proceeds according to the terms of the will. This method ensures that people get what they want and no one is disadvantaged by the greedy ones snaffling the best pieces.

It can be eye opening watching the vultures circling to pick over the remains. Good luck, I feel you are going to need it.

I thought this sounded like a nice thing. I'm sure granny enjoyed it