To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

Why have you chosen such a low value, lacking of character man?
What exactly has he done for you to treat him to a holiday to Thailand?

Dump him, enjoy your holiday and think about putting yourself in some therapy to build up your self esteem and self worth.

Women need to stop settling for complete arseholes like this.

Sounds like he has good boundaries. He knows that he doesn't want to be with someone who sleeps with someone else.

It sounds like you also have those same boundaries, so why are you even contemplating still going on holiday with a man who wants to break them?

I’m not sure how old you are, I’m guessing young. I too let men treat me like shit when I was younger, I had very low self worth and no-one had ever taught me how to have boundaries in relationships. I wish I could go back in time and explain things to younger me in black and white.

So here is the truth. Going forwards your future can look like two different options. In ten years time which option do you want:

1. You stayed with this guy and he realised that you have very few boundaries, which he still trampled all over. You ended up with a kid or two but you have to do all the caring for them, all the housework, because that’s “women’s work”. He probably refused to marry you, the house/mortgage will be in his name only, you will be made to be grateful for the breadcrumbs he throws you……. Whilst secretly sneaking off to a massage parlour every time your back is turned.
2. You dumped the guy, either now or in a few months time, after he’s done even more shitty things to you. You will look back in ten years time and won’t be able to believe how badly you allowed him to treat you. You will be able to laugh about it and thank your lucky stars that you saw the light, stood up for yourself, asserted boundaries on how you allowed people to treat you moving forwards….. and went on to find a happy and mutually loving relationship with someone 100 times better than this maggot.

Ps. In case it’s not clear. There is no 3rd option where you stay with him and he suddenly turns into a decent and respectful partner.

Please tell us you're not going with him? He is disgusting. Although the red flags were waving before you even made things official with him.

Cancel the cheque.

You know what to do.

I definitely would. Thailand probably the best place in the world for solo travel

Cancel him. Don't cancel the trip. Ice travelled a lot in Thailand on my own. It's fine.

There are so many things wrong with your relationship that I don't know where to begin. You need to find your worth.

Have a great trip.

I nearly dumped an abusive ex before we went on holiday- I didn’t in the end because I didn’t want to spoil it for his daughter and he ruined the whole holiday for everyone. I hugely regret that decision, I should have got rid in the first place. He never paid me back either. I’m quite happily single now.

Go with a friend or on your own and have a wonderful time but please don’t take him, you’ll regret it. I travelled to the far east on my own last year and it’s one of the best holidays I have had x

Go on your own, and enjoy it.

Have you had an STI test? You need to check that this creep hasn't given you something to remember him by.

Go alone and take the time to ask yourself why you were prepared to pay for this holiday for a man you have know less than a year and in that year he has shown you he has no respect for you. Please up your standards.

Ugh.

The sleeping around while ‘seeing you’… this whole notion of ‘official’ is such a smokescreen for lack of respect.

The eagerness to engage with sex workers: ugh. Big ugh

The double standards over jealousy and his basic belief that he should be able to control your behaviour at different standards to his own: massive red flag for controlling behaviour, emotional abuse.

He is a misogynist.

Ugh.

Going on holiday solo is so relaxing. Go on your own. Take books.

Cancel his name on the ticket and go with your pal instead.

He sounds an absolute scumbag .. bin him.

Why have you paid for his trip?

You should still go to Thailand.

Why are you paying for this douchebag to go on holiday?

Got a friend or a sister that you cous take instead???? I would, I would also bin this guy, his double standards would annoy me - and as for the sleeping around ...

Were you sleeping together at the beginning of the relationship while he was still sleeping around? Is that what you are saying or have I misunderstood the words ‘seeing each other but not officially together’ It was foolish to do that, if so.

You have planned and paid for a holiday for him but have only known him less than a year, part of that year being ‘unofficial’. I think it’s too soon. And I wouldn’t have mentioned the happy ending scenario at all if you knew it was something you wouldn’t be interest in. Or maybe I have that wrong too and you would be interested if you could both benefit. It’s not clear.

You are right to cancel the holiday OP. For him at least. You could still go though.

There isn’t much to understand really. He doesn’t deserve your time, commitment and investment in him let alone your financial generosity. I’m sorry you have found out this way.

But I do think you need to be much more discerning about future relationships. Make sure you communicate your values clearly and mention your expectations on fidelity early on. Find out if you are compatible before gong on holiday together so that awkward misunderstandings like this don’t happen while you are away together.

Was it really appropriate to plan and pay for this holiday for him as a gift in such a short a time. There is a possibility you were trying to buy his affections in your enthusiasm to show him the world and it has backfired.
I would be whole lot more cautious next time.
We live and learn.

Hope you enjoy your holiday on your own

Sounds like your self respect is on the floor.

Go alone and work on why you think you deserve to be treated like this by a man.

He slept with other while dating you, but said you couldn't? You've given this man too much already.

Get an sti check asap.

Seen some ridiculous things on here but this is one of the worst. Why on earth are some women so desperate to have a man, that they allow themselves to be treated with utter contempt and even pay for it.
Dump him fast. Next have some serious therapy, so that you can understand why you are like this and how to change. Don’t even think of dating until you have learned to respect yourself.
Otherwise you will be on here in a few years having colluded in some bully ruining your life. Take this as a warning and you have a chance of happiness

Is this for real? You already know the answer. Dump him and take a friend or family member if you can. He’s disgusting.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again

Why the hell did you carry on seeing him let alone sink 1,000s on a holiday? Why didn't he contribute to the cost?

This is not a good man.

He’s just given you a clear warning that, if you stay with him, you are not going to have a happy life. You can ignore this warning and stay with him until he’s waving it under your nose and you can’t ignore it any longer, but I promise you that you will look back at this moment and wish that you had listened to your instincts and saved yourself years of unhappiness.

Imagine him going on a lads holiday, he will be acting like he’s single for sure!

Euww he sounds vile.
I don't want to sound harsh, but I'm wondering why you made it official after he admitted to sleeping around? And why are you even questioning what to do about this new situation?
Obviously you dump him and go have an amazing holiday alone/with a friend! And don't let any man ever treat you like this again.

So you embarked on a relationship with a man who had sex with lots of other people at the same time as seeing you, whilst telling you he’d never see you again if you did the same. And then you saved up and paid for him to go on holiday to Thailand…

Ok…