Most pleasant way to split and clear Grandparents house

Once both have died or need to go into nursing care, the executors need to enter the property and inventory for probate, nothing can be distributed at that point. Once probate is granted then all listed items should be distributed then the residual items can be split, mostly it's a house clearance really because nobody actually wants 99% of the stuff! Of the desired items a pick system where everyone chooses something, then a second round, third etc is fair and in this case anyone who wanted routine household stuff (so the youngsters setting up home) split those items amicably.

Just been through the entire process and the most important thing is an iron tight will, not jewellery split for instance. Alas in this case one grand daughter was favourite over the others to a huge degree (over 5 figures) in terms of jewellery value though the resale price if she sold it is of course a fraction.

Anything with a value over around £100 or with particular family sentimental value needs to be listed on a wish list attached to the will including contingency in case that person is not alive or able to receive said bequest. The more detailed the better

Just tell the kids that if there’s any squabbling the whole lot will be sold and the money split between the three siblings.

Having said that I think I’d be having a gentle conversation with your mum about her jewellery. Are there any particularly sentimental or valuable pieces that shouldn’t be left with the more costume stuff. If so, these should probably be ringfenced for her to make a decision or for the executors to have valued.

Something similar was done here for my GM, except that by the end it was also 'grandchildren please come and take anything else you want to help clearance'.

That's so sad but good you recognise they still get pleasure from certain things. ❤️

I know my older sister has taken photographs of her jewellery and put a name with each piece. She has 2 DD and a son with partner she is fond of and granddaughters too. I think I might do the same although I have only got 1 DD and I don't think she'll want much of my jewellery because after I divorced her Dad I offered her my jewellery box with everything her Dad had ever bought me. It was all yellow gold. She said she didn't want it because she liked white gold or platinum. I suggested she could get the diamond taken out of my engagement ring and re-set in white gold or she could sell it but she said no. I gave all this jewellery to my nieces and great nieces. There wasn't enough for all nieces/great nieces to get something so the ones who missed out will get something of my newer jewellery. I think I'll take photos too with a name next to them. Do people leave female jewellery to sons or not? Maybe I should have given my engagement ring and eternity ring to my 2 son's.

I have asked my mum to write a separate letter to say (my niece & myself are executors),we will sort out furniture & everything else. I have one brother, who said get a house clearance, or skip.
although he’s getting half of the house, he doesn’t want anything. The reason for asking mum to add letter is, I will be grieving so won’t feel like emptying mum drawers straight away, plus SIL can be a dogmatic, ordering people around, she’s not in my mums will, but will be want to be in the thick of things.
Think it’s best to write a letter, one to give to the solicitor & copy to give to the executor/s & state who’s doing what.

I could have written this word for word.. except my Mum (who's in a care home with advanced Alzheimer's) handed me all her jewellery one day when she had a moment of lucidity.. I'm the only girl of 5 and my DD is the oldest granddaughter. I will distribute some of it when mum is no longer with us.
As siblings we all got on well and we kept the SILs out of the decisions until we siblings had a rough idea who wanted what...
A very very sad time that could have been awful..
OP I'm really feeling for you...

Serious words needed with your siblings re the vulture like behaviour of your niece, she sounds disgusting. All jewellery should go to you and your siblings initially, especially if the will is not specific. Who has keys in the event of their passing?

God, sound like vultures

When clearIng out deceased mil house the 3 adult children (also
executors) sat down and each said if there was something that’d like and negotiated fairly after which they all placed post it notes on these with their names. Each then made a pile
of small stuff which each checked they were happy for others to take after which other family members inc older GC were asked if they’d like anything. Rest then sold, donated or skip / tip.
House, car etc disposed of as per will.

@BIossomtoes I guess we are all different. DPs have never expressed any concerns about personal stuff, we're very practical in our family .
I also know myself and my inability to declutter and sort effectively and get overwhelmed with that sort of task, so it is likely the only way I could manage it.

Please go through the personal stuff first @rookiemere. There was only me and my dad made me promise not to do what you propose, it really upset him to think of strangers ripping his home apart.

I'm an only DC and I have to say when the time comes, I just want it done as quickly as possible. Other than some photos there's nothing we need or have room for, so ideally I just want to get a company in and strip the place. Unfortunately DH seems to have some desire to go in and assess things of value, but as he likely would want me to do it, then that's a no.

It's just stuff. Unless any of it is particularly valuable, why not just let the others go in there and take what they want as long as it's done by a certain date.

Family meeting of just the three children, all agree that only they will do the clearing (no spouses, no grandchildren), everyone else gets to nominate one item they would especially like for a keepsake.

They’re never going to do it in a weekend. It took two of us a week to do a three bed semi. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life.

People need to remember that they aren't entitled to anything when someone dies. Certainly not partners.
When my MIL and FIL bought their house a few years back - out right, so no mortgage - I kept pushing for them to make a will so that any arguments they could foresee between their 3 kids, would be stamped out before. Thankfully they have, and they've told the 3 children that they were to pick one item they each wanted, and whatever they hadn't put in the will, will be gone through and binned, given away or kept. So the basically, the house is getting split 4 ways: the 3 kids having their share and the fourth being split eagerly between the grandkids. So either someone buys the rest out, or it gets sold and monies divided up.
My MIL said to me 'I've not put you in, but you are with my son so you'll benefit.' I said, 'I wouldn't have expected you to. As my own mother says, you don't put inlaws into a will because folk do split up, and why should they then benefit.'
I've been with my partner for 13 years, as good as married, 2 kids and 3 cats, but life happens and folk do break up. But they certainly shouldn't benefit from their ex-inlaws.
So in your case OP, partners should be kept well away. Their hands firmly inside the carriage. And grandchildren need to reined in as well and left outside until decisions have been made.

It’s a no win situation ime- it’s not just who gets what but there is the unsolvable upset about who got more than …… And as much of it is people putting huge emotional or guessed financial value on things. It’s impossible to make it fair in everyone’s eyes.

I discussed with my mum who she wanted to attend her funeral a while back, as I knew she had nothing to do with one sister, who had ‘taken’ items promised to her and other sisters, there is much more background to her taking things that didn’t belong to her, including items totalling quite a bit in value. She did say on no account did she want her to attend, I broached the subject of said sisters immediate family, this threw her but she came to conclusion it was best to basically ban them from her funeral and her house.
My sister was on board about this, as she knew how horrendous she’d been to our mother and to a lesser degree their sisters.
sometimes these conversations are needed, even though you’d rather not.

My advice - as far as money and the house go, forget the grandchildren. Split the estate evenly between the children of those two people and they can sort out what to pass down to their own children themselves. All other material possessions may be squabbled over, that's probably unavoidable to a certain extent.

I suppose if you've got nowt, sometimes life is easier.

My mum left a list of things that were to go to particular people, and a year or so before she asked her children whether there were particular items of furniture they wanted when she didn't need them any more. There were, or course, a lot of little, and not so little, things that weren't on the list. We adult children all got together a week or so after the funeral to sort out and clean her house and at that time, as well as on further occasions, we discussed whether any of us wanted any of the things that weren't on her list. She had some silver cutlery and tableware that weren't on the list (the 'good' items were listed). When we went through that lot we went through the items one by one to see who wanted them and, if there was a difference in value then we ensured that at the end things were distributed more or less fairly. It was just us adult children. We could choose things for our own children, but it was still out of our own 'share'. For instance, my mother had listed some silver cutlery to go to one of my sister's children, but had not listed a canteen of mid-century silver plated cutlery which I knew my daughter would really like to have, so I asked for that. There was one picture she had listed to go to one of my sisters, none of her other pictures were listed but I chose a couple of tiny oil paintings of the Australian countryside and some of the other pictures were chosen by my other sisters. Anything which none of us wanted for ourselves or our children was either went to auction or given to charity. It did help that we all have different taste in things, so it wasn't too difficult to divide things up!

None of the family apart from her own children (and our husbands) were included when we went through her house. All of our husbands kept well out of it when we were choosing what we wanted (they are all very kind, sensible and sensitive men), but they all helped with cleaning, tidying, repairing, touching up paintwork etc.

If you can encourage your parents to think about making a list of what they want to go to whom, eventually, that would really help. Other than that, you need to restrict who comes into the house afterwards until you (adult children) have decided on the distribution of anything that is important to you/valuable. That distribution can include anyone you think, between you, that your parents would have wanted to have something - so extended family, Mabel from bingo, Mrs Bloggs next door etc. After that it you want to you can invite the rest of the family to come and choose something from what is left as a memento of your parents.

I am being treated for cancer and my life-span is limited (death is NOT imminent!) I have already started making a list of the things I own and who they should go to after I shuffle off this mortal coil. I know it will make things very much easier for everyone I leave behind.

You have to be very very careful around this stuff. I think they need professional help to get the will in order.