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Original poster

To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
murasaki · 11/11/2024 00:02

Bumcake · 10/11/2024 23:59

She finished him off, then ended it. A sort of buy one get one free deal. As if.

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It was 'wrote a basic porno sketch' and watch the comments come in. Not believable in the slightest.

Bumcake · 10/11/2024 23:59

ThatTealViewer · 10/11/2024 23:21

I just want to know if you’ve ended it. I notice you’re not saying.

She finished him off, then ended it. A sort of buy one get one free deal. As if.

Littlek0406 · 10/11/2024 23:48

@Chickenrun12 Please bin him off and go to Thailand on your own/with a friend. You deserve so much better!!!!

MyrtleStrumpet · 10/11/2024 23:44

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:34

Right OK, I wish I hadn't updated. No I'm not with him anymore. There was alot more to the relationship than this one event but the whole thing has left me an absolute mess. My mental health has completely fell apart over the last year or so and I found it very difficult to leave even though I could see it was wrong.

I am not very well at the moment to the point I'm seeing someone from the community mental health team and have just been prescribed a medicine that is used in veterinary medicine as a tranquilliser to try and help.

I posted the update not for sympathy or a weird way to put gross details on the Internet. I posted it to say trust your instincts and the advice of hundreds of posters who have no reason to want to steer you wrong. I really wish I'd not updated.

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I think you've been through a terrible experience where you were taken advantage of and coercively controlled. It's good to see that you're getting support and help.

I'm also pleased that you have split up from this man. That may not have been easy.

I'm sorry that some of the posts on this thread have been so mean to you. You don't deserve that.

You will recover from this and in time I hope you can find a partner who is loving, kind and supportive. I wish you the very best.

ShouldIEvenBother · 10/11/2024 23:44

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:36

You did well to post the update. People may learn from it.

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This^

It was brave of you to update OP, and so many women end up in awful situations which they feel for whatever reason, they can't walk (or indeed run!) away from.

When people such as yourself come forward with horrific stories like this, you never know who is reading - and possibly something sinks in for them as they read about your experience they can then look at their devastating situation, and it helps them see that they too need to leave a terrible man.

Good to hear you are getting help.

I wish you well 💐

JolieFilleCommentCaVa · 10/11/2024 23:44

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:35

OK, I wish I'd not updated. I apologise.

Don’t you dare apologise.

You have nothing to apologise for.

Some people on this website are absolute vultures. They get a kick out of being patronising, pedantic twats with absolutely no empathy or the ability to imagine how difficult some vulnerable situations can be.

Absolutely good on you for leaving the relationship. Good on you for seeking help. Good on you for accepting the help. That in itself takes courage. Please never ever allow anyone to make you feel bad for talking about your experiences.

I hope in time you can move on from this point of your life and you can look back and see how far you’ve come. Look after yourself, and be kind to yourself ❤💐

Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:44

murasaki · 10/11/2024 23:41

Ah, so you're on ketamine. That explains some of it.

No I'm not on Ketamine. I'm on Promazine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:43

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 10/11/2024 23:28

A trip to Phuket is pretty cheap and common for us Aussies, last time I was in Patong (not that long ago), Bangla Rd was absolutely heaving with tourists including family groups, and not a single one of them was having public group sex. You joined in, really? This is absolutely nuts. I mean, I guess I can believe it if you were led off to a private area in a bar but what I don't believe is that you had no agency, and no choice but to join in.

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I have been to patong a number of times and have never experienced anything like this. This was off a street on Bangla directly next door to a bar called Harem. It wasn't in a private room.

OP posts:
TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:41

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:35

OK, I wish I'd not updated. I apologise.

As a matter of interest, did the boyfriend claim to have enjoyed the experience, or was he as humiliated and scared as you were?

murasaki · 10/11/2024 23:41

Ah, so you're on ketamine. That explains some of it.

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:36

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:34

Right OK, I wish I hadn't updated. No I'm not with him anymore. There was alot more to the relationship than this one event but the whole thing has left me an absolute mess. My mental health has completely fell apart over the last year or so and I found it very difficult to leave even though I could see it was wrong.

I am not very well at the moment to the point I'm seeing someone from the community mental health team and have just been prescribed a medicine that is used in veterinary medicine as a tranquilliser to try and help.

I posted the update not for sympathy or a weird way to put gross details on the Internet. I posted it to say trust your instincts and the advice of hundreds of posters who have no reason to want to steer you wrong. I really wish I'd not updated.

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You did well to post the update. People may learn from it.

Nosleepforthismum · 10/11/2024 23:35

Crikey I’m sorry OP. That sounds appalling and it surely would fall under sexual assault? I’m not sure if you can report it back in the UK or how seriously it would be taken but at the very least please get some counselling to try and process what happened. As others have said, please tell us you are no longer with him and that he’s blocked on every platform?

Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:35

OK, I wish I'd not updated. I apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:34

DrBlackbird · 10/11/2024 23:16

I do find it irritating that hundreds of posters offered practical advice and support and then the OP comes back and throws it all in the faces of those who supported her. Why, just why, if you weren’t able to follow through on what was glaringly obvious about your ’d’p beforehand and go by yourself, are you coming back now to provide disgusting details about what (allegedly) happened? I really wish I hadn’t read the update. This confirms to me that it is pointless for posters to offer advice and support in good faith when it’s completely ignored.

Right OK, I wish I hadn't updated. No I'm not with him anymore. There was alot more to the relationship than this one event but the whole thing has left me an absolute mess. My mental health has completely fell apart over the last year or so and I found it very difficult to leave even though I could see it was wrong.

I am not very well at the moment to the point I'm seeing someone from the community mental health team and have just been prescribed a medicine that is used in veterinary medicine as a tranquilliser to try and help.

I posted the update not for sympathy or a weird way to put gross details on the Internet. I posted it to say trust your instincts and the advice of hundreds of posters who have no reason to want to steer you wrong. I really wish I'd not updated.

OP posts:
Robinredd · 10/11/2024 23:33

Sorry people are being dicks to you OP.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/11/2024 23:30

Ugh. Wish I hadn't bothered reading the update. I despair. Why are so many women so desperate to be in a relationship that they even entertain any of this? OP went all the way to Thailand and did nothing but watch a bellend of a bloke sleep all day and party all night. I hope to for she's finally dumped his very sorry (fingered) arse.

Dontbeme · 10/11/2024 23:28

A trigger warning on the update may have been helpful for those of us who are survivors of SA. I'm sorry I read that and I hope others are okay too.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 10/11/2024 23:28

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:03

No I didn't take photos. I realise it sounds mad and it was. It happened really fast. It wasn't like a negotiation was made/conversation was had and then it began so to speak. It happened very very quickly. I don't think he even knew it was about to happen, but he didn't put a stop to it as soon as it started and therefore it escalated and escalated. I kept asking him to stop. We were in patong which is absolutely insane at night. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I would have even been allowed to leave before it was paid for.

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A trip to Phuket is pretty cheap and common for us Aussies, last time I was in Patong (not that long ago), Bangla Rd was absolutely heaving with tourists including family groups, and not a single one of them was having public group sex. You joined in, really? This is absolutely nuts. I mean, I guess I can believe it if you were led off to a private area in a bar but what I don't believe is that you had no agency, and no choice but to join in.

DrBlackbird · 10/11/2024 23:26

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:19

Do you seriously think that of all the social and emotional pressures on people the conclusive instruction they obey should always be the consensus advice on Mumsnet? Oh what a wonderful place the world would be if only that worked every time!

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That’s not what I said. There wasn’t a ‘should always’. On this occasion, the OP herself declared she was listening to the sensible advice and going by herself. Fine she caved in and went with the disgusting pig of a boyfriend. The update is annoying. She didn’t have to come back and provide those details on the alleged encounter did she? She could’ve just kept the outcome to herself. If any of this happened at all…

Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:26

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 23:12

They went together. He had an orgy in front of her and she helped wank him off while he got his bum hole fingered.

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You're actually a horrid person.

OP posts:
PrimalOwl10 · 10/11/2024 23:24

Wtf

Merryoldgoat · 10/11/2024 23:21

I cannot fathom why you went with him but please at least confirm you’re not with him now @Chickenrun12 ?

ThatTealViewer · 10/11/2024 23:21

I just want to know if you’ve ended it. I notice you’re not saying.

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:19

DrBlackbird · 10/11/2024 23:16

I do find it irritating that hundreds of posters offered practical advice and support and then the OP comes back and throws it all in the faces of those who supported her. Why, just why, if you weren’t able to follow through on what was glaringly obvious about your ’d’p beforehand and go by yourself, are you coming back now to provide disgusting details about what (allegedly) happened? I really wish I hadn’t read the update. This confirms to me that it is pointless for posters to offer advice and support in good faith when it’s completely ignored.

Do you seriously think that of all the social and emotional pressures on people the conclusive instruction they obey should always be the consensus advice on Mumsnet? Oh what a wonderful place the world would be if only that worked every time!

DrBlackbird · 10/11/2024 23:16

I do find it irritating that hundreds of posters offered practical advice and support and then the OP comes back and throws it all in the faces of those who supported her. Why, just why, if you weren’t able to follow through on what was glaringly obvious about your ’d’p beforehand and go by yourself, are you coming back now to provide disgusting details about what (allegedly) happened? I really wish I hadn’t read the update. This confirms to me that it is pointless for posters to offer advice and support in good faith when it’s completely ignored.